How I Seduced Myself Out of 40K of Debt

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This week I’m thrilled to introduce you to my dear friend, Kitty Cavalier. She’s babysitting my blog while I snuggle with my new little peanut, Penelope.

Kitty is an expert seductress. But this doesn’t mean she’s a manipulative vamp trying to pull men into bed with her.

It means she knows how to co-create with Life to spread and enhance beauty, fun, pleasure, and love everywhere she goes.

Not only does she teach this in her online courses, coaching, and private retreats, she also practices it in her own life. (That may sound obvious, but it’s amazing how many teachers don’t actually practice what they preach. Kitty is not one of them.)

In her transparent post she shares how she used her own medicine to get out of $40K of debt.  The story inspired me to take a closer look at my spending and what itch I’m trying to scratch with my purchases. I know it will do the same for you.

Then, be sure to listen in to the audio Glimpse TV episode I recorded with Kitty this past fall.  The conversation is juicy and it’s the perfect opportunity to learn even more tools and tricks for using the sacred art of seduction to create a life that you truly love.

And now, I bring you Kitty Cavalier!

 

June of 2013 was a month of massive change in my life. My relationship of 11 years with the man who was my husband- crumbled before my eyes in one day. I had recently left my six-figure job to focus entirely on my business.  In the blink of an eye I was suddenly living alone for the first time in my life and had no reliable source of income. During those summer months, I walked around like a cartoon character who had just been hit by an anvil falling out of the sky. A haze of pain, confusion and fear blurred everything within my sightline.

Fortunately, I had $35,000 in a savings account once my husband and I spilt our finances. It didn’t take long, however, for that $35,000 to drain from my account and $40,000 in debt to take it’s place. “You’ve got to spend money to make money,” is what I told myself as I completely shut down my consciousness around spending.  I bought self-development courses, new clothes, redecorated my apartment and made massive investments in my business and brand. I spent thousands on take-out as I re-learned how to take care of myself as a single person. I got a dog.

Some of these investments were wise and grounded (like the dog), but most were physical manifestations of a woman who felt lost, wounded and impulsive.

One day, I looked around my apartment taking inventory of all the new things I had collected. It looked very pretty, but it felt very sad. I knew in my bones that my divorce was a necessary re-invention, and I thought if I could make myself look like the woman I wanted to become – a mature, successful, grounded, sovereign woman – I could speed up or maybe even bypass altogether the growing pains that came with actually having to grow up. Then, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks: regardless of who I was trying to become by overspending, the woman I was actually becoming was a woman $40K in the hole.  And with every $30 take-out order or new throw pillow I thought would “complete the look”, the reinvention I so longed for was being driven further and further away. Feeling hopeless and helpless, I finally turned to my one true spiritual home: Seduction.

“Seduction?” you might be thinking, as you envision me donning a red dress and high heels, hitting the bar at the Carlyle to lure a wealthy businessman into my spiderweb.  But that is not the side of seduction I am speaking of.  That kind of seduction, rooted in manipulation, exploitation, and ultimately fear, is the shadow side at play.

The type of seduction I am talking about is what I call Sacred Seduction. Sacred Seduction is a practice of attraction through authenticity.  It is magnetism over manipulation, instinct over impulse.  It is listening to the desires that seduce you to your core, the ones that feel like they are pulling from a place so deep that it is a power beyond you, and, no matter how vulnerable or uncomfortable it makes you feel, heeding that call.

When I approached my financial situation through the paradigm of Sacred Seduction, I realized that what had been seducing me into debt was a period of “conscious unconsciousness.”.  I knew I was digging a hole that would be hard to get out of, but the pain of stopping my spending felt worse than the pain of continuing it at the time.  Now, a new desire was pressing forth in me like a green shoot emerging from dark soil.  It was a craving for stability, security, and most of all, self-respect.  When I really looked within, I finally realized that nothing I could buy would ever come close to the satisfaction that financial security made me feel.  {TWEET IT} Kitty Cavalier Blog Meme

 

When something would then flash before me begging to be purchased – whether it was a fancy bag of veggie chips or an entrepreneurial retreat in the Caribbean – I would close my eyes, pause, and feel.  What was really seducing me here? What itch was getting scratched by the idea of making this purchase? When I slowed down to feel, I would realize that the thing that was actually seducing me most was my power.   And once I felt that, the impulse to buy became easy to abate. (Nice try, veggie chips.) I call this practice “Seductive Restraint”, which means practicing restraint with the intention of bringing that which we truly want closer. Different from restriction, which is often rooted in control, restraint is a practice of surrender, just like Sacred Seduction itself.

Today I beam with pride to tell you that I am just a few months away from being completely debt free, and my business is absolutely thriving. But the pride I feel now does not come from having a dramatic before-and-after story. It is the pride of a woman who has slowed down to feel the swells of seduction within her, and no matter how uncomfortable it was, surrendered to their ebb and flow like a mermaid does the tides.  It is the pride of a seductively sovereign woman.  It is the pride of a woman who is living her truth, and who has walked the winding labyrinth all the way to the center, where I found the woman I always wanted to become.
Check out my recent interview with Kate where we talk about Sacred Seduction and what role it plays in our every day lives!

Over to You:

How does this new take on seduction resonate with you? When you look through this new paradigm, can you see Sacred Seduction at work in your life? I’ll be keeping an eye on your comments and would love to hear what you think.

For more inspiration to bring more Sacred Seduction into your life, click here to check out Kitty’s book, follow her on Instagram and head over to www.kittycavalier.com/glimpsetv to claim a special free gift just for readers.

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48 comments

  • Kitty, I love the idea of looking at what is seducing me from financial freedom, can you give a few ways to lean into this? I know of the ways is I maxed out the credit card, in the past, I would just go get another. But I am not. It has almost been freeing to not keep spending. I also am trying to reassure myself by keeping a little cash in my wallet so if I do need something, I am allowed. Any other ideas? Thanks so much!!

    • Hey Alison! I would be happy to. It sounds like you are already on the right track having tasted the freedom that restraint has to offer by not getting another credit card. Brava! What ideas are you looking for specifically? Let me know what areas cause you trouble and I’d be happy to share some ideas. Love, Kitty

  • Angela

    This was a heartfelt message that reached my core. Thank you for sharing.

  • Oh boy, do I know the seductiveness of spending. I’m still struggling to turn it around. We have currently re-mortgaged our house to the max and are a couple months away from living off our credit cards.

    I have been struggling to get my Mindful Eating Weight Loss Coaching off the ground, spent all our savings learning and getting set up. But of course I still struggle with the feeling of I don’t know enough, especially since I don’t have a ton of clients trying to hire me. Why would someone hire me, when they could just join a fad diet and lose 30 lbs. (although we all know they’ll gain those 30 lbs back). I even have a good friend who tell’s me I’ll never make it if I don’t have a quick fix weight loss program. (note… she is a chronic dieter and re-gain it all back again). Not helping me here!!

    I know what my friend tells me is just not true, and I really have to keep on guard of my mindset.

    Although I am beginning to turn the boat around… but we are getting scarily close to the waterfall.

    Thanks for this post Kate and Kitty… it really hit home for me.

    • Kate Northrup

      Adriana – you’ll never know enough to feel enough. Feeling enough comes from within – not from learning more. I recommend Tara Mohr’s book Playing Big. I think it will really help you overcome the hurdle of worrying that you don’t have what it takes – which of course you DO!

    • Adriana,

      Thank you for sharing! I can so relate. One of the best pieces of business advice I’ve even received was that 90% of business success is managing your own mind. In other words, we already have enough voices of doubt swimming around, so when someone else makes a comment to echo them, we take it as a signal to pump the brakes, hard. I once had a brand manager tell me she loved everything about what I did but that I needed to lose the word “Seduction” because it was too intimidating. Her scoff just made my fire burn brighter. I praise you for telling your truth in the world and using it to help and inspire others! Go Adriana Go!

  • Hi Kate and Kitty!

    I assist people with Downsizing and sooo frequently run into distraction, rejection, resistance, upset and sadness around getting rid of their stuff from overpurchasing. It is far easier to shift their paradigm if they can look at what pains them about tossing it “overboard.” I also focus on the compassion of donating their once loved things to others in need in the Portland area. That loosens the grip a little bit!
    Thanks for the great post…all the best to Kate, Mike and the kid!!!
    Paula

  • Wow! “Sacred Seduction”, I did not know what I am experiencing at this time in my life had such a fabulous name. As I am now walking through the path of awareness that what I have been doing up till now, HAS NOT BEEN WORKING! In all areas of my life so I have surrendered and am willing and open to a new. Thank you Kitty for showing me the “new”.

    Heartfelt warmth,
    Karen

    p.s. thank you Kate for introducing Kitty to me, one of your faithful readers and #1 fan!

    • Kate Northrup

      Enjoy this new way Karen and thanks for being a faithful member of this community! I so appreciate it!

    • High five Karen! I’m so happy to hear that seduction has been having it’s way with you and now that you know, you can begin a fine romance! Wonderful to meet you and so glad you enjoyed the post. Love, Kitty

  • Marilyn

    I loved reading this and it all makes so much sense. My husband started his own business a few years ago and I got comfortable. Then this past year it was not of lucrative as in the past. We have been struggling & credit cards are maxed out and I (we) are frustrated. I have discovered recently that money makes me nervous. Too much or lack of either way my head starts spinning and I am caught somewhere between and in between is a place I don’t like. My friends are all going & doing and spending & saving – they seem to not be struggling and are talking retirement and at this rate I will have to work forever as well as my husband and this is for sure not what we want. I am not sure how to be with my friends when I can’t do the same and frankly at this point in my life (50’s) it’s embarrassing to me and I don’t know how to get over that. Suggestions? Thanks!!

  • Marie

    Thank you Kate for introducing Kitty. Beautiful to have someone so in tune with who you are and your audience keep and boss that sacred space for you. Kitty spoke completely to me i am at a crossroads moving onto the right path. Kitty rocks. Kate you are a giver with love. I applaud you putying everything in place lovingly for family and followers. All the more greatness and loving kindness to you.
    P.s i am on a break in san diego getting myself clear and raising my standards and beliefs

  • Aloha Kitty,
    Thank you for this. Perfect timing as I realize just how much I desire this for myself. Great blog! Can’t wait to put these tools into practice ????

  • Dear Kitty– what a breath of fresh air!! We all SO NEED this upgrade in our understanding of Sacred Seduction vs Vampire Seduction!! Bravo, bravo, bravo!! Christiane

  • I am super intrigued by this idea and can’t wait to learn more about Sacred Seduction! I can see so many areas of my life where I hope I can benefit from this practice – finances/building financial independence, love life (or the current non-existence of one haha!), and success in the work place!

  • I love this! As I make my own transition, I now have a new framework for moving forward. I’ve been feeling a shift but couldn’t put words around how I was feeling. Now, I see more clearly and can focus on me with a new understanding of my seductive self. I will honor this part of my journey with great joy.

    Thank you

  • Maria

    I read this article and had to wonder what it would look like if it were written by a Chicana, African American, or woman who was a survivor of domestic violence. I think it would probably go something like this: I just moved into a small apartment with my two kids. I am working full time to support my kids because my ex isn’t paying child support. My car needs some work but it will have to wait until the next paycheck. Thank goodness for the love and support of my family & friends because we do have each other, our dreams, intelligence, and determination to carve out a decent life. We do not collectively have the luxury of $35,000 in savings to piss away on redecorating or expensive take-out, but we do have an awareness of how the world works that includes a critical analysis of class and privilege that comes from our histories, lives, and experiences. We live in the real world and recognize that this fantasy world of seduction is open to only a few who already had access to it.

    • Kate Northrup

      Thanks for your comment Maria. I appreciate the alternate perspective. I try not to assume anything about anyone’s background, though. We don’t know everything about where Kitty has come from and what she’s had to overcome (well, I do, but that’s hers to share.) Everyone has their own plight. And Kitty’s perspective on gratitude and treating her finances as a means of self care as opposed to digging deeper into debt trying to scratch an itch that buying things will never scratch is helpful regardless of your financial situation. Her post is not meant to address the socio-economic situation of the entire world. It’s one woman’s story being told for the purpose of inspiring another. Yes, finances have much to do with privilege and access. But they also have a lot to do with our mindset. That’s why there are countless stories of those who’ve overcome their background and created abundance on many levels, financial and otherwise. This post is about mindset and how we can use it to change our circumstances. Hopefully that helps!

    • Hey Maria, thanks for your comment. There’s one line in particular that I’d like to speak to: “this fantasy world of seduction is open to only a few who already had access to it.” Seduction is actually available to all of us. In fact, seduction is part of what drove you to post this comment – because your passion to respond seduced you! :) Seduction in the paradigm I’m describing here is the simple force of attraction in action. It’s the drive behind how what we desire becomes what what we do. Like all natural forces, there is a shadow side and a light. When I spent every dollar I had ever saved in all 34 years of my life on things I didn’t value, that was the shadow side at work. Thankfully, the seduction of the things that brought true meaning to my life and the lives of those around me, as you said – family, friends, dreams, my intelligence and my determination, brought me back into the light. The mission of Sacred Seduction is to restore female sovereignty and give women more clarity and truth when making choices and using their voice. So thank you for listening to your own inner seduction and letting your thoughts be heard here.

  • Cœur

    Dear Kate and Kitty,

    Thank you for this amazing interview – it touched a very deep part of my soul and made me cry.

  • Ann Moller aka Annie

    Dearest Kitty & Kate,

    Yes, this blog post absolutely resonated with me. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Kitty, and for inviting her to do so, Kate. I do believe I can see Sacred Seduction in my life for sure, and I love the idea of Seductive Restraint as a tool when feeling seduced by something not ultimately nourishing for me. It will take me a bit more digestion to put my finger on it precisely, but I think I can even see that sense of the true seduction being toward my power, which Kitty talked about it. Though I would also LOVE to hear more, Kitty, about what that felt and looked like, how you came to that realization, etc. In any case, this is all very timely for me and a really delicious and potent layer to add to the cake I’m currently baking in my life — a cake filled with healing and growth around my relationship to money and self-care.

    Love you both to infinity & beyond,
    Annie

    • Kate Northrup

      Happy baking sweet sister! I’m cheering you on and so is Little P!

    • Thank you darling Annie! I want to come over and celebrate when you are ready to put candles on that cake! I think for me it was giving into the cyclical nature of things. I knew I was spiraling out of control. It wasn’t an unconscious thing. Because I was doing it consciously I was aware of the pain I was causing. I think that caused the sea change to happen a bit faster than if I had just convinced myself nothing was wrong. And then when things had gotten really out of control and I couldn’t really do things like pay my rent or take Winnie to the vet for her checkup, it was a bottom. Yay for bottoms! :) And in that moment the pain of not changing became greater than the pain of change. Hope that helps! Love you sister!

  • This resonated with me so, so deeply. Thank you :)

  • Cryssa

    I think where I get stuck is being in a place where we have trouble living within our means just to provide the necessities, like rent, health insurance, daycare, groceries…At this point our income doesn’t cover those things so we have a tough time trying to figure out how to make it work, let alone starting to pay off our debt. Any thoughts?

    • Kate Northrup

      What are some creative ways to increase your income? Anything you could sell? Odd jobs you could do? Skills you have that you could freelance with? Asking for a raise?

  • Shelissa

    This is divine… my personal and financial growth/USANA goddess and my bestie’s bestie from high school. Kitty, I’ve admired you through Jen for years, but never really GOT what it’s all about. This (re)introduction to your work could not have come at a more perfect time for me. I am going through some major personal changes right now. Thank you to both of you for embodying what it is to be a successful woman who is comfortable and confident in her own skin. It is such a beautiful thing!

    • Kitty Cavalier

      SHELISSA!!! Wow! What a joy to hear from you on here! I’m so glad the post resonated with you. Rock on seductress!

  • Thank you Kitty for this post.

    I have just read this as am going through a deep transformation in my money journey – after years of being in the debt cycle and a few years having invested in Kate’s Money Love course I am finally taking responsibility and not hiding in guilt / shame any longer and have also connected to slowing down in order to heal my relationship with money, heal my inner child, hold and nurture her and parent her, stepping in to my power and adult self. This spoke to me deep to my core and my heart. I will follow you on insta for updated Inspo.

    With love like Lavender, Holly x

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