Remember when you were little and someone used to read you stories about princesses being saved by a dashing prince on a horse? There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about having someone sweep into your life to make it a little bit sweeter.
But if you’re waiting around for someone to come and save you when it comes to your money, you’re making a big mistake.
I spent most of my twenties semi-consciously hoping that I would meet a guy who could just fix my financial problems and save me from my unconsciousness around money. I did meet an amazing man when I was 27, and several years later I married that man. But he didn’t fix my financial problems. In fact, we worked on our financial lives together and built something stronger than either of us could have created on our own.
How’s that for a new fairy tale?
Avoidant behavior around money is often caused by an ambivalent relationship with power.
The way we relate to money, sex, and power in our lives is interconnected, and the part of our bodies that our relationship with these areas of our lives affects is the second chakra, which is where our reproductive organs and our lower back are located.
Now, power can be used for good or for bad in the world. We all can see examples of both around us.
But the kind of power that financial awareness gives us is the power to create the life we want and to be of service, not the kind of power that’s over someone else (which is the kind of power that’s ill-used).
If you want to be able to make clear choices in your life based on what feels right to you, not based on what someone else decides for you or based on lack and limitation, then financial empowerment needs to be at the top of your list.
And waiting for someone else to come in and save you financially isn’t how you’re going to get there.
So how do we break out of this “Prince Charming Complex” that keeps us from being truly powerful in our lives and being able to own our own worth?
Here is a three-step process to take yourself through so you can stop waiting for that knight on a horse (or whatever your version of the fairy tale you have playing in your unconscious) to rescue you from your financial woes:
Step One – Identify your “Prince Charming.” What person or entity do you imagine saving you? Examples might be an imagined future lover or spouse (or current real one), your parents, the government, a dream job or raise, or an inheritance.
Step Two – List the Qualities of “Prince Charming.” What qualities do you think make this person (or entity) capable of saving you?
Step Three – Hold up the mirror. Go through the list from step two and circle all those that could be used to describe yourself, even if you feel some of those qualities might be a stretch.
Step Four – Baby, it’s you. Choose 1 or 2 of the qualities you circled and write down 2 or 3 specific action steps that you could take to beef up or support that quality in the next week. Schedule a date in your calendar to actually take that action step to become your own Prince Charming.
Here’s a really simple example. Let’s say that you’ve identified your Prince Charming as strong, and you realize that you sometimes are strong as well, but that quality might need a little enhancement. One thing you could do to enhance this quality in yourself is to sign up for a sculpting class at your gym. Write it down in your calendar, go to the class, pick up some free weights, and you’ll be amazed at how much stronger you feel.
It’s really that simple.
When you put your attention on developing those qualities in yourself that you feel would be required by someone else to save you, you get to swoop in and save yourself.
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OVER TO YOU:
What characteristics does your “Prince Charming” have that you could adopt? How could you adopt them? Tell me in the comments!