This is why you feel alone and here’s why it’s a good thing.


When you start to say what you actually think, stand for what you actually believe in, and do the things that are truest expressions of your heart, you’re going to start putting people off.

Bending and merging yourself with the norms of our culture ensures that you will fit in and feel safe.

Standing for what you believe in and being who you really are ensures that you will stand out and feel lonely (not all the time, but definitely some of the time).

We all long to fit in. It’s simply part of the deal with being human.

But when we let our longing to fit in silence us and keep us small, that’s where we run into trouble.

Abraham says it best:

It’s never crowded on the leading edge.

The leading edge is where cultural changes happen, where revolutions are ignited, and where deeply needed change takes seed.

And when you are on the leading edge, you will feel lonely sometimes. It will be harder for you to make small talk at cocktail parties. You might find yourself not knowing what to say to the other moms at the soccer game. You will feel like a weirdo.

The key is to know this up front. Let this note be your inoculation. When you do things differently than other people you are part of the solution that our world needs right now. Because we can’t change doing the same things we’ve always done.

Doing things differently ensures that you’ll be part of the minority. And not fitting in as well as you used to when you were more willing to stick with the party line.

The gift in it all is that you fit in with fewer people, but when you find the people you do fit in with, your bond is unbreakable. You feel belonging in a way you’ve never felt before. It’s called tribe, and it feels the way family should and could but doesn’t always. It’s your chosen family, your soul family, the people you’ve found because you’ve all been willing to put your asses on the line for what you believe in, and it turns out you believe in the same thing. So there you are now, together, putting your asses on the line.

Over time, it becomes less scary to feel the kind of alone you feel when you do the things you feel most compelled to do. And, paradoxically, you’ll eventually feel less lonely because the more you do the work your soul calls you to do, the more you connect with others doing the same thing.

When you first step out on that precarious limb, though, remember what I told you: you’re going to feel alone and it’s a good thing. It’s a sign that you’re on the right track.

Your lizard brain will freak out and tell you that you’re not safe and that you must get off that limb and back to solid ground.

But you must not get off the limb. Stuff gets done out on a limb.

The world gets changed when people like you and me are willing to go out on a limb.twitter-logo out-on-a-limb-quote

You’ll feel lonely at first. It won’t feel good. I’m just telling you so you know.

And then you’ll remember that lonely is a sign that you’re on the leading edge, that the leading edge is where the best stuff happens, and that if you stay there long enough, you’ll find your people.

It will never be crowded on the leading edge, but you don’t need a crowd to have a tribe.twitter-logo tribe-quote

So say the thing you need to say. Stand for what you need to stand for. Do the thing you need to do. Step out on the limb. I promise you’ll feel lonely, and I promise that it’s a good thing.

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What leading edge do you find yourself on? What limb are you out on? I’d love to hear about the ways you’re willing to stand up, speak out, and hang out while feeling a little bit lonely and scared in the comments!


  • I love this for a couple reasons. One, it’s so true and two, because while I’m good with the feeling of being alone the stepping out onto the end of the branch is a great metaphor for what is showing up in my life right now. After fifteen years in a successful business, last night I found the way to describe succinctly what I do! So exciting and scary because; branch…here I come! I love the song Fly because in the lyrics in it encourages stepping out onto the end of the branch with the message that you can learn to fly on the way down.

  • Ellen Stebbins

    Thank you Kate! I really needed to hear this today!

  • Your words felt great and really vibrated with what I am going through right now.
    I am in a shifting process where I feel like spending a lot of time by myself and for some reason I don’t feel like socializing much. I know my close friends and family notice that but it just feels very natural to me.

    For now I want to read, meditate, learn new skills and find my new path. And you know what? It feels great!!!

  • Love this post!!! Feeling lonely is temporary When you follow intuition.

  • I LOVED this article. Very good…needed to hear. I’ve been there with now what do we talk about? You reach a point where you just can’t continue with the same ol’ conversation. Gets real old, real fast. As your vibration increases, your tolerance of what was once acceptable diminishes in a hurry. You realize more and more that it’s OK to grow and expand yourself past your comfort zone. Love the Abraham quote, too. Wayne Dyer had one “If you’re going to make a difference in the world, you’ll soon learn that you can’t follow the herd.”

  • YES!! THANK YOU. I literally was on the phone yesterday with a mentor discussing this lonelinism. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by some lovely light worker woman, and EVEN THEN it can be scarey. I am creating an angel infused tarot certification, and a branding a new oracle card deck (which you are in … YAY!). At times my parents think I am losing it, my step kids look at me like I am a nut job at half of the shi* that comes out of my mouth, and I am being questioned so much about who I AM. I said F it and kept going. I know I am in the flow and trusting, because it all feels SO GOOD! But yes. Lonely. So thank you for writing this. Literally an answer to my prayers. I love you.

  • Last night I fell asleep crying because I felt so alone in my quest to help women connect with their Inner Wisdom through the natural world. It suddenly all just seemed ludicrous. Then today…this. It’s amazing how Spirit sends us the right message, just when we need it. And then I thought, perhaps someone, somewhere, has felt the same about MY content. I’m stronger and more convicted today, thanks to you, Kate. Carry on, girl!

  • Nasrin

    Thank you for this wonderful and inspiring talk. I really enjoyed reading your article and it will be helping me stay with what I believe and think is right values in life.

  • Valentine Thompson

    Thank you Kate, this is beautiful and timely for me. I started a new job (because building a business has been a dream that I am funding with my job) and I just don’t feel like I fit. I can’t join in the complaining, over working doesn’t come first my daughter does and I am having a hard time making peace with it all today.

    • Ruth

      It’s never easy to pursue our dreams when that means being different from what everyone else expects of us. Put your hands to your heart and feel what it’s telling you. Honor yourself for choosing to do what aligns with your values and vision for your life. Blessings.

  • Ruth

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for the very timely article! It’s been hard doing what I do, because even loved ones don’t necessarily get it or support me. And in fact, it’s been hard being me because I’m always the one who does things differently, choosing to do what no one around me does, a rebel and a non-conformist at heart. And today, my work as coach calls me to support others who are like me, choosing to follow their path and pursue their passion. Yes, it may be lonely but today, I’m setting the intention to call in my tribe. Your words have really given me the encouragement I needed. Gratitude and love.

  • Mirjam

    Thank you for this one! Though we know this it’s good to be reminded and feel connected to other ‘loners’.

  • Carrie

    I lost a love, because I stood up to his mother. I kept my mouth shut for a couple of years with her, until I couldn’t stand her overstepping one more boundary, intruding one more time, having such an abnormal, co-dependent attachment to her son… He started to see her for what she is and started standing up to her, as well, but she’s what he grew up with and was comfortable with and he felt making me a priority over her was betraying her. So yes, standing up for yourself and going out on a limb can definitely be lonely at times…but better alone and at peace than lonely in a dysfunctional relationship.

  • Wow, does this hit home. The leading edge I hope I’m on is creating a movement/changing a culture around singing. My hobby, singing barbershop music, is SOOOO joyful. There are many lovely, beautiful, wonderful, amazing people who have chronic health issues (allergies, cancer, joint pain, diabetes, and excess weight) which interferes in movement, breath support, memory, focus, and having the time of their lives while providing joy and harmony for others. I see it so clearly that integrating wellness coaching would result in even fuller expression of health and harmony, but when I bring it up, I don’t hear a symphony of “yes”! I hear crickets. So I guess I’ll keep singing until the right people hear something they like.

  • Wow, I relate with this intensely. Not only am I the weirdo, but I also live in a rural area so I have been feeling lonely for a while. But I am finding my tribe and it is so refreshing, that it feels like magic. And that’s how I know that it’s worth the stretch. Thank you for the encouragement.

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