I have something really embarrassing to share with you.

Last week we took our 7 year old to the dentist to get her two front teeth pulled to hopefully give the adult teeth more space to come in and fix her current teeth on teeth bite situation.

Our almost 5 year old came along (because she refused to be left out) and I was secretly hoping they’d just sneak her in for an exam, too, rather than us having to come back in a couple of weeks.

They fit her in for a check-up without me even asking (thank you Universe’s To Do List!) and then I got some really shocking news after our big girl had her teeth pulled:

Our little one had not one, not two, not four, but seven freaking cavities!

For context:

My Grandad was a dentist. I’ve never had a cavity. I was raised vegan macrobiotic. I’m the mom in the school chat who asks if other families could please not send candy in for Valentine’s Day and other parties. Our kids don’t drink soda and candy is really rare.

I’m by no means a perfect mom but health is an area we put a lot of focus on so the cavity thing was really out of left field.

So, after thinking thoughts like, “What kind of negligent parent have I been to let my 4 year old develop seven cavities?” I quickly regained my sense of humor and thought:

“What a great Cosmic Joke.”

A great joke for the part of me that teeters on the edge of being compulsive about health and doesn’t want to pass that on to her kids.

A great joke for the part of me that’s still trying to control things, including my children (despite ever mounting evidence that it’s never gonna work and it’s the wrong pursuit anyway.)

A great joke for the part of me that’s judged other parents for stuff that happened that I couldn’t have imagined I would have let happen. (Like seven cavities!)

(I’m aware that on a scale of major things to worry about, cavities are relatively small potatoes. I know there are way worse things that could. I also know that it’s not my fault and there’s also another parent in the picture and it’s not his fault after. These things are not what this email is about.)

Now not only are we going to the dentist a second time for a Ruby check up, we’re going seven times to fix seven cavities. 

At face value the whole thing feels very “do more.”

But here’s the energy saving invitation I’ve found inside of it:

I can see where there’s room for more compassion, flexibility, and surrender in how I parent (and probably how I do everything else.)

Having more compassion, flexibility and surrender takes the energy I was previously using for blame, judgment, and control, and I can see how it can be better utilized elsewhere.

Elsewhere I like enjoying my kids. Like feeling grateful for access to great dental care (seriously our new holistic dentist is so wonderful Mike and I both almost cried during Penelope’s first appointment.) And like laughing at myself and life.

It’s moments like these that I let myself loosen up and acknowledge that we’re all just doing the best we can (and now I throw my little one over my lap face up every night to make sure I’m really brushing in all the crevices.)

May we all give ourselves a little more space to be human and revel in the energy saved when we do.

And may we all brush extra well in the back 🦷🦷🦷.

All my love,

Kate