The Art of Exposing Oneself

Last week I launched my Mentoring Program. I’ve been sitting on this idea for six months. For whatever reason (fear, time, other projects, lack of clarity, karma) I just couldn’t get myself to launch it. Until last week.

I’ve been playing with you and creating in this online space for almost two years. Yet, I realized I had never directly invited this amazing community to work with me in any tangible way. So, I decided it was about time to finally sell something of mine here. People had been asking. It was time to deliver.

But throughout the entire process (and ongoing, as it’s not over yet) I felt like I was exposing myself. In a good way, of course, not like a creepy guy on the corner flashing people in a trench coat. Exposing myself in that way that makes you feel exhilarated and afraid one second to the next. It turns out that it’s scary to put yourself out there and say, “Hey! Here’s some truth and wisdom that I have to offer. Here’s an opportunity to hang with me more. Here’s a way we can work together. Here’s what I’ll give you. Here’s what it will take on your end.” The whole process churned my insides, showed me some ways I could love and trust more, and also thrilled me.

It took some notes on stickies throughout the launch because I had a feeling I’d want to share what I learned with you. So here’s some food for thought the next time you expose yourself whether in the form of published words, an online launch, a performance, a heart-felt truth-filled heart-to-heart, or in your journal by yourself in the wee hours of the night.

It doesn’t matter how, when, or where you expose yourself, or to whom. But it does matter that you do it from time to time or more often. Because the world desires what you’ve got. It requires all of you and that requires exposure.

  • Don’t wait until you’re ready. You’ll never be ready. You might as well tell them who you are now. No use waiting as the right time will never come. Much like having children, there’s no convenient time to show yourself.
  • Give yourself a deadline by announcing that something will be delivered to someone on a certain date at a certain time. I sent a note out to those who’d opted in to hear about the Mentoring Program to let them know they’d get details on Tuesday morning at 10am EST. Then I got my butt in gear to get those details ready to deliver. By not letting them down I didn’t let myself down.
  • Create the circumstances for you to shine. My coach, the divine Chela Davison, helped me realize that the optimal conditions for me to create great work include not having very much time to produce it. I have a boat load of examples from my life where I’ve produced my best work in an hour or two right before it was due. No more getting out the flail and beating yourself up for your creative style. Own your creative process and celebrate it. If you need three days of cleaning your sock drawer, surfing Facebook, reading magazines, and staring into space in order to sit at your computer and channel brilliance for 45 minutes, set yourself up for success and make it happen.
  • Once you press send or ship your art, let go. Turn off your phone and computer. Go to the beach and say a prayer to the ocean. Kiss your man. Take a nap. Give yourself the space and time to celebrate creation without having the results yet. Know that the act of creation and exposing your art has value in and of itself. Reviews, opt-ins, purchases, applications, tweets, and emails will come in eventually. But let yourself marinate in the work itself, uninfluenced by results.
  • When you encounter the inevitable tech glitch, botched design, screw up at the manufacturing facility, or PR mishap, first take a deep breath. Get a snack. Drink a glass of water. You’ll make far better choices when well oxygenated, hydrated, and fed. After you’ve done those things, then respond. Let people know that you’re aware of the error and that you and your team are working to fix it. Be yourself. Be humble. Don’t over apologize. One sorry is enough and even one may not be necessary. It turns out the world has more space for you to be imperfect than you give them credit for. Take the space set aside for your humanness.
  • Ask for help and then actually take it when it’s given. My man Mike filmed my sales videos, edited them, created my sales and squeeze pages, and even found custom “Apply Now” buttons in my chosen color scheme for my launch. He also listened to me as I talked through what I wanted to do for the entire launch. He offered advice, enthusiasm, and a “can do” attitude. Receiving that level of support and help required an expansion in my capacity to take in love. Sometimes the act of exposing ourselves is not a one-woman show. We often need helpers. And these helpers need to be fully received and appreciated. It’s a simple law of the universe, like what goes up must come down: that which is given must be fully received or else it can’t be fully given.
  • How you do it is what you get. Make the process fun. A book written through angst and turmoil will probably make readers feel kind of crummy even if it’s really amazing work. When something is birthed through fun and pleasure it’s entire passage is lubricated with smiles, sparkles, and ease. Our culture is obsessed with the idea that suffering buys us something, but why not try on the idea that creation that’s easy is just as valuable to the world, if not more so? Plus, given that your life is now and it’s all about the journey, why not enjoy the process since you’re using precious moments of your life to do it anyway? Let your results be a reflection of the creative process. Exposing yourself doesn’t have to be painful. Pretend like you’re a two year old running naked on the beach. Let it be fun. Let it be joyful. Let it be easy.
How have you exposed yourself lately? How did it feel? What did you put out there in the world? Any more tips on the art of exposure? Leave a comment!
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The most important question to ask when embarking on something new.

Tuckered out in Glacier National Park

I have a really big appetite for food, but even more so for life.

A day where I’m scheduled within minutes of my life is my idea of heaven. When I headed out on The Freedom Tour on February 2nd this year, my eyes were wide, the road was open and the sky was big. My tummy was grumbling for some adventure and moderation simply wouldn’t do.

The Metrics of The Freedom Tour

Between February 2nd and June 21st I traveled 19,000 miles by car and another 11,000 miles by plane (plus 300 by boat.)  I visited 21 different states and provinces, slept in over 50 beds, taught 16 workshops, spoke to over 800 people, and attended 5 major conferences (SXSW, Summit Series, Reveal, Selling Your Soul, I Can Do It!, and the World Domination Summit.) I did this all while launching a new business partnership, ending another one, then ending the one I had just started, experimenting with being homeless, and falling in love.

After five months of going at this pace I felt full. The kind of full that makes you want to put on pants with an elastic waist band and talk about how you’re never going to eat again.

I landed in Maine at my childhood home in June feeling exhausted. I thought the summer would birth great creativity and production in the form of pages and pages of brilliant writing. I thought by this time I would have a sample chapter and outline for my first book.

But it turns out that when your eyes are bigger than your schedule, when your MO is to say yes to everything, and when you run your self more than a little ragged, what you need is sleep. And watching movies. And eating lunches that take three hours to finish And looking out at the ocean. And more sleep.

Promises, Promises, Promises

I sat with my dad over lunch the other day chatting about my blog. He’s one of my most dedicated readers, which simultaneously thrills and terrifies me. He told me that I need to be careful about what I promise to my readers because they (he) get disappointed when I don’t follow through on my promises.

Here are a few things I’ve promised over the past couple of months that I haven’t followed through on:

  • Shooting daily videos (what was I thinking when I announced I was going to start doing that?!)
  • A post of my pictures from the stunning drive up the Pacific Coast Highway from Laguna Beach, CA to Vancouver, BC (which was supposed to be for my dad)
  • This post on “the most important question to ask yourself before embarking on any project” that I promised several weeks ago in this video (This one only half counts as not following through because I’m finally writing it. It’s just late.)
  • Submitting a sample chapter and an outline of the book I’m currently gestating by the beginning of July (This one is still in process, just taking longer than I thought.)

I also have over 700 unread/unanswered emails in my inbox, some unreturned voicemails, and a few missed opportunities as a result.

Granted, I think my dad takes my promises on my blog more to heart than some of my other readers, but he brings up a really important point.

What are you promising that you’re not delivering on?

Our conversation made me pause. It made me feel sheepish. And it made me realize the single most important question to ask before embarking on any new project:

Is this sustainable?

When you’re birthing anything new there will be a period of time when you sometimes don’t shower until 6pm (if at all) and you eat takeout and don’t respond to emails. I get that AND I’m not making myself wrong for the way I’ve done The Freedom Tour up until this point.

In fact, one of my new favorite mantras is: “I am enough and I’m doing it right.”

Let that baby sink into your cells for a moment.

However, the way I started this whole adventure was completely unsustainable. I said yes to more than I could follow through on. I promised things I didn’t end up doing. I found myself way overextended. I got sick. I disappointed a few people (and thrilled some others.)

I’ve spent the past 6 weeks in Maine adoring life, adoring being in the house I was brought home to the day I was born, adoring being grounded, adoring not moving, and adoring a break.

It’s been goooooooood. It’s been beyond necessary.

The Freedom Tour 2.0

My man and I are packing up the Prius on Friday morning and heading out on the road again. We head West and will be in Scottsdale, AZ for September and October by way of Columbus, OH and Salt Lake City, UT.

The Freedom Tour continues but it is now The Freedom Tour 2.0. I now have a filtering question to ask myself when presented with any new opportunity so that I’m no longer giving a knee-jerk “yes!” I’m building in vacations. I’m being strategic about my workshops and speaking gigs. I’m standing for eight hours of sleep, no more than six hours a day in the car, meditation, and greens.

Whatever you’re cooking up right now, ask yourself: Is this sustainable?

If your answer is “no” but you’ve got an end point in mind, rock on. If there’s no end point, get one on the calendar. You can only go at full capacity for so long.

Creativity and production of great work is not a steady stream. It comes in fits and starts. Sometimes its fueled by an all-nighter. Sometimes it’s fueled by a double feature. Let your art flow the way it wants to flow. Just be sure to factor your promises, your health, your sanity, and your soul into the equation.

___________________________________________________

The Freedom Tour is hitting the road again!

Come see me on Sunday, August 14th!

Women & Wealth: The Truth About Money That No One Has Ever Told You

6:00 – 7:30pm

The Reiki Center, 1540 W. 5th Avenue
Columbus, Ohio 43212

This event is free, but we have limited space. Please email rsvp@teamorthrup.com to reserve your seat.

 

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Glimpse TV gets naked for it's birthday: Bindu Wiles Anniversary Episode

One year ago today I had the pleasure of interviewing Bindu Wiles for the very first episode of Glimpse TV. We had a giggly, sparkly time up on my roof in NYC with the gorgeous Dyana Valentine as our camera woman. (Watch Dyana’s Glimpse TV episode here and my second episode with Bindu here.)

Exactly one year later a lot has happened for both Bindu and me. Neither of us are living in NYC anymore. Both of us are coming out the closet in different ways. Both of us are reinventing.

I was thrilled to be with Bindu again at the World Domination Summit put on by Chris Guillebeau in Portland, OR a week and a half ago. It was the perfect opportunity to hang out at the Portland Art Museum and get some updates on Bindu’s new look, how she had her basic goodness reflected back to her in group therapy, and some exciting projects that she’s cooking up that you won’t want to miss. (One of them has to do with something I’m completely obsessed with and can’t get enough of.)

Tune in to learn about Bindu’s inner secret thing that she’s now doing in public, to see the most interesting Glimpse TV background setting yet, to find out the subject of my number one stress dream, and to have a giggle with us, because, quite frankly, that’s what we do best.

(I decided to give you the uncut version as I think it’s far more entertaining.)

Enjoy and leave a comment!

More Bindu:

www.binduwiles.com

@binduwiles

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Glimpse TV with Dr. Lissa Rankin: Be all of yourself all the time.

Glimpse TV with Dr. Lissa Rankin: Be all of yourself all the time. from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

Dr. Lissa Rankin is a lot of things. She’s a mom, an artist, a community builder, a teacher, a coach, a writer (her first two books BOTH come out this year: one is on encaustic art and the other one is on gynecology), a wife, an OB/GYN, and I’m sure many other fantastic things that I’ll learn about as our budding friendship unfolds. I was introduced to Lissa through my friend Danielle Vieth (namer of my TV show, one of my business partners, and my dear friend) who met her through Twitter. She launched her blog, Owning Pink, in April of 2009 and it has since grown into an international community 40,000+ strong in just over a year. Her new book, What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Were Your Best Friend (with a forward written by my mama) will be available in September. I am blessed to have had the chance to catch Lissa on one of her recent trips to New York City to chat about authenticity, letting it all hang out, mom haircuts, and Lissa’s alter-ego, Veronica Rochester. Tune in for our conversation.

Subscribe to Glimpse TV.

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