I got interested in making money early. I was one of those kids who was always plastering the neighborhood with flyers for my various businesses: dog walking, plant weeding, babysitting, etc.

Making money was one thing.

Keeping it was another.

I had this tiny, burgundy, velvet change purse that I was constantly losing. I was so great at publicizing my services, getting the gig, and even performing said services and getting paid.

And then this unconscious pattern of checking out and disconnecting from my money would take over.

It’s taken some care, excavation, and re-patterning over the last several decades to get myself to stay awake when it comes to what happens after the money is made.

My kids are now 5 and a half and 8.

Given the power of compounding interest when we start early and how much money has blown into and then right out of my life as quickly as it came in (especially in my twenties), I’m determined to pass along the skill set of becoming a conscious steward of money, not just a good earner.

There are two things that our adult lives largely center around and we’re not supposed to know about or talk about when we’re growing up.

Most of our parents didn’t teach us about them, or what they did teach us was confusing and incomplete at best, or downright inaccurate or harmful at worst.

These taboo topics?

Sex and money.

Perhaps I’ll share how I’m talking to and teaching my kids about sex another time, but for today, I’m laying out what and how we’re passing along the healthiest information and habits to our kids that we can.

Here are 5 things I want my kids to know about money and how I’m teaching them:

1. Money is a tool to align our lives with our values.

Money is a system humans invented to trade value for value. I want my kids to understand that it’s simply a tool to align our lives with what really matters to us.

So, when they ask me to buy things, here are some of the kinds of things I say:

-When heading to Target: “We’re going to choose one thing today because living with only what we love keeps our home clear of clutter and feeling harmonious.”

-When they’re asking for random plastic crap: “Our family is focused on taking care of the Earth so we’re gonna look for something that’s made of something that’s good for the planet instead of plastic.”

-When they’re flipping through the American Girl catalog: “Let me take a picture of that and add it to your birthday/holiday list.”

-When we’re at the gift shop at the museum: “If that’s something you really want, you can save up your allowance for it and it’ll feel so good to buy it for yourself!”

2. Money is safe and it’s ok to talk about it and ask questions.

When the topic of money comes up with our kids, I pay attention to how regulated I am. If I’m feeling frazzled or anxious when they ask me about money or I bring it up, they’re learning that talking about money makes mommy stressed.

Instead, I track my nervous system regulation, pick a favorite regulation tool when I feel dysregulated, and do my best to choose neutral or positive words to talk about money with my kids.

I encourage them to ask questions and I respond in a way that gives them useful information that’s age appropriate.

Instead of saying things like, “You’re just a kid. You don’t need to worry about that,” I say things like, “That’s such a great question! Here’s how that works.”

3. If you want something badly enough, you can do something about getting it. You don’t have to do it alone, and it can be fun!

A while back, our oldest daughter kept asking for a Barbie Dream House. I didn’t want to get her one because: a) they’re huge and ugly, b) I felt conflicted about the message I felt like the toy conveys c) it’s a lot of plastic.

I decided to look up “wooden Barbie Dream House” on Etsy and bought one for her that came 2 months after Christmas (oops!) and required a ton of assembly of tiny parts (sorry Mike 🤦🏼‍♀️.)

She and her sister were into it for a while but about a year later she came to me and asked for a Barbie Dream House again.

So, I decided to make it an opportunity to teach her about how to get something you want (other than to ask your parents for it.)

We told her she could buy the Barbie Dream House by making money selling toys she didn’t want anymore, plus some crafts she had made.

We set a date to have a sale in the park, she partnered with a little friend of hers, one of her aunties helped them make signage, and we got out there to learn about sales, marketing, and merchandising.

We made it a fun family/community project.

The lessons that day were too many for this email (perhaps a chapter in a future book) but at the end of the day, she’d sold her wooden Barbie Dream House and a bunch of other stuff. She didn’t make enough money to cover the cost of the whole Barbie Dream House, but her birthday was around the corner, so we got it for her then.

She’d been asking for it for over 2 years at that point and it was clear she really wanted it. (2 years later the Barbie Dream House is still going strong and getting played with at least every other week, which is a total win!)

4. Money likes being taken care of in a loving way. When you take care of your money, it will take care of you. Taking care of your money is part of taking care of yourself.

We’re just now starting to give our girls an allowance. Each one gets $1 for every year of her age.

We got these little money jars from Etsy for them. Each has her own set with her name on it.

Each week, we give them their allowance in singles and they get to distribute it between the jars for Save, Spend, and Give as they desire, except they have to put at least a dollar in each jar.

Their allowance is not connected to chores. I did a bunch of reading about this and decided that I didn’t want them to associate getting paid with being a contributing member in the upkeep of a home. (I don’t get paid to do the dishes or make my bed. Neither should they.)

Because kids are literal, having a visual of the money they have will help them build a relationship with it in a way that keeping it in a bank account won’t at their ages. That’s why we’re using jars and cash.

When they decide on something they want to save up for, we’ll print out a picture for it and tape it to the Save jar so that they can feel connected to building the anticipation for that thing. (For younger kids, saving for something for a few weeks rather than over months feels like an age appropriate way to teach delayed gratification.)

For the spend jar, they can spend it on whatever they want as long as it’s not candy or slime. (Everyone gets to set their own rules on this. These are ours right now.)

For the give jar, they get to choose what they want to donate it to.

5. Money doesn’t have anything to do with your inherent worth or loveability.

When I was growing up, I got some sideways lessons around money, worth, and love. My parents didn’t mean to pass along any of these and I don’t blame them.

However, I want my kids to know that they’re completely loveable and valuable and they don’t have to do a thing to earn it or prove it.

This is part of why I don’t want to pay them for things like chores or good grades.

It’s absolutely true that we earn money in exchange for providing products or services that are deemed valuable by the marketplace, but so much of our economic systems are based on values that don’t align with me and my family.

I want my girls’ core wiring to be that they were born worthy and loveable and that these things have nothing to do with money or anything they could possibly do or not do to earn or lose their worthiness, deservingness, or loveability.

I’m conscious of how we celebrate their accomplishments and do my best to focus on whether or not they enjoyed the experience and whether or not they devoted themselves to the process rather than the outcome itself.

To be clear, I’m sure I’m not doing any of this perfectly, but I figure as long as I’m doing my best, they’re gonna receive the intention of love and abundance that my actions are infused with.

Now, it’s your turn.

Take a minute and jot down a few notes about what you want your kids to know about money.

Now, think about how you could pass those lessons along.

Remember, the most important thing for teaching our kids about money (or anything) is how we feel and behave around that thing in our own lives.

Cleaning up our own relationship with money is the best, most guaranteed way to ensure our kids will have a healthy relationship with money.

Start with you and money and when you find healing there, your kids will inherit it automatically.

To your legacy,
Kate