Codependency has been surrounding me lately.

(I mean… I guess it always is. But this feels different.)

It’s a pattern I thought I’d graduated from—but here it is again, revealing itself in new ways.

First, I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s beautifully honest new memoir, All the Way to the River. I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate just a little.

The morning after I read that chapter, I attended the most brilliant codependency workshop while I was at Onsite doing their Living Centered Program. (10/10 recommend for rapid repatterning and deep healing.)

Then the Egypt pilgrimage didn’t just push my buttons. It pushed a lot of people’s buttons. People whose energy fields I could have easily hopped into to try to save them from their experiences. But I didn’t. Because it wasn’t my job.

And I’ve got a few people I love very deeply staring family patterns of addiction and codependency square in the eye for the first time.

I’m also reading Robin Wall Kimmerer’s newer book, The Serviceberry. (She also wrote Braiding Sweetgrass, which changed my life.)

The book is about interdependence—an economy of reciprocity that feels like an exhale.

In these times when news of systems failing to care for life is pervasive, I’ve been thinking about something:

What’s the difference between generosity and codependency?

Where’s the line between caring for our people and our planet vs. abandoning ourselves by getting lost in the sauce of the suffering of those around us to our own detriment?

At first reading, the line might feel so obvious.

One is sane. One is not.

But for those of us who developed the skills of reading the room and only behaving in ways that would keep those around us happy, the line can get real blurry real fast.

We’re deep in creation around our biggest live event of the year, Relaxed Money Live.

(Keep your eye on your inbox if you’re a Relaxed Money student to grab your ticket. If you’re not a Relaxed Money student and you feel the pull to join us, reply back to this email 😘.)

The theme landed as I emailed one of my sheroes to invite her to speak (she said yes, BTW, and I cannot wait to both meet her IRL for the first time and also reveal who it is!):

OVERFLOW

Not overflow meaning too much.

Overflow meaning more than enough.

t’s the energetic signature of relaxed wealth—the place where giving becomes a joy, not a drain.

When it comes to generosity (whether it’s financial, energetic, logistical, or spiritual), for me it comes down to this:

Am I replete?

Am I experiencing sufficiency in this area so that what I’m giving is from the overflow?

I see a lot of codependency show up in our community as it relates to the way we relate to money.

Overgiving to friends, family, or even loved ones from a place rooted in:

“They’re not capable of doing this for themselves. They don’t have their own direct access to Source, so let me go ahead and become their Source.”

It’s rooted in:

I can’t feel ok if you’re not ok.

Codependency around money isn’t generosity. It’s rooted in being under-practiced and under-resourced in our ability to sit with our own pain.

(Therefore, distracting ourselves with “helping” other people.)

Generosity, on the other hand?

Generosity is rooted in overflow.

It’s the bubbling up of energy, resources, and even money that comes from making sure we’re truly ok first, then turning our attention outward to joyfully channel our resources so they can flow beyond our personal needs.

It’s when you feel resourced enough that spending an hour listening to and being a sounding board for a friend who’s having a hard time leaves you feeling peaceful and more connected when you hang up the phone.

It’s giving to causes that you love and trust after you’ve met your own financial needs, have a financial cushion in the bank, have paid off your high-interest Invoices for Blessings Already Received, and are investing.

My dear friend and mentor Barbara Huson says the rules of Sacred Wealth are:

“Spend less, save more, invest wisely, and give generously. IN. THAT. ORDER.

Anything else is an act of self-sabotage.”

Some folks revert to scarcity over and over again because they think they’re being generous, but actually, they’re being codependent.

(This can be true with money and with any other resource, tangible and intangible.)

This is why our money work starts in the body—not in the budget.

So, how about you?

Where in your life are you sharing from overflow when it comes to time, energy, and money?

And where are you giving in a way that it leaves you depleted?

This is subtle, and no one else could possibly know from the outside.

But you know.

And being honest about the line between generosity and codependency is a powerful step to a deep well of prosperity that makes overflow inevitable.

Interdependence is not the same as taking care of others at the expense of oneself.

Find sufficiency. Then find overflow and direct it.

That’s how wealth becomes regenerative—first for you, then through you.

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