The slow, messy, effective path to freedom.


When I’m feeding my baby Penelope, sometimes she likes to grab the spoon and feed herself.  Anyone who’s ever witnessed a baby feed herself knows that more food ends up on her face, in her hair, and on the floor than in her mouth.

It’s way more tidy and efficient when I just spoon food into her mouth and collect the bits that get on her face with my spoon in between bites. After the meal all she needs is a quick wipe with a wet cloth, and she’s all clean again.

After she feeds herself, though, I pretty much have to hose her down. It’s not efficient at all. In fact, it’s a production.

So a lot of days I dodge her chubby little, dimpled hands with my spoon and get the food straight from the bowl into her mouth. I just don’t want to deal with the mess.

The thing is, though, if I never give her the spoon to feed herself, how’s she going to eventually figure out how to get the 90% of sweet potatoes that currently end up on her cheeks, chin, forehead, ears, and head into her mouth instead, where they belong?

She’s not.

And I’ll have to feed her forever.

So even though it takes longer and it’s way messier, I’m going to start giving her the spoon more often (not every time because mama doesn’t have time for 3+ baths a day).

I’m also handing the proverbial spoon off to the emerging leaders in our network marketing business more. I’m giving them the chance to do things I’ve always just done myself because I already know how and I don’t feel like taking the time to train someone else.

Are my presentations tighter, more polished, and more efficient? Yes. (Well, actually, sometimes theirs are better!)

But if I never hand someone else the microphone, they’ll never learn to present. And I’ll have to do it forever. They’ll never feel empowered, and I’ll never feel free.

If I keep holding Penelope back from feeding herself and our team back from stepping into leadership, I’m communicating two things:

1. There’s something wrong with the messy slowness of learning to do something for the first time.

2. I don’t trust you.

Given that neither of those things is true in the least, I better get my grip off that spoon and that microphone, quick.

I want P to know that I love her and that she’s okay no matter how much sweet potato she has on her face and how little made it into her mouth.

I want our team to know that you don’t have to be perfect to become successful. You simply have to be willing to take action and improve little by little over time.

Letting go of control so that other people can learn is way messier and way slower than doing those things yourself. But it’s way more effective than being the one who has to do everything in the long run.

Letting someone else take the reins communicates that you trust them and you believe in them. {Tweet it.}

Letting Someone Else Take The Reins - Tweet

Hand something over to someone else. Relax if doesn’t get done perfectly. And enjoy the freedom that comes when they eventually nail it and you’re free to do something else.



Do you find it hard to let other people do things because you think you’ll do it better? What’s one area of your life where you could hand the control over to someone else to give you more freedom? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!


P.S. Did you miss my chat yesterday The Truth About Your Belly Fat & Bank Account – A Conversation with Kate Northrup & Sarah Jenks? You can still get a copy of the recording by clicking here!


Spreecast_email + blog

What The Trees Have To Tell Us About Desire & Letting Go


  There are some people whose mere presence makes you feel more nourished and whole. My friend Laura Thompson Brady is one of those people. She oozes compassion, nurturing, and wisdom. With the holiday season quickly approaching, some of us may be starting to feel our shoulders creep up towards our ears and our breath…

Continue Reading

Are You Waiting for Life to “Prove It” to You?


While I’m on maternity leave I’ve asked some of my favorite, most trusted women to take care of my blog for me.  From Sept 9th – Nov 11th you’ll be receiving their weekly wisdom here on my site.  This week’s installment is from my friend Nisha Moodley who is a coach and retreat leader who…

Continue Reading

Let them do their thing and you do yours.

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 7.36.53 AM

I’ve recently become obsessed with Buti Yoga. I literally cannot get enough. (If you haven’t tried it yet, get ready to sweat your buns off and tap into your womanpower all at the same time. If you’ve never done hip circles while holding Warrior II, you don’t know what you’re missing.) There’s one teacher whose…

Continue Reading

How are your petunias? On growing and dying.

This summer I’ve been home for two months straight for the first time possibly since my teens. As a result my “flower babies,” as I call them, have received a lot more attention. Deadheading Part of my morning ritual is deadheading my petunias. It sounds like something out of a horror movie but is actually…

Continue Reading

4 simple ways to spend less and enjoy more this holiday season.

Nothing Succeeds Like Excess The end of the year can be a time when our financial plans go out the window. We end up spending like a drunken sailor, only to wake up in the new year feeling hungover when we look at our credit card balance. I used to experience this every year. I…

Continue Reading

Guided Meditation for Money & Forgiveness

We’ve all made mistakes when it comes to money. We’ve overspent, lent the wrong person some cash, chosen a vendor who over-promised and under-delivered, paid our taxes late, lost some money in a relationship gone wrong or [insert your money mistake here.] But it’s not making financial mistakes that’s the problem. It’s holding ourselves hostage…

Continue Reading

The Value of the Vacuum

It turns out that most of our life circumstances are a choice. We can bitch and moan all we like, but when we’re really honest we’ve made a decision, conscious or unconscious: to stay at that job that sucks our soul to stay with that person who doesn’t bring out our best to stay on…

Continue Reading

How to know when it’s time to quit.

I remember when I was growing up, the other kids would tell me that they hated going to basketball or lacrosse practice, but their parents had taught them not to be quitters so they just toughed it out. I was always totally mystified by this. I had tried and quit just about every sport available…

Continue Reading

A plea to women who do too much.

My first boyfriend wrote me a poem for my sixteenth birthday that, paraphrased, went something like: Child of Atlas, release the world from your shoulders. It will remain in place, remain in its eternal spin, without you holding it up. My tendency to feel responsible for every being on the planet was so apparent early…

Continue Reading