I booked a month at the beach this August with the intention of writing, relaxing, cooking, doing yoga, getting a great tan, and spending quality time with other people I love who value space, green, slowing down, turning in, and chilling out. I am an ardent believer in the power of intention, but this belief is trumped by my deep knowing that, in the words of the great Mr. Jagger and Mr. Richards, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find . . . You get what you need.”

Apparently, this summer what I needed—what my soul was longing for way more than a month of relaxation and introspection—was a lesson in taking a stand and telling the truth. (Necessary digression: It turns out when you name your blog “AuthentiKate,” the universe conspires to give you all sorts of lovely lessons and opportunities to not just walk the walk, but to strut the strut with a full-on swagger when it comes to telling it like it is. And at times, like during the month of August on my “vacation,” I sometimes wished I had named my blog “Fakin’ Kate” or something equally ripe with opportunities to sugarcoat the truth or wield smoke and mirrors. Sometimes the truth just sucks. It’s certainly not the easy path. Nope. It’s the mossy one that’s overgrown with vines, the one that’s poorly lit, muddy, and echoing with the screeches and moans of unidentified animals. It’s the scarier one. But it’s apparently the one that I’ve chosen.)

As much as I want to go into gory details of the many situations that transpired this month that squeezed me so hard I felt I had the choice to either tell the truth and take a stand for myself or suffocate, I will abstain for the following reasons: 1. I fear that illustrating the stories outright will add to my emotional charge around them. 2. I’d prefer to use vagueness to protect the anonymity of those involved. 3. As much as I talk about how the more specific we can be, the more universal and relatable our truth becomes, this is a time when I don’t think the details really matter.

Instead of composing what had the distinct possibility of becoming an overly emotional and somewhat unprocessed written diarrhea of the summer’s challenges, I’m going to try a different route and just stick with the lessons. Here are my Seven Truths About the Truth:

1.     The time is now. There is no right time or place for the truth. The perfect time for telling it like it is always lies in the present moment, reporting live from how you feel right now. Telling the truth in real time, rather than 24 or 48 hours later when you’ve had time to stew, marinate, and create a slow-cooked, falling-off-the-bones, tender roast of your version of the truth, simply makes more sense. Emotions, reality, perspectives, and sensations are so transient that, in a way, the only time the truth is relevant is right now. Just as the longer you go without taking out the garbage, the more it stinks, the longer you wait to tell the truth, the harder it becomes and the more rank it becomes from an energetic, emotional-charge perspective. Tell it now while it’s only vaguely odorous.

2.     The truth stands alone. The point of telling the truth is not to change someone’s behavior or get a desired outcome. The value of telling the truth is in owning your power, owning your perspective, and validating your experience through words. Taking a stand for oneself by telling the truth is worth it as an act of self-love and saying, “Hey! I’m here. I matter,” even if you’re the only person who hears it. The truth is not about changing someone else; it’s about honoring yourself. Just because someone doesn’t receive your truth with an open heart and an open mind doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth telling and doesn’t invalidate it. The value in your truth doesn’t come from how it lands (though there are certainly ways of telling it in more friendly ways than others). The value in your truth comes simply from telling it.

3.     The truth changes lives. The truth brings people closer together and is life-altering. As a cowboy who was helping me train a horse in Arizona once said, “The biggest gift you can ever give another living being is your truth.” Clarity and honesty works with horses and it sure as hell works with people. Last week I sat across a blanket on the beach from someone I love and told her some things that were not easy to say and were not easy for her to hear. And both of our willingness to get incredibly uncomfortable in that moment by cracking open our hearts to let the truth out and let it in bonded us in a way that would have been impossible had I not been willing to lay it down.

4.     The truth is never too late. This may seem totally in conflict with number one, but the second thing I learned about telling the truth is that it’s never too late. Based on Truth About the Truth #3, the truth—your truth—is life-changing. It’s never too late to take out smelly garbage. It’s never too late to lay it down straight.

5.     Take a stand for someone else’s truth. Sometimes you must be willing to stand for someone else’s truth when they’re not able to see it or hear it for themselves. I heard my aunt Penny tell a story about climbing to Mt. Everest Base Camp at 17,600 feet with my grandmother, Edna, this past May (my granny is the oldest woman to ever successfully make that trek). Penny talked about a moment on the trek when my grandmother was really sick and wasn’t sure she could go on and all of her doubt began to come up in that insidious way that it tends to do when we’re challenged. Penny talked about standing for her mother (my grandmother) and for the truth that she was unable to see for herself in that moment: that she could make the trek if, and only if, she was willing to receive the help that was available to her. Because of Penny’s firm resolve and deep belief in Granny, she was able to accept help and made it to Mt. Everest Base Camp.

6.     The truth gets fuzzy around the word “versus.” The truth is clouded by blame, competitiveness, reactivity, separation, and polarization. When we see things as right vs. wrong, you vs. me, black vs. white, and us vs. them, everything gets muddled and we can no longer see straight. I had an incredibly upsetting experience this week in which I was harshly blamed for something that someone had decided I had done based on inadequate evidence and intense reactivity. In my state of hurt, shock, and self-protection, I began to see her as perpetrator and me as victim, while I simultaneously began to beat myself up for what was, in essence, a miscommunication that we were both responsible for. When my dear friend helped me see how I was polarizing myself from this woman, the truth suddenly crystallized and I was able to see the situation for what it was: a simple case of mismanaged expectations and miscommunications. No blame. No right or wrong. Just a conversation that should have happened and never did. The relief that came from seeing the situation through the loving eyes of connection and collaboration was soul-nourishing.

7.     The truth wins every time. Whether you’re writing, speaking in public, acting, or simply talking with someone one on one, the truth is the most intoxicatingly compelling material you have. No matter how genius your shtick is or how brilliant your comic timing, the truth will always be more captivating than anything pre-planned or packaged. Two weeks ago I spoke in front of 3,000 people at the USANA International Convention about social media and writing a blog and, besides a few bullet points, I didn’t plan a thing. Instead, I held the microphone, felt my feet grounded on the stage, and told the truth. I talked about my identity crisis last fall and how I had to start writing a blog in order to carve out a space where I could be me, undefined by Team Northrup or being my mother’s daughter, and people loved it. I got an overwhelmingly positive response from people in the audience. They were inspired and moved to take action and tell the truth in their own ways. And it felt great to know that rather than a well-polished speech, I had delivered content that was fresh, vibrant, and real that was emotionally moving and motivating. (Plus I got asked for my autograph for the first time, which was really trippy and totally fun – see picture to the left…that’s me in the white dress.)

The truth captivates us. We can’t take our eyes away from it. My friend Josh Pais, founder and teacher of Committed Impulse, points out that kids and animals will always upstage actors because they can’t help but tell the truth and we can’t help but be fascinated by it. Next time you’re speaking or writing, channel that dog or child, strip away the layers, and let the truth win.

I’m sure there are more than seven truths about the truth, but these are mine for now. Perhaps one day I will develop this into some sort of truth manifesto or something. But for now I’m still practicing with the truth . . . telling a little bit more each and every day. Learning how to do it with grace, love, and wisdom. Learning how to tell it in a way that changes lives . . . mine most of all.

How did you learn to tell the truth?

What are some truths about truth that you’ve discovered?

Do you have a story about telling the truth you’d be willing to share?

What’s true for you right in this very moment?

Glimpse TV with Dr. Lissa Rankin: Be all of yourself all the time. from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

Dr. Lissa Rankin is a lot of things. She’s a mom, an artist, a community builder, a teacher, a coach, a writer (her first two books BOTH come out this year: one is on encaustic art and the other one is on gynecology), a wife, an OB/GYN, and I’m sure many other fantastic things that I’ll learn about as our budding friendship unfolds. I was introduced to Lissa through my friend Danielle Vieth (namer of my TV show, one of my business partners, and my dear friend) who met her through Twitter. She launched her blog, Owning Pink, in April of 2009 and it has since grown into an international community 40,000+ strong in just over a year. Her new book, What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Were Your Best Friend (with a forward written by my mama) will be available in September. I am blessed to have had the chance to catch Lissa on one of her recent trips to New York City to chat about authenticity, letting it all hang out, mom haircuts, and Lissa’s alter-ego, Veronica Rochester. Tune in for our conversation.

Subscribe to Glimpse TV.

I have a major girl crush on Danielle LaPorte. Many of you may already know this. Danielle is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place online for kick-ass spirituality.” She’s an inspirational speaker and business strategist, and she totally rocks my world. I met Danielle at her Fire Starter Session in New York City in September. Spending the day with her, furiously jotting down her burning questions and steely insights, catalyzed what has become quite an unraveling, reworking, and reinvention for me over the past ten months. It is largely thanks to Danielle that this site exists. My private Fire Starter Session with her in January was incredibly rich with content, practical advice, and sunshine blown up my skirt (Danielle’s words), which was just what I needed at the time. She is badass meets high priestess, business guru meets channel. She is all that and more, and I’m over-the-moon-and-stars ecstatic and grateful to share this interview I did with her last month with you, dear readers.

If you’re jonesing for a piece of Danielle’s brilliance immediately after sampling this appetizer of an interview, check out her Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs. It will rock your stockings off and get your business creativity mojo going in a huge, spiritually grounded, and totally rock star kind of way.

Note: This interview was originally conducted and recorded over the phone, and then transcribed into written form. Since Danielle is the queen of authenticity, and this site is, after all, called AuthentiKate, I’ve chosen to preserve the colloquial speech patterns from the interview even though it’s now in written form. This way, you can pretend you are listening to the two of us fabulous femmepreneurs as you read! Enjoy.

What are you most afraid of that you’re doing anyway?
Well, when I get asked the question, “So what’s the one thing you’re afraid of in your life?” I used to say, “Well, not much.” But the one thing is, I’m afraid of not living up to my potential. So, I’m living up to my potential, no matter what.

Now we’re going to do some free association. When I say a word, you just say the first thing that comes to your mind.
Normal:
Banal.
Courage:
Essential.
Money:
I shouldn’t apologize for this but . . . happiness. Okay. Happiness.
Safe:
Scared. Safety . . . safety makes me scared.
Truth:
Courage.

What is one thing that you’re compelled to tell people over and over again . . . either the same people, or different ones?
You know. You know the answer. You know, people say, “Well, I’m torn.” Well look—no, you’re not torn. You know, it’s just what you know is difficult. And I totally understand being torn. There are some things I’m torn about right now, too. But—but you know the answer. You know what you want. And it may change. It may change day to day. But right now you know what you want. You know what’s right for you.

What do you love about your life, and why?
You know what I love about my life, in addition to my kid, who makes everything just sweet and hilarious? What I love about my life is my freedom! I can do what I want. I can do what I want. You know, I launched my book, and I took the week off pretty much, which is totally counter-intuitive. I should be cranking. But I love that. You know I just—because I just moved houses, I’m, you know, I’m a bit beat. So I slept until ten o’clock today. And then I got up and put my mascara on. And I’ll probably work until like two in the morning. And I will be—I will be so blissed out at two in the morning with, like, my tribal music playing, and a candle going and rocking the social web. And who knows what tomorrow will bring? I may work all day. I may go get a pedicure. I’m free.

What activity can you recommend to anyone that takes less than five minutes and will help them thrive?
Oh, well this is immediate. I can give you something that’s faster than the speed of light. You can think happy thoughts.

I find that, often, people (meaning myself) are unaccustomed to telling the truth. And my question is, what do you suggest for those of us who’ve been raised to be afraid of the truth, if we want to start to peel back the layers and start telling it like it is?
Hang out with people who do tell the truth. Learn from example. Get interviewed. Start telling the truth to yourself.
Here’s a formula: Start telling the truth to yourself in as many ways as possible. And then start telling the truth to a few more people. Extend. I see it as concentric circles. So, you can tell yourself the truth when you look in the mirror. You can tell yourself the truth when you’re journaling. You can tell yourself the truth when you’re getting dressed, when you’re dancing, when you’re getting yourself off, when you’re going shopping. There’s lots of ways to tell yourself the truth. You can tell yourself the truth by drawing it out. Yeah, it’s about expression. And then tell one good friend, and then tell two good friends. And then start telling the people you work with, and then start telling strangers.
And it doesn’t mean telling people your deep, dark secrets, because I believe in privacy and I believe in healthy boundaries and all that. But telling the truth could be expressing to the guy in the cubicle next to you that you want to write a masterpiece novel, or that you hate [your] job or that you want to have cocktails with him. I think there is huge power in telling people about what your dreams are—[your] aspirations, your ambitions. I think it empowers them. It empowers. It’s the ambitions, the dreams themselves. It empowers you and empowers the person that you’re sharing the dream with.

And were you always somebody who told the truth, or is that something that happened later?
I think I always had the muscles for the truth. I think I’ve always been, um, outspoken. It’s been helpful to just be kind of mouthy all along. But you can be mouthy and not be telling the truth, right? In my twenties, my motto was: Fake it ‘til you make it. And then my last company crashed and burned because there was an element of faking it going on. You know, it was very deep. It wasn’t even conscious. It was unconscious inauthenticity.

What’s on your desk right now?
I have a beautiful pot of orchids with—I think I counted twelve blooms on it—that was a gift to me from Hiro Boga. She’s way cool. She’s a business intuitive. And she sent me these when I did my preorder launch, and these flowers talk to me. And they tell me, “Go team, go!” Yeah. The girl infused them with some weird magic mojo. And I have a little carnelian stone which is about creativity. And then I have some piece of glass which my kid thinks is a magic quartz crystal and I’m just going with it, like: “That is the most powerful crystal I ever saw!” And I have rechargeable batteries because I am eco-friendly. And a measuring tape to hang my new photos. And anything else fun? Some kids’ pictures from my kid because he’s a great post-modernist artist. And I have a little magnetic clip full of fortunes, from fortune cookies.

What do you wear when you write?
Uggs. I wear chocolate brown. The low—not the low, low ones—the medium-calf Uggs. Because I am more brilliant when my feet are warm. And I have to be comfortable when I write. Like I can come home from a gig looking totally hot, and forget it! I’ve got to got to put on some leggings and my Uggs or some baggy jeans. But it’s really about the Uggs. And amber oil. I’m always wearing it. I never leave the house without essential oil. I get some crazy amber oil from this woman in Albuquerque who gets it for me from this guy in Bali.

Do you ever just do nothing? And if so, what does that look like?
I’m really bad at doing nothing. Even my nothing has some kind of seeking to it. So, nothing for me would be reading. That’s not doing nothing, that’s for sure. Even meditating looks like nothing but it’s really something. Who wants to do nothing? I don’t want to do nothing. That’s why I think Julia Cameron’s “Artist Dates” work because it’s a “do-nothing” in disguise.

What books are on your nightstand right now?
Well I just dusted off Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. It’s really time to read that again. I just got Laura Day’s How to Rule the World From Your Couch. I’m excited about that. I’m into changing your past like she talks about. I’m into Rework by the 37Signals guys, Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson. It’s really good. And I just got Confessions of a Public Speaker by Scott Berkun.

And the final question is: What, who, or how do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be me with abandon. And compassion.

Thank you.

More on the Fire Starter Sessions:

How’s your cash flow and your mojo?
Does your vision match your reality?
Does your brand match your soul?

THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS is: an e-book meets video transmission of acumen and love. You: are likely sitting on an empire of content, product, services, and prosperity that needs a spark—or blow torch—to take you to the next level. You: want to rock your revenue streams and do meaningful things in the world.
Worksheets that help you draw conclusions, quick videos with motivational punch, connections to current thinkers, practical smarts, and frank wisdom—THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS is packed with inspiration that you will put to use.
Danielle has worked with 462+ entrepreneurs in her 1-on-1 Fire Starter consults (which are $500 and booked six weeks in advance and SO FREAKIN’ worth every penny and more – I’ve had a one on one for my personal brand and for Team Northrup and have gotten oodles upon oodles of value for both.) For CEOs, coaches, artists, retailers, bestselling authors—from site design to big dreams—Danielle’s strategies combine passion with pragmatism to get to fulfillment and cash.

Each chapter is its own “Fire Starter Session” that includes: e-book components, video inspiration or interviews, and worksheets.

Some of the sessions are: True Strengths & The Metrics of Ease; Branding: Clarifying the Diamond of You; Products & Services: Making Stuff That Feels Good to Make; Money: More is More, Enough is Plenty; Web Design & SEO: Your Virtual Real Estate . . . and dozens of tips and motivating perspectives.
In addition to getting Danielle’s deep and detailed knowledge, THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS brings you contributions from some A-league marketing strategists, pro-bloggers, branding experts, and creativity coaches.
Whether you’re in the early idea phase or a well-established rut, Danielle’s thorough, witty, and experience-based advice will most certainly light a fire under your . . . aspirations.

The fine print: I’m super proud to be an affiliate with Danielle.