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Somebody wants what you have.

Right now, someone in the world envies you. They admire your business. They covet your wardrobe. They lust after your husband.

To someone somewhere you look like you have it all. Your website makes their mouth water. Your pictures on Facebook make them yearn for adventure in their life. Seeing you makes them crave more.

Feeling jealous is part of being human but what we do with this emotion is a choice. (Click to tweet)

There are plenty of religions and spiritual practices that would have us believe that to want something another has is wrong. I’d like to suggest otherwise.

I’d like to suggest that noticing the good that someone else has got going on is a reminder of what you desire. It’s a clue as to where to point your ship as you steer your life. It’s a sign that you’re a living, breathing, emotive human being.

When you find yourself envying another, remember:

  • Someone, somewhere, wants what you have too. Take a moment to be grateful for how amazing your life is right now. Notice specific things that you appreciate and breath them in to your grateful body.
  • Embrace your envy. It’s great information that will help you make decisions to move you towards more of what you want in life and to steer clear of what you don’t.
  • You always have a choice as to which kind of jealous you’re going to be: the bitter kind who resents someone else for what they have, or the trusting kind who celebrates the success of another as an affirmation that if they can do it, so can you.

When you think the grass is greener at your girlfriends house or in your competitor’s business, get out your hose and water your own grass.

Channel your desire for what someone else has into practical actions that will get you what you want. When used this way, envy can be used for good instead of evil.

And remember, as my dear friend Danielle LaPorte reminds us, most of the time we have goal setting all backwards. We make our Bucket List or our 5-year plan and fill it with accomplishments, things we want to buy, people we want to meet, babies we want to have, and trips we want to take. But the only reason we want any of these things is because we think that having them is going to make us feel a certain way. It’s the same with envy. We’re actually craving a feeling that we think the person we’re jealous of is having.

Next week Danielle launches The Desire Map. It’s a guide to determining the way you truly want to feel so you can use that as your compass to craft your life. I was lucky enough to get a sneak peek of the program and, in a word, it’s genius. It will revolutionize how you make choices and help you think in a new way about your life that will make things easier.

Danielle is hosting a 3-day launch event for her revolutionary program that starts next Wednesday, December 5th. Pop on over to her site to get on the invite list. It’s a party that you won’t want to miss.

Whether you choose to locate your true desires using Danielle’s process or not, remember that your envy is simply a beautiful reminder of what you truly want. Don’t try and ignore it or it will seep into your cells and recycle into resentment. Or worse, numbness.

Don’t use it as fuel for your woe-is-me-fire.Instead, remember that your envy is a guiding light. Use it that way and it will become a trusted friend instead of a feared enemy.

Don’t forget to get on Danielle’s invite list for The Desire Map launch event happening next week (it’s all virtual – no travel necessary).

In the comments below, let me know what you think of jealousy and envy. How do they make you feel? Do you have a story of channeling these seemingly negative emotions into positive action? I’d love to hear your thoughts!


  • Oh Kate – that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. My husband was especially pleased to know that someone is lusting after him ;-) but I was needing to hear that, actually, my life is pretty amazing and that people want what I have. I am going through a huge transition (moving countries) and I have been looking enviously at how you undertook your Freedom Tour. It is so good to think that others are thinking I’m doing a “freedom move” of my own!

  • Well said! Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!

  • I’m so much better about watering my own grass now :)

    xo Johanna

  • This whipped me right back into focus today. Thank you!! What I am and what I have is enough. Actually it’s so much more than enough, it’s incredible! How selfish of me to not fully appreciate my life when someone else would be grateful to have it. Perspective…

  • Wouw, this is powerful! Thank you for making me realize even more how lucky I am.

  • Helena

    Like your reflexions… Also make me explore more and more… By my one experience I say that envy is an indicator of me wanting something that is not aligned with my “trueself”, so I know that in reality I’m never going to have it (I used to envy all that perfect wives, in perfect houses, with perfect kids…). On the contrary, when I want something that is aligned with my life purpose, its not envy at all, It’s more like an inspiration, a way to go, and I am just so happy to embrace that, and to somehow be a part of it.

  • i really like this…and it’s something that i forget. i am no longer in denial about my own jealousy…and by not being in denial, i have found i get jealous a lot less. but, there are times when i do get jealous! i can’t help myself. with so many women rocking their lives and businesses…sometimes, it just happens. but then i realize that it’s there, (the jealousy) and i work through it.

    i never considered looking at the fact that there are people who might feel that way about me. great point.

    have a great day! (to whoever reads this comment) :D


  • To desire something is a good thing, because it motivates you to take the steps necessary to get whatever it is. When that desire turns into envy or jealousy, that means that you’ve surpassed the state of desire and either grown lazy about doing what you must to attain what you want or you are insecure about your ability to complete the tasks required to meet your end goal.

    So when I feel envious or jealous, that let’s me know that it’s time to look deep within myself and figure out what my problem is. It means that I’m not listening to myself, not really.

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