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Without Apology

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I have watched my friend Elizabeth DiAlto transform since I met her in 2012.

She’s gone from fast-talking, fast-paced New York hustler to embracing her untamed, feminine soul. She went from teaching women to get tighter to inspiring them to embrace their bodies and whole selves. She’s still got her fiery Staten Island roots, but they’ve been planted in the fertile soil of her wild, wonderful, out of the box essence.

I’ve witnessed her peel back the layers of who she thought she should be to reveal the magnificence of who she really is, no matter what anyone else might think. She inspires me to do the same on a regular basis.

She founded Wild Soul Movement and has been a stand for women being more of who they are, unabashedly, through her work. She’s got an amazing business, a beautiful relationship, and a gorgeous life.

This week Liz is sharing some of her best resources and stories of how to start living without apology, one of the things I admire most about her.

Liz is sexy, delicious, hilarious, and a true embodiment of freedom. She’s got some amazing goods for you – enjoy!

When I asked Kate what felt like the juiciest topic I could bring to her blog while she snuggles up with her family and takes some time off, she said, “I’d love to hear about being unabashedly ourselves, and loving our bodies. Living without apology.”

I immediately remembered something Amy Poehler said, “It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.”

Though the details of the stories behind how we learned to be sorry for being women might be different, the actual things we learned to be sorry for are all the same.

Our voices.

Our bodies.

Our power.

As I sat in front of the blank screen deciding what to share, I realized I was having a hard time because those three topics are vast, deep and call for so much more than a single blog post to do them justice. They’re also intertwined in EVERYTHING I write, talk, and teach about. So, in the name of being unabashedly myself, I’m following my gut on this one.

Instead of writing a new post, I’ve put together my very best resources to support you in unabashedly being yourself, loving your body and living without apology.  {TWEET IT}

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There are five podcast episodes, ten blog posts, and two YouTube videos with practices that have helped me and tons of women in my community enormously over the last two years – Breast Massage and Forgiveness.

Before I share the goods though, a quick story on the benefits of no longer apologizing for being yourself sprinkled with a some “always love and trust your body” dust.

It was April 2014 and I’d been seeing my current partner for about six months. It wasn’t serious but it wasn’t not serious. At the time he was traveling full time, so I would see him for a few days or a few weeks at a time then not for days or weeks. For that reason neither one of us felt super compelled to commit, but we did have some agreements around intimacy with other people, which at that time did not take kissing or sexual touch with other people off the table.

So he calls me one day and tells me about the night before. He’d gone out with a few new friends and at the end of the night, everyone else had left other than him and one woman. They ended up having a pretty intimate time dancing, but that was it, nothing sexual. When he told me this in my mind I thought, “There’s nothing wrong with that, he didn’t break any of our agreements.” And I even said that to him on the phone. But when I hung up, let the information sink into my body and felt about it instead of thinking about it, it was not OK with me.

This was a pivotal moment where I had a choice. I could choose the way I used to do things which was internalize my feelings and deal with them on my own so as not to come off as crazy, emotional or high maintenance. That kind of withholding isn’t even an apology for being who you are, it’s a flat out denial of what’s true. But instead I chose to speak up.

The next morning I called him and shared exactly how I felt in my body. And how it conflicted with what my head was saying, but my practice was to always trust my body and not logic my way out of things anymore. I then shared that I wasn’t interested in asking him to deny himself of his wants or desires, but if he really felt the need to continue having intimate interactions with women like this, I was no longer interested in having a relationship with him.

After a long pause he said, “Ok, I’m in.” And then another long pause…”I think you just tricked me into being in a monogamous relationship.” To which I replied, “Great. Stick around as long as it feels good and feel free to peace out when it doesn’t.” That conversation happened a year and half ago and we just celebrated our one year anniversary of living together in San Diego.

Had I apologized for my feelings or my body’s wisdom or denied her strong urgings, who knows if we’d even be together. So now that you’ve got an idea of why it’s worth it to break old habits and patterns to form new ones and take responsibility for the experiences and relationships you want to have in your life, enjoy the resources below, filled with more stories, a ton of guidance, practices and loving encouragement for doing these things your own way, too.

OVER TO YOU:

If you have any questions or just want to share your experience with me, leave a comment at the end of the post. I’ll come back to Kate’s blog to check in and see how all of this lands for you.

Enjoy!

Podcast Episodes:

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself

Own Your Singular Truth with Meggan Watterson

Evolved Relationships and Loving Your Body Even When Your Partner Might Not

My Business and Money Story

How to Be a Free Range Adult with Ali Shanti


Blogs
:

Getting Naked and Falling in Love

Self-Acceptance before Self Improvement, Please

For the Love of Boundaries

Own Your Messiness and Always Tell the Truth

The Fullness of Your Love

Ecstasy Rising

Feelings, Fears and First World Problems

Why Getting Pissed Off at the Fitness Industry Is the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me (Part I)

How I Started Listening to My Body

Why Finish What You Start Is Terrible Advice


Videos:

Breast Massage

This practice is phenomenal for connecting to your body, honoring yourself as a woman and opening your heart.

Forgiveness
Use this practice to move past the emotional blocks, painful memories and resentment that’s between you and what you want in life.
Elizabeth DiAlto
Creator of Wild Soul Movement + #IAMSACRED
wildsoulmovement.com

The first official Wild Soul Movement Retreat is happening Nov 11-16, 2015 in Costa Rica!
Details here.

  • Dearest Liz!
    Thank you for sharing your moment of self-acceptance and acknowledgement
    I had a similar experience many years ago: The man I’d been dating exclusively for several years had a one-nighter at his home, a place I, of course, frequented. I learned of it from a friend who knew the woman, her supervisor, who was bragging about her conquest, it seemed.

    Part of me felt so deeply wounded that I wanted simply to rage, scream, cry. I sat with that for a while. And then, I was visited by the profound realization that it had nothing. to do. with me.

    An amazing, life-altering recognition.

    And it was THIS recognition that fueled my ability to confront him with the facts and with my feelings. It also was a catalyst for me to see him as he really was, and not as I imagined/desired him to be.

    I’ve not been the same since (And this was 30 years ago). I still occasionally slip back into the pattern of internalizing and making everything around me about me, but I am now armed with the compounded knowledge and experience that, indeed,
    it has nothing to do with me.

    It’s incredibly liberating.

    All the best to you

    Paula

    • Elizabeth DiAlto says:

      Thanks for your open share, Paula. Unbelievable the ripple effects we create for our entire lives when we speak up for what feels right!

  • Stephania says:

    Dear Liz & Kate

    Your post had me nodding in agreement and a moment afterwards, shedding tears. My breath catches even still.

    Thank you for articulating the “sorry syndrome”.

    Looking forward to diving deeper, as it were, starting with your resources offered here. Thank you both!

    Stephania
    Peace and Love

    PS What was on my desktop “to watch again today”? TED talk “The art of being yourself”, of course! :D (Caroline McHugh, TEDxMiltonKeynesWomen) xS

    • Elizabeth DiAlto says:

      Ooh, I’ve never heard of that TED talk, must check it out. So glad the post stirred up some important stuff for you :)

  • Amberlina says:

    Kate, thank you for sharing all of these beautiful women with us. Liz, thank you for sharing your story and for sharing these resources! I can’t wait to dive in. I’ve been learning to “relax into my femininity” for the past year or so, and it is such an amazing experience. You carry the energy of the high priestess, and you are going to help SO many women reconnect to their true essence and divine feminine power – even more than you’ve already done. LOTS of love and bright blessings to you on your journey ahead. <3

    • Elizabeth DiAlto says:

      This got me a little teary, that is an energy I’ve been intentionally working with a lot for a while now, I’m also a Virgo which is the High Priestess :) Lots of love back to you!

  • Sarah says:

    Thanks for this info… the breast massage video link does not work.

  • Tracy says:

    Hi Liz,

    I loved this blog post, thanks for sharing.
    I can remember numerous occasions when I didn’t listen to my bodies messages, played small and denied how I truly felt. Far out it was hard work living that way. Learning to love who I am has allowed this pattern to mostly melt away, although I’m having a human experience so obviously it still shows up at times! It’s funny, I feel so much more confident, sexy and powerful (in a feminine way) when I’ve spoken up and shared my vulnerability with my hubby these days.

    I look forward to checking out all the info you’ve shared, thank you for your generosity! x

    • Elizabeth DiAlto says:

      Love that your experience in sharing yourself has made you feel sexy, confident and powerful. Telling the truth and refusing to hide is potent medicine! xo

  • Stephanie says:

    Kate and Liz, Thank you for the wonderful post.

    Heads up on missing info/technical difficulties. I am really excited to check out all the info. Unfortunately, the blog post I received did not have any of the links. I clicked through to open as an email and then again to leave a comment which brought me to here.

    I see all the attachments here however, the links aren’t working….

    You may need to resend the blogpost with all the info included in the body. As an FYI I have gmail and was using my android phone and then switched to my laptop hoping to be able to access all info. It’s just not there.

    Looking forward to the fix so I can dig in and untame myself!

    Stephanie

  • Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

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