The Best Way to Prepare Mentally and Emotionally for a Second Baby

The Best Way to Prepare Mentally and Emotionally for a Second Baby

As I prepare for giving birth a second time and stepping into a whole new version of motherhood with two kiddos instead of one – and I try to do everything within my power to get ready – I’m feeling the truth of the following statement:

I am already ready, and I will never be ready.

Despite doing many things to prepare myself for birth and motherhood the first time around, I had no idea how intense it was going to be, and looking back now I see that while I’m sure none of my preparations were wasted, there’s literally nothing I could have done to fully prepare me.

And while I know the only thing that will truly make me ready to be a mother of two is the experience of mothering two, I also know this:

We all have everything we need within us right this second.

We don’t need another course…

We don’t need a coach…

We don’t need to read another book…

We don’t need more information…

Or more insight…

Or another practice…

Or philosophy..

…to tap into the brilliance and resiliency of who we are.

We have all of this within us already. It’s just a matter of remembering.

After having our first daughter Penelope, I read tons of books (mostly on baby sleep) and spent a lot of time Googling and chatting with other moms in Facebook groups. In retrospect, what I thought was trying to become the best mother I could be was actually a thinly veiled cover for grasping for control in a situation that left me feeling the least agency I’d ever felt in my life.

And then as a reply to one of my social media posts, someone responded that a nurse had given her the best parenting advice she’d ever heard:

Read your baby, not a book. – Unknown 

The Best Way to Prepare Mentally and Emotionally for a Second Baby

I read it and the truth of it ran through my veins like a healing, calming elixir that my frayed system desperately needed.

That day I took all of my baby sleep books off the shelf and gave them to Goodwill. I’d relocated my agency the moment I stopped trying to source my mothering from somewhere else and instead brought myself back home to my baby, my home, and my body. If my body knew how to grow this tiny human, she certainly had the wisdom to guide me through how to best take care of her.

There’s infinite information, insight, and wisdom on the planet. We were all given God/Goddess’s direct line. Some of us simply forgot where we wrote it down.

I write this with a sense of irony, given the fact that I work in the personal growth industry. So I’m not telling you not to buy any more personal growth books or take any more workshops. (I would be SUCH a hypocrite if I did.)

Do I believe in the work that I do in the world? Hell, yeah. Will I keep attending seminars, searching my soul, going on retreats, and listening to others for wisdom and insight? You bet your bippy.

But today I’m simply reminding us both that the best answers come from within, and even when we hear them from another source, the only reason they ring true is because they resonate with something that we already know inside.

If we went within and asked our souls more questions instead of looking for answers outside, we would probably spontaneously combust from unleashing the spark of divinity cooking away in there at all times.

As we welcome our second baby girl into our family and I inevitably find myself feeling out of control from time to time, I vow to myself and my girls that I will check in before I check out.

When we let the fields of input lie fallow for a season the next time we walk into a seminar, take a course, or open a personal growth book, we’ll be coming from a place of fullness instead of emptiness. We won’t be looking for the missing piece of information to complete us or fill in the gaps where we’re failing. Instead we’ll be browsing for the cherry on top of our already incredibly dense, deep, sweet, wise cakes of self-assurance and personal knowing.

You’ll get a heck of a lot more out of another person’s wisdom when you first see yourself as full, instead of empty. 

The Best Way to Prepare Mentally and Emotionally for a Second Baby

So my reminder to you (and me) today is this:

When it comes to mothering, business, marriage, and everything else, your best answers are sourced from within.

Start there and you’ll feel found a lot more of the time than you feel lost.

You already have everything within you that you need.

You are full already. You came in that way. You are lacking in nothing.

You’ve got this.

OVER TO YOU:

How do you check in with yourself and your inner guidance? What practices do you have around this? Let me know in the comments!

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5 comments

  • Emy

    Although I’m a mother of 3 adults, This post resonated with me because once you’re a mother-you’re always a mother regardless of your kid’s ages. You still worry, you still wish life is easy and good to them, you always remember when they were little. Also loved how you connected the business and personal growth to this blog!

  • Laila

    Thanks Kate for this message.
    Congratulations to you and Mike again on baby #2!!! What a blessing.

    I’m also prego (with my first) and it’s very surreal and very exciting . I’ve been given a ton of baby books to read (from friends who’s been thru it) I’ve browsed every baby websites and read comments trying to prepare myself for this baby, because I want to do everything right, of course.
    However, I have to put it all down and breathe because it’s too much information and its so overwhelming. And a voice inside me says “you got this, you already know what to do” and I have to remind myself that I’ve watched and took care of 7 nieces and nephews before so I should be ok. But still it’s very scary that it’s very own.
    Now I’m learning to do more “self care” and making time to bond with the baby and being grateful rather than overloading myself with too much info that will only stress me out.

  • Best of luck Kate with baby #2. The transition from 3 to 4 is a big one! I found it more challenging than baby #1, honestly, because being attentive to my toddler’s needs and a newborn are so different (and tiredness is very real in those early days). Surrendering to the process and just being present is important and checking in with yourself (and cutting yourself a break!), as you say. Emotionally it’s all so intense but worth it. Those moments of love between siblings, with your kids, husband, it’s bliss and what life is about. Everything else can wait. Blessings to you and your new addition.

  • Right on, right on! I need to hear that every other day! So true. I’m a total personal development junkie but I am re-learning through my child that I have what I need inside of me and deep down I know the right move. I like what you said about using the courses and seminars as the “cherry on top”. Thank you for the reminder. Many blessings on your second baby. You got this!!

  • Pixie

    Walking meditations and music! Music really lifts my vibrations…

    I’ve had a lot of stress and mind noise overwhelm lately and I just tuned out while listening to some tunes and then I heard it… my intuition loud and clear… it gave me this answer, which seemed so freaking clear and OBVIOUS.

    I’d been ‘searching’ for the ‘right’ answer these past 8 months … Funny because the answer I got from my intuition was so easy, uncomfortable in a sense (because I could no longer be in denial) and clear.

    I think for myself anyway, when I’m trying to get control, that’s the ego voice and that’s fearful. But my intuition is always a calm, non anxious voice… and it usually suggests shaking things up.

    Thanks for this post! I totally felt the same as a first time mama and I chucked the books early on too!! Hahaha

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