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4 life-altering steps to create a life you want to live in.

The other day I heard a woman say that escaping her life every weekend to her mountain home was what was getting her through.

Immediately, this question popped into my mind:

What if, instead of looking for ways to escape, we decided to create lives we love so much that we want to stay fully in them? (Click to tweet)

Sandy beached resorts wink at us through turquoise blue eyes with the promise of “getting away from it all.” Many are seduced to leave themselves and their lives through any number of substances daily: alcohol, cigarettes, pot, sugar, pain killers, [insert drug of choice here].

When my parents met and were deciding where they wanted to build a life together they chose Maine. They chose Maine because they knew that they both wanted to spend their vacations in Maine. So, they figured, why not simply live where we would want to vacation anyway? Why not create a life that we want to live inside, instead of one we need to escape from?

How can we make our lives, even in tiny ways, more inhabitable?

How can we make them more inviting?

How can we craft a daily reality that makes us want to stay instead of leave?

I’ve got 4 ideas for you:

1. Stop trying to prove anything to anyone. I have a friend who, after years of struggling and striving in New York City, recently moved to the country. She realized she’d been trying to prove something and now she was done. Her new found ease is palpable in her skin, her eyes, and the way she stands. She chose to make her life a place she wanted to live.

2. Be you. I’ll never forget when I was in high school feeling frustrated with my sister. A close family friend pointed out that I would probably get a lot further in life by being myself instead of trying to not be my sister. Trying not to be my sister was exhausting. Being me instead created a life that was, and continues to be, far more hospitable.

3. Notice what triggers your escape plan. Who are you with when you find yourself wanting to drink? What conversation were you just having before eating that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? What were you saying to yourself as you bought the pack of cigarettes? When you say you really need to “get away”, what is it that you’re trying to leave? The answers to these questions will give you clues to what needs tweaking.

4. Easy does it. Your life does not require a complete overhaul in order for you to want to live it. Tiny changes make a world of difference. Frustrated with your current situation moonlighting as a server at a restaurant? Spend your off hours designing those dresses you’re always dreaming up for someday when you have the money to start your own label. The hours infused with creative juice will offset the hours spent taking orders. Your life will become more tolerable by the minute. And you’ll want to stay there because it will just keep getting better.

There’s nothing wrong with new states of consciousness, changes in scenery, and shaking things up so long as you’re pursuing them for expansion, not escape. Next time you find yourself craving an escape, stop and see how you can inhabit your life instead. It won’t happen overnight. But little by little you’ll have created a life you truly want to live in.

In the comments, share one thing you can do this week to make your life a little more livable. I’m excited to hear what you come up with!

P.S. Want to have a life AND a body that you love living in? Check out my newly launched Foxy Bod Program, a 28-day experience in slimming down while loving yourself up. Registration ends tomorrow and you won’t want to miss it.


  • Mo

    This week I am going to clear out “stuff” that no longer reflects who I am and I am going to get adventurous with bright, bold colors and paint the inside of my house. No more matchy-matchy, I want color that inspires me.

  • Such wisdom here Kate! I especially love number 1 since I believe our body completely clues us in to when we are thriving vs. just surviving.

  • Thanks Kate! This is awesome advice. I intuitively did this myself and I adore my life. But I’ll be sharing this with the tons of women who call me “lucky”. Phhhhlllpttt. Luck had nothing to do with it ;)
    One of the best things I did is looked around at why everyone was suffering through school. To get a good job, mostly. So I quit school and went out and made an awesome job. Haven’t looked back.
    Thanks always for the inspiration! E-hugs!

  • Caroline

    Love this SO SO much!!

  • Sara Knowles

    This week I will continue to create things – some Goddess garb for a dear friend, and crochet scarves and hats for whoever wants them!

  • Maybe I’m out of it, but I love getting away from time to time for a vacation. Seeing new places, new friends, new experiences. When I come home I feel relaxed and renewed. Didn’t know that was a bad thing

  • Today, I’m going to continue building the KLT factor to hopefully get my business off the ground. Having money would definitely make it easier to get rid of the old potato sack clothes and the debt. Fixing the husband is harder.

  • erin

    perfect. Just what I needed. I’ve been dealing with lots of change and then I go into periods of shut-down. Like right now. I notice I try to change or make changes with lots of shame behind it. Number 1 on your list hits home for me. Thank you!

  • Paula Waldeck

    I’m going to stay in the moment and listen within. Face things head on with a grateful heart.

  • Having lived in NYC for many years, I totally get why people “escape” to weekend places. Experiential people often thrive on the dualistic energy which the city and country offer. The yang energy of the city can be so expansive that the perfect remedy to create order and balance is spending time in the country. I think there exists an energetic need to eacape when people live in densely populated areas, not necessarily because their life is somehow not good enough, but rather because they physiologically need grounding energy. So one thing we can all do this week to make our lives more livable is pay attention to how our environment affects our energy. If your body yearns for snowy fields then go make snow angels. If you need some external energy to draw upon, then go out to dinner with friends.

  • Anne Northrup

    Wow Kate your Foxybod site looks fabulous! nice work.

  • I love this blog! I especially like step 4!
    It’s great to do something every day that feeds your spirit and brings a smile to your face (music, walks in nature, working out, laughing, reading something inspirational…) It really works and can re-focus you on what you want to have, feel and create that day!

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