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Put down the flail.

Right before the holidays I made a few financial decisions that I wish I hadn’t made. Nothing catastrophic. Just some money that went places I wish it hadn’t, in retrospect. It’s made for a tighter start of 2013 than I prefer.

Confession: I’ve been beating myself up about it for weeks.

While traveling in Costa Rica with my man and our friends Liz and Dave I found myself waking up in the wee hours worrying about money. I felt my anxiety sucking me away from the tropical adventures at hand. It didn’t feel good.

Recently I was being interviewed about my philosophies about nutrition and health, and I heard this come out of my mouth:

My number one piece of advice to women is to put down the flail when it comes to food and exercise.

As soon as I uttered those words, I knew that they apply to EVERYTHING, not just food and exercise. And yet beating ourselves up is like a national past time.

If you’re an achievement-driven girl like me (and so many women I know) who tends toward self-flagellation when things aren’t going as she’d like, I have a remedy.


1. Remind that little inner drill sergeant of yours that beating yourself up is a waste of time. 

I like being productive nearly as much as I like feeling loved. Seriously. So when I realize that I’m being super hard on myself, especially about something I’ve already done that I can’t do anything about anymore, I remind myself of one simple thing:

There’s nothing productive about beating yourself up. It’s wasted time. (Tweet it.)

Instead, I redirect as quickly as possible to actions that move me closer to the way I’d like things to be or feel. I look for the lesson in the mistake and see where I can implement it in the HERE and NOW. The energy I save when I put down the flail can be used toward producing things that help the world. And that’s where I’d like to be focusing most of the time. Wouldn’t you?


2. Surrender Dorothy.

Two days ago, while in one of my a panty-twisted money tizzys, I decided I needed a little Goddess love. So I pulled out my favorite Doreen Virtue Goddess Guidance Cards. (She also has an app for the iPhone where you can pick Goddesses on the go. Oh my Goddess it’s amazing!)

I thought about my financial angst. I thought about how much of a loser I feel like that I don’t always make perfect money decisions. I thought about what a fraud I feel like when I make mistakes in an area that I teach about. (News flash that likely won’t shock you: I’m not perfect.)

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled two cards out of the deck. I got:

Mother Mary: Expect a miracle and Kuan Yin: Compassion.

Long. Deep. Loving. Breath.

“Put down the flail,” these Goddesses said together.

I immediately remembered how much better I am with my money than I was ten years ago. I reminded myself that I’m not the only person on the planet who’s not perfect. I assured myself that everything was going to be okay.

I spoke to myself as Mother Mary and Kuan Yin would. It felt damn good.


3. Tap it out. Yep, tap it right out.

One of the most immediate ways I’ve found to feel better is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping. It’s a brilliant, free, quick method that involves tapping on a series of points on your body to feel better. It works every time I try it.

My friends Jess and Nick Ortner, the dynamic brother/sister duo, have a free Tapping World Summit going on that starts on Monday. They’re bringing together some of the world’s leading experts in emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being to teach you how to release pain and suffering in your life. For free. Cheryl Richardson, Kris Carr, Dr. Mark Hyman, Jack Canfield, and Bob Proctor are all going to be a part of it, to name a few.

Monday’s free sessions are on Tapping and Finances: How to Create an Abundant and Fulfilling Financial Future Through Tapping and Ending the Self-Sabotaging Behaviors That Block Success. I’ll be tuning in for sure.

To join the free Tapping World Summit, click HERE


Here’s the thing, no matter how far along our path we get, we’re still going to make mistakes. I teach financial well-being and yet before the holidays I made some spending decisions I wish I hadn’t that made my money life a little uncomfortable for a few months. Weight-loss coaches sometimes binge. Life coaches’ lives sometimes get messy. Spiritual teachers sometimes have complete and total meltdowns.

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We’re all going to keep making mistakes.

So please, for the love of God and Goddess, and for the love of YOU:

Put down the flail.

Save your energy for feeling good and helping other people feel good. You can’t go wrong with that as your compass.


P.S. If you want to learn how to feel good more often, quickly, and easily, sign up for The World Tapping Summit. It’s free. I’ll see you there.


  • susan

    Hi Kate, Thanks! You are golden; I always reap something from your emails. I’m 68, and still feel like a girl in the best ways, and I get reinforcement for that from your creative responses to your life. I’m also an artist, emerging more officially in that mode, and today muddling about how much to ask for my artwork. Have a piece about to off to really my first exhibit, except for the bennie I sold at last summer for Elizabeth Warren[ hurray, she won her senate seat in MA!]. A portal for what I have been saying I want in the future: to make art and sell what I make.

  • Becca

    Ideal timing. IDEAL. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough. I am abundantly grateful for this today. LOVE to you! xoxo

  • Kathie

    The perfect teacher is a student first….a life long learner.

  • <a Deeply Appreciated… today…silly…a home made pastry a patient gave me…I couldnt appreciate the talent and care that went into it…I hang onto calorie/carb/sugar. She was so very excited to give it to me…to see my face light up with her gift ..her talent! Let go of what it means to me…FLAIL…and rest on what it meant to her….JOY!

  • Oh, Kate, thank you for this lovingly direct reminder. I just put down the flail! Yahoo! And the lightness is palpable. The cards you drew were perfect and their glow extended to me. The voice of Mary has been gently accessible to me in recent years as a goddess of pure love. How cool that she and Kuan Yin came together to whisper in your ears. Thank you for sharing this.

  • Kat Khatsilovich

    Dear Kate! Thank you so much for this email! It was very much needed! I absolutely love your work and your newsletters. And how perfect is the timing for the World Tapping Summit! I just started learning about Energy Healing and was looking for cheap ways to deepen my knowledge and experience. Well it doesn’t get any cheaper than FREE! Thank you! Oh and the cards are in my Amazon cart to be delivered to me very soon! Cannot wait! Thanks once again! I am so grateful for you and your work!

  • Biljana

    Its not all in money. There is something in awareness, isn`t it?

  • Great post Kate and very relieving to be reminded about this, especially this time of year. Thanks for sharing and most of all for being so courageously honest with your audience. That is one of the things that really makes you stand out. All the best to you in 2013.

  • Paula

    Just wanted to say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!! Just what the doc ordered.

  • Daniela

    Kate, your honesty is so very touching. It helps to relate so much more. I also love EFT so thanks for the info on the Summit!

  • *Surrendered* Thank you Mother Mary and Kuan Yin! Halleluyerr! (PS–just found your website–Love!)

  • Thanks for pointing out the energy shift and ill feelings that come from flailing all over the place. Lose the flail, accept the humanity – gorgeous.
    P.s. I pull a goddess card or two daily with my daughter as part of our morning routine. Love that deck!

  • You wrote this for me today! XO

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