While I don’t talk that much about money directly anymore, paying loving attention to money remains a bedrock of my life, my marriage, and my business. It’s the foundation upon which all of our freedom, creativity, and expansion is built upon. I’m super grateful to report that after years of being a chronic avoider, paying loving attention has become habitual to the point that sometimes I forget that it was even an issue.
I tell you this because if you’re struggling with your finances, either because you’re in debt, you want to increase your earnings, you want to save more, you want to manage it better, or you want it to stop being such a source of stress, listen up:
One of the key ingredients to healing my relationship with money and getting out of the downward spiral of avoidance, shame, fear, and lack was scheduling a weekly #MoneyLove Date with myself where I practiced putting loving attention on my money.
Over the years the date has evolved and now includes my husband/business partner, Mike. I’m super proud to say that while money was a great source of angst in our relationship in the first year or two, it very rarely triggers conflict anymore, and when it does, we both have the willingness and skills to look at our own stuff and resolve it quickly.
If you’re looking to increase your abundance and freedom this year by paying more loving attention to your finances, a #MoneyLove Date could be just the thing to help you do that. It worked for me, and it’s worked for thousands of our students who’ve taken The Money Love Course (which you can get for $100 off until tomorrow at midnight right here) and read my first book, Money: A Love Story.
Here are the answers to the most common questions I get about implementing #MoneyLove Dates:
1. How often should I have my #MoneyLove Date?
Weekly is ideal because it keeps you really in tune with your finances. Plus, if you invest a small amount of time every week, financial tasks won’t pile up and get daunting, which can trigger avoidant behavior. Frequency breeds ease.
2. How long does a #MoneyLove Date take?
It can be as quick as 15 minutes or take as long as an hour or more. It depends on if you’re just getting started or if you’ve been doing them for a while. Once you get in the groove of things and you don’t have backlogged financial tasks, your weekly #MoneyLove Date doesn’t need to take more than 15 minutes.
3. What do I do during my #MoneyLove Date?
Everyone’s situation will be a little bit different, but here are some of the tasks that might be a good idea to include:
4. What if I find myself avoiding doing it?
Avoidance comes from fear and shame usually, so you need to look at what you’re afraid of and what you’re ashamed of when it comes to your money. I recommend going through the exercises in The Money Love Course and/or Money: A Love Story to help you get clarity on what beliefs are running your financial life and to help clear out the ones that aren’t serving you so you can get into conscious, inspired action.
Finding ways to make it more fun for yourself can help, too. At first I would put on music that I loved, pour myself some sparkling water or kombucha in a wine glass, eat some dark chocolate, and even put on my favorite underwear to get inspired to stick with my #MoneyLove Dates. You can also reward yourself after you do it with something pleasurable like an episode of your favorite TV show, a bubble bath, or something else that’s motivating.
5. What if my partner/spouse won’t do it with me?
First of all, we often blame our partner for being a certain way as a way of avoiding looking at our own stuff. You can’t change someone else, but you can always change your own behavior. Look at and deal with your own money stuff first, and see how that shifts the relationship dynamic. (You’ll be amazed by how well this works!)
Understanding your partner’s money story is really critical to the health of your relationship. Sitting down and talking with one another about what it was like in your home growing up when it came to money can be so healing. Listen for what he/she learned growing up, what stress was present, and what was modeled. Hearing their blueprint can give you tremendous compassion for their current way of being. Plus, sharing your story will help him/her understand you better.
Having an agreement before your #MoneyLove Date with your partner that each of you will get your needs met, that you will both listen to one another without interrupting, that you will speak about the present and future only without dragging the past in (unless you’re talking about income and expenses from the past month), that you’ll speak from your hearts, that neither of you will blame each other, and that you’ll avoid using the words “always and never” can go a long way toward avoiding arguments.
Lastly, if you’re finding you and your partner are on totally different pages, and you can’t seem to find middle ground, I recommend working with a couple’s counselor and/or a money coach. (We’ve worked with both and have had amazing results.)
These 5 steps should get you started towards an extremely abundant, loving, conscious relationship with your money. If you show up a little bit every week things will improve. It doesn’t have to be hard. You just have to show up.
Have fun on your #MoneyLove Dates! Take a picture of yourself and/or your partner on your date with your money and tag me on Instagram – I’d love to see you loving your money up!
Want more tools and support to increase your abundance? Check out The Money Love Course which is $100 off until tomorrow at midnight with a special bonus of a #MoneyLove for Couples Masterclass with my husband Mike and me! Get it here.
When are you going to start your #MoneyLove Dates? Which of the actions I listed will you include? Which of the 5 tips was the most helpful for you? Tell me in the comments!
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