One recent magical evening in New York I had the pleasure of circling up at Sarabeth’s with eight beautiful women. We were celebrating my friend Danielle’s birthday in pure goddess fashion. As we went around the table, each stating a desire for Danielle (kind of like a birthday wish but with a bit more turgor), it occurred to me that we were swimming in a pool of tremendous wisdom. You see, Danielle and I both have a desire to get married and have kids in the not so distant future. And there we were, surrounded by six women who have been married, divorced, and re-married, who have loved, lost, and loved again, who have mothered and been mothered, who have lusted and have been adored, and who are all currently happily matched with amazing men. I asked each woman to share a gem about love with us with the intention of adding to our already well-stocked arsenal of relationship wisdom gleaned from myriad books, classes, workshops, and inquiries. It was one of my birthday gifts to Danielle, but it was equally a gift for myself. Our panel of experts was tremendous:
Here is what these brilliant broads had to say on love, romance and partnership:
Melanie Ericksen: Get in touch with what you want in your heart and ask for it in a way that allows your guy to serve you. This includes boundaries. Set boundaries as a way of empowering yourself. We all love in different ways.
Dr. Lissa Rankin: It doesn’t have to look any certain way as long as both people’s needs are met.
Caroline Muir: Make loving a daily practice. Create acts of conscious, loving kindness every day such as getting off the computer and dressing up to greet your man when he comes home. Tell him how much you adore him. Feed your love every day.
Maddy Vertenten: Be with someone who requires your voice. Be with someone who can hold the vision of your life together through the dark times and who you can celebrate all the moments of your life with.
Dr. Deborah Kern: Find a man who is strong enough, powerful enough, and man enough that you can soften in his arms. Give that part of yourself to him and allow him to have that. The magic only happens when you surrender.
Dr. Karen Wolfe: Be in your full joy. Stay present in the moment. The barometer for a relationship is if you feel like, “he makes me a better person.” Partnership, love, and relationship are all a choice. Always tell the truth. The man has to love you to pieces. (Her mother always told her its better if the man loves you a little bit more than you love him.)
Thank you beloved women for infusing us with your truth and jeweled wisdom. Danielle and I will pack it carefully and hold it tight in our evening bags as we date and eventually find, and choose, love.
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