I quote Barbara Stanny saying, “A man is not a financial plan,” in almost every one of my workshops. And yet the other day when I was having an incredible craniosacral healing session with Melanie Ericksen and she got all my chakras in order and buzzing, she asked me a question as she cradled my head. The theme of our session was on releasing any blocks to romantic partnership. The question was, “Is it important for you to be with a man who’s a provider?” And the “yes” that came through my body was so crystal clear that I surprised myself.
So the question is, why is this important to me? Why is it important to any woman? I can only speak for myself to answer this question, but I have a feeling that the deep part of me that wants to be provided for is probably strikingly similar to that deep part in any woman. So, again the question, why is being with a man who is a provider important to me? Honestly, on a purely intellectual level it seems silly. I am more than capable of making money. In fact I’m really good at making money and I always have been, ever since the days of selling lemonade and babysitting. I have a career that I love. I have a very strong (sometimes too strong) masculine side that supports me in getting ‘er done, making plans, going after things, and fueling my ambition. I have a great sense of direction. I’m pretty handy around the house. I’m really good at fixing plumbing.
So given that I am fully capable of providing for myself and I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll continue to be able to do so with increasing levels of abundance as I get older, what’s with the provider desire? There is a part of me that simply wants to be taken care of. As much as I teach about the importance of women’s financial independence and literacy (which I TOTALLY believe in and stand for) there is a part of me that wants someone (preferably a handsome man) to take care of it all for me. Yes, it’s true, on some level I’m waiting for my Prince Charming. Barbara Stanny wrote a fantastic book called Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money and I confess that I haven’t been able to get through more than the first twenty or thirty pages despite having read both of her other books several times. My inner damsel in distress still yearns for him to come sweep me off my feet and just do it all for me when it comes to making money and providing. No matter how many books I read to talk myself out of this and no matter how much I learn about investing and take major actions towards financial freedom and independence, I have a really pretty inner hanky-dropping eyelash batting über-feminine self who is ready and willing to be cared for. (Side note here: I do want to be clear that I’m building residual income, investing, saving, and taking all the steps around being my own Prince Charming despite this little part of me that yearns to be cared for.)
Yes, I know this is all biological. It’s really only been a nano-second in recorded history that women are at all capable of being their own providers. When my grandfather died just barely over thirty years ago, my grandmother wasn’t even able to take a loan out in her own name. Women have only been considered worthy citizens with valid opinions (ie, allowed to vote) for the past ninety-one years. My mom wasn’t able to attend Dartmouth, her dream school, for her undergrad degree because when she was eighteen they weren’t accepting women. Biologically speaking, women have evolved to look for men who will take care of them and their kids. Its all based on procreation and keeping our species going, I suppose.
So what is a twenty-seven year old woman like myself who consciously and intellectually knows she is more than capable of taking care of herself to do with this desire to be provided for? Do I only date men who make six figures? Do I act a little less capable than I am to allow the space for men to be in their masculine and take care of me? Do I practice “egg wisdom” and sit around and do nothing and simply attract more often?
The truth is it feels good to be taken out to dinner. I love knowing I can surrender into the capable hands of a guy who will make a reservation, hail a cab, know the directions, open the door, escort me into a room with his hand at the small of my back, order for me, and get me home safe and sound. The truth is I make decisions all day long in my business. I lead. I decide. I take care of. I hold space. I love doing all these things. And I love having them all done for me. The truth is I have a financial plan and it doesn’t have a “y” chromosome. And the truth is I still want to be taken care of. I think (and hope and pray) that I get to have both.
Do you want to be provided for?
Is there a part of you that is waiting for your Prince Charming?
What do you think about the traditional masculine and feminine roles and how they play out in modern relationships?