Stefanos Sifandos: Most trauma or intensity that we experience in the body and in the mind results in disempowerment. Most wounds are relational, so they have to be healed in a relational context.

Kate Northrup: Hi. Today’s episode is really fun and special, and it is something I have never done before, and that is interviewing the husband of one of my dearest friends. So today, we have Stefanos Sifandos talking about relationships, talking about polarity, talking about the way our relationships can actually be portals to greater spiritual awakening. And we unpack Steph’s marriage with my dear friend Christine Hassler. We talk about parenting and how jarring it is, especially when you were someone who really felt like you had it together.

We talk about the way wounding shows up in relationships and so much more. Stefanos is an expert and a guide on polarity and sensuality and sexuality and all forms of romantic relationship, and I think you are going to love this one.

Kate Northrup: Welcome to Plenty, a weekly recalibration of power, money, and safety for high capacity humans. I’m Kate Northrup, best selling author and creator of Relaxed Money, and this is where neuroscience meets ancient wisdom meets real wealth strategy. This is the sacred conversation at the intersection of money, the body, and the life you’re truly here to live. If you’re ready to reimagine what’s possible for yourself and for the world, you’re in the right place. Let’s go.

Kate Northrup: Okay. So, Steph

Stefanos Sifandos: Yo. Welcome. Thank you for

Kate Northrup: having me. Guess what?

Stefanos Sifandos: Tell

Kate Northrup: me. This is the first opportunity I’ve ever had to interview the husband of one of my dear friends. Oh. And this is really fun. Oh.

Which I understand that that’s not exactly what this interview is about, but I am going to use it.

Stefanos Sifandos: Sort of is.

Kate Northrup: As such.

Stefanos Sifandos: TB TBD about the fun piece, but we’ll see.

Kate Northrup: No. I think it’s gonna be really fun.

Stefanos Sifandos: It’s starting. It’s starting.

Kate Northrup: Think it’s gonna be really fun. Yeah. Okay. So how long have you and Christine been married?

Stefanos Sifandos: We have been married since officially October two thousand eighteen, October three.

Kate Northrup: Were you together a little bit before then?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yes. Not that long. I mean, depends. You know,

Kate Northrup: it’s like A quick ish. Right?

Stefanos Sifandos: Pretty quick ish. Yeah. We we were introduced in, like, March or April

Kate Northrup: Uh-huh.

Stefanos Sifandos: Long distance Yeah. By friends, and then we met in June, July. Was thinking that part. Yeah. I think, like, end of June or early July.

We got married in October.

Kate Northrup: Okay. So I covered yeah. That’s fast. I but when you know, you know. Yeah.

And maybe they’ll tell a different part of you know, they’ll

Stefanos Sifandos: tell years in, so, mean, we know something. We’re we’re eight years in, so we know something.

Kate Northrup: We’re always stubborn. Beautiful trials Yes. And you guys are doing great. So I wanna know I have heard the story of how you met and ended up together from Christine. Yes.

But I would like to hear it from you. Tell me your love story. Okay. Alright. Okay.

Stefanos Sifandos: So no. Well, I wasn’t so I’m gonna I’m going to share it from a place of what was happening in my life. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.

I can speak a little bit to what was happening in Christine’s life, but I wasn’t there at the time, only what I’ve been taught by her and

Kate Northrup: Also, you’re here, so we’ll

Stefanos Sifandos: talk about you. Of course. Yes. Yeah. Why not?

Talk about me. Okay. So at that time, I was I was really rebuilding my life after a number of years of having both deliberately and unconsciously destroying all of my life.

Kate Northrup: Every aspect?

Stefanos Sifandos: Every pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, every aspect. I mean, for except for my health.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. I was gonna say.

Stefanos Sifandos: Except for my physical health, which was what I also think kept me alive, like having that focus of being physically in my body and having that pattern and habit that there was also there’s also some compulsion and addiction there as well. But just having that and not letting that go, I think, really kept me alive through very tumultuous times, you know, psychologically and emotionally. And so spent a number of years just rebuilding myself financially, vocationally, everything, again, except for the health, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And I was in a really good place. I was in a grounded, healthy, expanded place.

I had access to hope again, like real hope, meaningful hope. I had meaning in my life again. And nothing really changed from what I was doing before. It’s just that I related to it differently because I’d cleared a lot of clutter, cleared a lot of stuff, like shit that was living in me. And I was relating to the world and myself differently, my self worth and all of that.

And so when we were introduced, I was probably about a year and a half out of being from being in a relationship. And

Kate Northrup: Was that the relationship you talked about that ended with cups being thrown at

Stefanos Sifandos: your No. No. Different relationship. That was that was what that was the one yeah. Can I make sure?

Yeah. Was that was the one after. Okay. And and, you know, after maybe what was that? Like, two, three years or something after that one, that was that was that one.

And both were really the the the breakup portion was really difficult for different reasons. And it wasn’t the breakup per se. It was more what it highlighted within me and what I then chose to delve into. So when we were introduced, I was in a really grounded place and I just started opening to the thought of, I’m open to a relationship. Don’t really want one, don’t really need one, but I’m really open to it.

I I was very clear, I’m open. I’m find the most aligned person and I’m happy to wait. I’m happy to be really patient with it. And then when Renee you know Renee and Kiera? I don’t think I have Renee and Kiera.

Three okay. When Renee when Renee introduced us

Kate Northrup: But I did know you you guys were introduced by friends.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yes. Yes. Yeah. When when they introduced because I was working at a startup that they were a part of. Uh-huh.

And then Christine has known her for many, many years, well over a decade. And then when Renee asked me, she said, hey. I have someone that I’d like to introduce to you. Actually, both gonna be in Estonia, which is a very small country in in Northern Europe.

Kate Northrup: What are the chances?

Stefanos Sifandos: I know. But at the same time, are you interested in relationship? And do you want relationship? Is that something that you want? I said, I’m hoping to.

Sure. Make introduction. I’m always happy to meet epic people. And she did, and we connected, and I reached out, and we just started talking. We took it to WhatsApp.

It was just an easy way to communicate and we went deep pretty quickly in terms of getting to know each other, the questions that we asked each other, sharing our intentions, sharing what was important to us, our values, what we wanted from life, where we were, our history. There was a lot that we were sharing. And we were just really open with each other, and that built intimacy and connection, and it also created clarity for me. And very quickly, within a few weeks, I thought, this there’s something about this woman, and so I thought, oh, I’m just gonna tell her. So I shared that with her, and I I shared, hey.

I just wanna be really honest with you. There’s something that I’m feeling here that is beyond just platonic and friendship. And seeming we’re going to meet, I also am very realistic and grounded in the fact that, hey, let’s feel each other physically. Let’s smell each other. Let’s actually be in each other’s presence.

May or may not like the way you smell, you may not like the way I smell. So, you know, pheromones, whatever. Yeah. Like, let’s let’s connect. Yeah.

And and she shared the same feeling, and then we we deep the conversation deepened a little bit more then because we got a little more deliberate. And but we were both really open to, hey. This may not be anything, but let’s be open to it being something. Even though I’m living in Australia at the moment, you’re living in America, I was planning on going to Europe before I even knew she existed, getting a one way ticket to Europe and then possibly The US, but I was playing with I’m a I’m a EU citizen, so I have the Okay. I’ve had access to that.

Uh-huh. So we deepened. She then invited me to Greece a week or eight or nine days before we went to be in Estonia. I was actually already in Europe, And the Greece trip was a trip with couples, but she was the only single there. Uh-huh.

So she invited me to meet not all of her friends, some of her Yeah. And I said, sure. And I made it very clear. I said, look. It may be awkward.

Right? We may not vibe. Yeah. So I can get a separate hotel room. Yep.

If we don’t vibe, I’m Greek. I’m gonna say, you do what you want. Yeah. It’s all good. Like, there’s no problem.

Yeah. But, you know, we met, and we moved in together the first day that we met. And

Kate Northrup: What was that?

Stefanos Sifandos: It’s that’s that.

Kate Northrup: It’s amazing. And you’ve been together ever since?

Stefanos Sifandos: We have. Yes.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. And I you know? Yeah. Listen. Any long term relationship is not easy.

Mhmm. It takes a lot of work. But as someone who has known Christine for over twenty years, and she reminded me that we actually met as children. Do you know this story?

Stefanos Sifandos: No. I was literally gonna ask you, how do you I can’t remember how you guys know.

Kate Northrup: We met as children. What? This is such a touching piece of our story, which she told me last year in Austin. She said, Kate, you probably don’t remember this, but when she was 14 and I was eight, she came with her mother to see my mom talk at a Hay House event, and we met in the ladies room as children. And her mother reminded her of that moment.

So we met as little girls, which is just, like, the sweetest thing. And then Gabby Bernstein introduced us when like, over twenty, you know, like, twenty years ago. And I just remember, you know, talking to her about love, and it was in the early days when I was with Mike. And we were I we were we were hiking in LA, and it’s just the most wonderful thing to see your friends happy. And I know nothing is perfect, but I just wish I could go back in time and tell her it is all going to work out.

Is a very awesome Australia coming

Stefanos Sifandos: for you.

Speaker 4: It’s gonna be great.

Kate Northrup: But yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: Oh, that’s cool. I didn’t know that. I I love I love knowing new things, especially about what’s familiar in my world. You know?

Kate Northrup: When she told me that story, I just burst into tears. I thought it was so magical. So, yeah, I’ve known her since I was younger, basically my kid’s age.

Stefanos Sifandos: That’s really cool. I know. That’s really cool.

Kate Northrup: Really cool.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. I’m happy I know that. Yeah. I’m gonna tell her that later.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Yeah. It’s really, really special. Okay. You are someone who has done a lot of work on yourself.

When was it? How old were you when you started doing your own healing work? And what kind of resistance did you have around that, if any, and what brought you to the point of starting to do work on yourself?

Stefanos Sifandos: I was messaging my mom today. Yeah. And I was just curious about because I’ve been thinking about my daughter and just how she sees the world and She’s four? She’s four. Yeah.

Yeah. Turned four in in a few days ago, March 13.

Kate Northrup: March which thirteenth?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Northrup: Okay.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. And so I’m just She’s

Kate Northrup: a Pisces.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah. She’s a Pisces like a papa.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And what’s your birthday?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. February 28. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I was just thinking about Athena’s fan. I thought, I just wanna check-in with my mom around what was I like as a kid. So was just asking a question. We’re going back and forth.

We’re asking the questions, and she was sharing some of that, and then she was sharing just some of the hardships I experienced in our we experienced in our family dynamic and and so forth. So when you asked that question about, you know, when do I start doing, you know, work on myself? My my sense is that I probably started from a very young age. It was a combination of disassociation, but also just knowing how I was and the sort of sensitivity that I had to the world. It was a I was I was energetically processing.

Right? So I think I started really young, like really, really young. And then as I grew older, I was exposed to many different worldly spiritualities and modalities through my mom, and that to me was personal growth. A lot of eastern mysticism and even western mysticism as well. And then in my, I I would say, more seriously, late teens, early twenties, but I’d never really go deep.

Like, I I thought I would be going deep, and I wanted to, but I wouldn’t allow myself to. And so that’s the resistance piece because I didn’t really wanna face what was living in me. Yeah. And it wasn’t until my my 30 of very early thirties, 30, 31, that I really, really faced the whole of myself, so to speak.

Kate Northrup: And what was going on at that point?

Stefanos Sifandos: Well, that was, you know, what you mentioned earlier around that that relationship

Kate Northrup: cups flying at your head. Yeah. Yeah. Or being thrown at your head.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah. Amongst other things. That that relationship was a very meaningful relationship to me, and it was the one that sort of unraveled me, and that that relationship just unraveled. And and there was a great deal of infidelity and cheating in that relationship on my on my on my end, and that was what unraveled that, and that was what, for whatever reason, became the sort of the the defining catalyst.

I think we have many catalysts for transformation and changing our lives, that became the defining catalyst for me really taking just an honest hard look at myself. A lot of shame came to the surface that I hadn’t dealt with before. A lot of that stuff that I was suppressing as a child, that came to the surface. A lot of childhood memories came up as well. Everything flooded me, and I thought, I I really don’t wanna keep living like this.

Like, this is like, we can break up, and and I can distance myself from that and have some reprieve, it’s all good, but I’ll just go back to doing the same things in a year’s time, three years’ because my whole life was chaotic. My whole life was volatile. It wasn’t just a relationship. I mean, that the relationship was volatile, those moments were volatile. But I just I wasn’t really enjoying life cause I wasn’t being me.

And so I I gave myself three options and three options were well, there’s one option actually, face this. End of story. There was no there was no there was that was the it was one option, face this. I really, really face it. And that looked like therapy and coaches and psychotherapy and psychiatry.

And I didn’t take any medication, although I I just explored everything. Energy energy workers, shamans, teachers, mystics, everything. And also being with myself, like actually just being with myself and really facing all of myself through a process of more stillness and silence and no distractions. Not using sex as a distraction, not using pursuit and dopamine and adrenaline as distractions and travel and business building and all the bullshit. Right?

Well, it was bullshit because of what it it was it was compensatory. That was the one choice I had, but there were three outcomes that I saw, and that was suicide because it’s too much Yeah. Mental asylum because it’s too much, or I get through it, and I grow and I live and I’m changed, genuinely changed. Right? And that stuff still lives in me, whatever, but I’m not I don’t act on it in the same way.

It’s because addictions are addictions. I really I value and I don’t wanna get too much on a tangent, but I really value the ethos of AA as an example, where where you where and it’s very left hand path where you you really you just you take ownership, deep truth of my my name is Stefan. I’m an addict. Right? My name is John, I’m an addict.

Right? My name is Peter, and I’m an addict. Like, it’s not a bad thing. So we these these addictive tendencies, these compulsions live within us. And if we deny them and pretend they don’t live there, we’re we’re we’re fighting.

We’re in resistance. And it’s it brings you face to face with your ego, with your personality, with shame, with fear, with pain, with all the things that we repress. And so I just always really committed to seeing more of myself. And, you know, thankfully, I came close to option number one, maybe an option number two as well. But, thankfully, clearly, I’m I never wanted that, but I’m here in in option three.

You know? Maybe a little bit of option two is still there. Just

Kate Northrup: Just to make life

Stefanos Sifandos: Little fractional. A little excited. Yeah. Keep everyone on their toes.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Well, especially with a child who won’t sleep. Yeah. I mean, that’ll send you straight.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Well, she surprises us. Sometimes she sleeps.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: And she will yeah. She’s kids are interesting.

Kate Northrup: Uh-huh. Kids are amazing.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah.

Kate Northrup: I’m so curious. What has becoming a father been like for you, and what has it required of you to face and address within yourself that you hadn’t before?

Stefanos Sifandos: It’s required I’ve faced the the bullshit perfectionist stories I told myself over the years inadvertently, not not consciously, so to speak. It’s pushed against my patience. It’s pushed against my tolerance, my reactivity, my my abrasiveness. I should say my need to control in the way that I control because it feels so out of control. Yeah.

I’m facing so much, and this is part of the conversation with my mother this morning or early on today. I’m facing so much of what I experienced in my childhood, but within myself. And so there’s part of me that feels very turbulent in internally, but I you know, the more the more we know, the less we know, and ignorance is also bliss. Right? So sometimes I wish I was ignorant, but because I know or I think I know that I think this is pretty accurate.

Being volatile, being reactive, trying to control a child, that’s it’s futile, and it’s not healthy for them. And I know that. And so I keep it inside, but it comes out like it may leak in my relationship with Christine. I mean, I’m short and impatient with her because, you know, in my mind, she can handle that or whatever. Yeah.

But that that’s not fair on her, and it’s also not fair on me that I’m living with that. So now I wanna well, I wanna address that. I wanna be with that. And so that then brings me face to face with more uncomfortable versions of myself or more uncomfortable, I guess, inner states that I’m dealing with. And so, oh, I’m not as patient as I thought I was.

I’m not as evolved as I thought I was.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Right? Yeah. Parenthood will really hold up a mirror.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. I’m not I’m not as and if I were just to say, you know, clear, and I use attributional characteristics like I’m I’m not as clear as I thought I was. I’m not as resilient as I thought I was or stoic as I thought I was. I’m I’m not as calm as I thought I was or I I would be under certain situations. And so also seeing how Athena is, how sometimes she can be emotionally dysregulated, it reminds me of some of the experiences I had.

Even though my mom said to me this morning, I was very calm, was very regulated, I was very quiet as a kid, I wasn’t what she was per se, but I remember feeling a lot of turmoil inside, I couldn’t really express it. Holding it in. Yeah. Holding it because it wasn’t safe to express. Yeah.

Right? And so my daughter and I are very similar. Uh-huh. Yes. So we’re very right brain dominant, both neurodivergent, you know?

So, And like, I see she’s a mirror for me. Yeah. And I have to come face to face with, oh, I’m like that, but in my own adult version way, which can be very difficult for people.

Kate Northrup: You know? Do you do with that discomfort? How do you move through it? What are some of your ongoing practices when you’re right up against it? Because I’ve never experienced anything as intense as the states of difficulty that I’ve had with parenting.

So, you know, what do you what do you got?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. What was the answer?

Kate Northrup: You tell me yours, and then I’ll tell you mine.

Stefanos Sifandos: But nothing for you. I can’t help you. And your father would buy tonight.

Kate Northrup: It’s not about parenting.

Stefanos Sifandos: No. But but it is but it is about all this stuff.

Kate Northrup: Is about you. Right? Yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: It is. It is. It is. Okay. So maybe I’ll share this with you.

This could be I’ve I’ve only recently been able to verbalize this. I’ve known it and felt it in my body for a very long time, but I’ve only recently been able to verbalize it. So we all have different coping strategies, but we all have different survival techniques, survival strategies to help us navigate difficult emotionally relational circumstances. And then as and this isn’t for you per se, but people listening maybe to put some words to this, as we’re growing up, we take on these strategies to protect ourselves, but they carry on into adulthood. And what worked back then, great, it kept you alive, sure, but it doesn’t work relationally.

Usually doesn’t work relationally. It’s not healthy. It doesn’t maintain and sustain connection and intimacy and closeness, which are the things that we crave. We wanna be seen. We wanna be understood.

It doesn’t maintain those because we’re trying to ultimately keep people at a distance because there’s a relational wound there and people are unsafe. So at unconscious levels, we’re keeping people at a distance. Some of my survival strategies obviously, I’ll keep things inside, as I mentioned earlier, but I witnessed a lot of volatility growing up. And so there’s a great deal of uncertainty that I experienced, and that meant a lot of catastrophe, at least the internalization of catastrophe in a worst case scenario of things happening, especially when I’d see my mother and father be violent with each other. I’m like, oh, what if mom dies?

Yeah. I can’t be with dad because that’s way too unsafe.

Kate Northrup: That’s scary.

Stefanos Sifandos: So now, yeah, now I have to protect mom, and I maybe I should get in there. And so all these patterns start to develop, and they they translate into relational adult patterns as well. So one of the things that I do in order to activate my survival strategy of reactivity Yeah. Anger, control, and we all control in different ways. So I collapse time and expand time almost simultaneously in fractions of a second, and I’ll tell you what I mean by that.

And it happens automatically. And I can only put words to it later. This is almost how I sense the world. So in a moment, for example, where Athena wakes up in the middle of the night or if she’s having a tantrum, like she’s emotion dysregulated because she had largely because she hasn’t slept because when she sleeps, she’s a very different child behaviorally. Her disposition, her outlook, her demeanor, like, everything’s different, And it’s way more regulated and grounded.

It’s such a beautiful thing to witness. I mean, the poor thing doesn’t sleep. She just can’t be She’s tired. She’s tired. She can’t be she doesn’t know how to be with herself.

Like, she’s learning.

Kate Northrup: I don’t know how to be

Stefanos Sifandos: with myself. I’m tired

Speaker 4: either. Poor thing.

Stefanos Sifandos: My friend says, man, I don’t know. I mean, you get I need eight hours sleep or I’m like, you’re gonna be having a kid soon. They’re putting that to bed very quickly. Pardon the pun. I’m telling you,

Kate Northrup: God, I just figure it out.

Stefanos Sifandos: But I mean, every every kid’s different anyway. So Yeah. She’s she’s

Kate Northrup: This is an episode about children.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. I know. But but here’s the thing. Right? Like, I’m happy I’m just happy we’re having a natural organic conversation.

We had no idea what we’re gonna talk about. I mean, maybe you did. I I didn’t some plans. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. But we’re all just little kids in big bodies.

Kate Northrup: Bed.

Stefanos Sifandos: So if you think you’re an adult, wherever the camera you’re not an adult. You’re you’re you are a regressed child Yeah. In an adult body. End of story. 100%.

That’s right. So so when she’s when she’s maybe wakes up in the middle of the night and she’s disoriented, maybe it’s a a night terror or something. I don’t but she’s just disoriented, and she’s now going back to sleep. I start worst case scenario and shit. Right?

It’s been ten minutes, it’s been twenty minutes. I start counting. She really needs eleven and a half hours, but she’s probably not going to get that now. Maybe she gets ten and a half. Oh, she’s to sleep till seven.

What do I do? So I start collapsing, but then I go even further. If this keeps going, how is she going to be when she’s a teenager? Is she gonna be a drug addict like my friend’s daughter? All of this happen.

It’s it’s somatic. It’s sort of thought. Right. So fractions of a second. Right?

All of a

Kate Northrup: sudden You’re like bailing her out of jail.

Stefanos Sifandos: Oh, I’ve got this lifetime, like thirty, 40, 50. I’m a piece of shit father. Yeah. I’m upset as well. Like, all these things that are happening Wow.

Fifty years condensed into a fraction of a second. So that’s what we expanded time, collapsed time. Yep. And now, well, well, I’m not gonna have any of that. So how do I deal with that?

I go to what the deepest neural groove is, which is, well, I’m gonna start taking control of the situation. So now I’m gonna get angry. Now I’m gonna tell her how to be.

Kate Northrup: Mhmm. Which is yeah. Getting angry at a child in the middle of the night is I literally one time told Ruby when she was, like a toddler at I some literally said eff you in the middle of the night one time to her.

Stefanos Sifandos: And I

Kate Northrup: was like, oh my gosh. This is an ultimate low.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. This is really good. I’ve had a few ultimate lows.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I’ll just calling myself out there for a minute. I really been there.

Stefanos Sifandos: Voice and say, Tina, enough. But, like, I’ve, you know, raising she’s Right. And then she’s

Kate Northrup: out of for a man, that’s scary. It’s scary. Yeah. I’ve had to explain that to Mike so many times. He’s like, babe, you have to understand as a man that for me, as a woman, and for our daughters, men could lit like, is a physical danger response in our bodies.

Yeah. You could physically harm us in a way that you will not ever understand that level of fear.

Stefanos Sifandos: I feel terrible.

Kate Northrup: And when it comes with that voice, I’m not, it’s just like, it’s really annoying.

Stefanos Sifandos: No. You’re not making me

Kate Northrup: ugly. Know, like, deep bow with girl dads to have to this is a lot.

Stefanos Sifandos: Well, so it’s

Kate Northrup: lot of responsibility. 90%,

Stefanos Sifandos: 90 something, 90 whatever percent of the time I keep in here.

Kate Northrup: Because that’s also your strategy.

Stefanos Sifandos: Correct.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Yeah. That’s like strategies. How do you deal with the fact that that’s simultaneously a compensatory strategy that has caused you problems in the past, but then also you really can’t let it out at your daughter in the middle of the night?

Stefanos Sifandos: It’s really tough. Yeah. Yeah. And it leaks out sideways in my demeanor, in my mood.

Kate Northrup: Later. Like in the morning.

Stefanos Sifandos: For sure. Or just later in the day if it’s a daytime thing that I’m experiencing or the compound effect of her being demanding or her behaving a certain way that I don’t resonate with, well, I can’t access calmness where I’m not I’m not regulating. Because the original question was like, what are your tools basically?

Kate Northrup: And I’ll

Stefanos Sifandos: get to that

Kate Northrup: for sure. Sorry. We’re all No. No.

Stefanos Sifandos: No. It’s not your fault. No. It’s it’s The reason why I mentioned the collapsing is because just quite frankly, it’s really difficult for me. And I don’t want to make excuses.

I’m just it’s difficult for me to access those tools more readily. In the moment. Yes. In the moment because the intensity of the collapse. And so I’m really doing my best to almost again, it’s very difficult for me, but notice when there is the inception of collapse Mhmm.

And pulling physically pulling myself back for a moment and realizing it and then calming just through very simple techniques of long slow breathing. Yep. It’s not doesn’t have be anything complex. Totally. It can be 10 or 15 burpees just to break break a rhythm.

Kate Northrup: You’ll do burpees in the middle of the night?

Stefanos Sifandos: Not in front of her. Oh, No. Just like one of you. No.

Kate Northrup: No. Like another type.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah. During the Or or I’ll and I’ve done this before where I’ll say, I wish I could do it more is the answer, but I’ll say, Athena, daddy’s having some really big feelings right now. I’m just gonna go into the other room. I’m gonna take some breaths.

I’m coming right back. Or I’ll say, daddy’s having really big feelings right now. Can you help me breathe? Can you do some breaths for me? Yeah.

It’s good for her too to do some breaths. Right? And she gets that. Like, read her books, and she she so there’s some of the tools I use. The the challenge that I have is that, at least in my mind, I don’t use them enough.

And so the reason wanna use them, why don’t use them is that it’s difficult for me to access. Because when we’re

Kate Northrup: in the survival groove

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah.

Kate Northrup: It doesn’t even occur to us to reach for a tool. And, yeah, I just I think that those those moments with kids can bring us to our edge and be such a beautiful opportunity to see where love hasn’t gone yet or, you know, where where we do have those places to grow.

Stefanos Sifandos: I totally agree. And that’s how I’m most of the time doing my best to see it as opposed to seeing it in a negative light. I think the biggest tool for me is the proactive practices that I have because when I’m overwhelmed, I go to reactivity and collapse a lot faster. When I’m not, it’s delayed a lot longer. Like, always tell Christine, I say to her, you amaze me, and you’re so and I genuinely mean it.

You’re so amazing at how much patience you have because I don’t feel I have that. And so I’m not comparing, well, you’re better than me and I’m a piece of shit or I hate you for No. Being Totally. More so like I’m in awe. Yeah.

I’m in awe of how patient you are. And so what I have found really works for my mind, my brain, my neurodivergent brain is proactive practices.

Kate Northrup: Yes.

Stefanos Sifandos: And so an example, again, when I’m overwhelmed, when I have a lot on, when Athena’s behaving in a particular way, and let me be very I wanna just I wanna be very mindful of the language that I’m using, and wanna be very clear on my what what I’m sent what I what I sense inside with this. This is not about Athena’s behavior. Totally. This is about my nervous system and how it’s responding, reacting to her.

Kate Northrup: Right. Because she’s just being a kid the way kids are She’s

Stefanos Sifandos: being perfect. Totally. It’s nothing to do with her. It’s all got to do with so I’m attempting to create more space in my day. Because when I cram my day and I go from work to dinner, I’m I’m frazzled.

Right? Or because I run multiple businesses.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. You guys have a lot going on.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. And their choices that we’re it’s sort of like I’m trying to do less. Right? I’m trying to have a very deliberate break between my work and family time. Like, even if it’s literally jumping in the cold plunge for three minutes Yeah.

Or going for a ten minute walk or listening to some binaural beats or a combination of something where there’s a definitive, hey. I’m separating from all this energy I’ve been putting here, and now I’m gonna go here, but I’m not just gonna run to it. So I’m I’m attempting to give my nervous system space and breaks. So that proactive tool, if you like, is very, very helpful. Also looking at I don’t wanna make an assumption about you, but I think I know you well enough to make

Kate Northrup: a decision. What you got.

Stefanos Sifandos: But you’re probably someone that’s fairly hard on yourself. Right?

Kate Northrup: Actually, believe it or

Stefanos Sifandos: not Oh.

Kate Northrup: I’m not I had a babysitter growing up who literally said to my mom, you know, Kate really goes easy on herself. And I don’t beat myself up a lot.

Stefanos Sifandos: That’s awesome. Well, may maybe I’ll say this. I I

Kate Northrup: I can. It depends on the venue.

Stefanos Sifandos: Other venue.

Kate Northrup: So I’ll tell you, if I have disappointed somebody, if I have let down somebody I love, I want to die. And I beat myself up. Like, my parents never had to discipline me because if I did anything wrong, the level of self punishment was so perfect. So where

Stefanos Sifandos: are you not hard on yourself?

Kate Northrup: So I’m not hard on myself. Like, if I mess up when I’m doing a video or, like, I send out something that had a broken link

Stefanos Sifandos: Oh, yeah.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. You know, a lot of people really go into Yeah. It Yeah. Thing about that. I’m just like

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Whatever.

Kate Northrup: So, like, I guess it just depends on the area.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Okay. Cool. Okay. So so

Kate Northrup: Carry on. Yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: So more so well, I guess what I’m actually more thinking is I’ll I’ll tell you you tell me if you relate to this. So I’ll I’ll go through my workday or workweek, and I’ll have a sense of, did I even accomplish anything? Do you ever get that, or you’re not even much like that? Is Mike like that?

Kate Northrup: Mike might be more like that. You know, I don’t know your type of neurodivergence. Yeah. I am not diagnosed, but I

Stefanos Sifandos: think I’m not either.

Kate Northrup: I’m very likely if it were to be you have ADHD.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah.

Kate Northrup: So for example, I used to, in Miami, schedule a podcast day with my podcast man, and he would come and I would get nine episodes done in a day. Like, boom, boom, boom. I would go home. I’d like, ba bam. I’m a rock star.

Now I schedule a day by myself. You wanna know how many episodes I get done? Many. One. In a whole day.

And I’m like, wow. What was I doing?

Stefanos Sifandos: So What were

Kate Northrup: you doing? I I don’t know. Did

Stefanos Sifandos: you do?

Kate Northrup: My exactly. Mine versus what? My ability to putter and, like, get lost in whatever is is profound.

Stefanos Sifandos: So I was looking for relatability, and you shot me down.

Kate Northrup: I know. Sorry.

Stefanos Sifandos: I’m about it. So sometimes

Kate Northrup: I do have that sense, but carry on.

Stefanos Sifandos: Well, I’ll carry on. So Tell me about you. Yes. So I’m gonna tell you about me. So I I have a I have this practice that one of my coaches is is working with me on, and it’s it’s it’s she calls it facts are friendly.

Right? So what is the fact of what you achieved during the day?

Kate Northrup: I like that.

Stefanos Sifandos: And I go through this practice, not every day, but most days, and I list all the things that I did.

Kate Northrup: Yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: Right? Everything. Personal, business, everything. Right? And then pretty much every time I look at the list, I go, wow.

I can’t believe I did all that. Yeah. But part of my overwhelm is that I have this belief that I don’t I’m not doing enough. Time is running out. Right?

Because I’ve I’ve got responsibilities with my family, and I’ve got responsibilities with business, and I’m not doing anything. But when I actually look at what I’ve done by just putting pen to paper, it really relieves that overwhelm that lives unconsciously in me. So that’s another practice. And, yeah, and that helps with just creating more spaciousness in my mind. Yeah.

And so if and when my nervous system is about to get riled up for whatever reasons, I can actually be with it in a more calm way.

Kate Northrup: Because you’ve already given yourself more space preventatively, proactively. Yeah. Okay. So there’s something that I tell people a lot, and I’m curious if you agree. I talk about nervous system work like compounding interest.

So if we you know, with dental hygiene, right, we have to brush our teeth the same amount of times every day for the rest of our lives. That’s just there’s no compounding effect. But nervous system work, really, when we make these investments, yesterday’s ceiling becomes tomorrow’s floor. So what you’re describing with these proactive practices would corroborate that idea. Agreed.

Do you agree, and is there anything you would add to that in terms of your understanding of our default patterning?

Stefanos Sifandos: I very much resonate with that. Again, for me, and I would guess for so many people, proactive work not it aids in the moment work.

Kate Northrup: Yes.

Stefanos Sifandos: Right? It supports in the moment work being more effective and more accessible.

Kate Northrup: I love that.

Stefanos Sifandos: And so when we’re proactive with nervous system regulation, so for example, you may just be feeling generally you’re in a time in your life where you generally feel okay. Yeah. You feel good. You just family’s grooving, work’s grooving, you’re in a rhythm, personal care is there, whatever. Right?

Don’t negate proactive nervous system regulation work.

Kate Northrup: Right.

Stefanos Sifandos: Because it so for example, that could mean it may not be if you’re going through a difficult time in life, you may be way more proactive. Frequency and the volume and even the intensity, not so much intensity, but the frequency and the volume may be there more, you’re more deliberate. But when everything is going good, you may twice a day just engage in a five minute breath practice that helps slow you down and remind you what homeostasis feels like or a sounding practice, or you may just go put your feet in the grass and get some sun. And you’re deliberate with that, not just for health benefits like longevity and so forth, but for your nervous system. Because the more our nervous system attunes to a familiar state of regulation, the faster and more likely it is to access that in times of turmoil.

Right? And that’s part of resilience. Resilience for me is our ability to recover from hardship. Toughness is our ability to move through hardship. And so so the more we practice proactive nervous system regulation with very simple accessible techniques like some that we’ve we’ve spoken to Yeah.

Even laying down with a weighted blanket on for three minutes in the middle of your workday or something like that.

Kate Northrup: Laying down with a child lying on top of you. Fantastic. I

Stefanos Sifandos: love that. When my little girl told me, I love that. It’s so nice. It’s so good.

Kate Northrup: We actually went through a long stretch back to kids and sleep when Penelope wouldn’t fall asleep unless she was lying on top of one of us.

Stefanos Sifandos: That becomes problematic.

Kate Northrup: And that was really hard. Yes. However

Stefanos Sifandos: So what’s the process?

Kate Northrup: Receive I just, like, went full surrender and was like, well, this is a weighted blanket, and I’m gonna just and I knew I knew that someday she would be big and I would miss that. And I don’t know that I miss, like, that type of being trapped anymore, but, like, still that trapped. Yeah. That that closeness. Okay.

I wanna know in terms of the nervous system, why is it, or can you describe to me it could be the nervous system. It could be other pieces of your body of work. And by the way, I do wanna say that in your book, I love how many practices you have. It’s a very practical book, so thank you for that. Yeah.

And why is it around our patterning and programming that in long term relationships, it’s very common for the spark to go out or for people to lose their desire. Does that have anything to do with our nervous system? Does that have to do with our wounding? What’s going on there, and what can people do about it? Because I know that that is something that our listeners deal with.

We dealt with it, I have to say, magically.

Stefanos Sifandos: I mean,

Kate Northrup: it’s not magically. We did things around it, but, like, we are in the best place we’ve ever been even before, even, like, since before we even got married, which I really celebrate.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. It’s amazing.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. It is really amazing. Yeah. But I don’t know that I could codify and say to someone else, like, oh, here’s the steps we took. Like, there was just so I wanna know what you would recommend for someone who is feeling like they’re they’ve lost their desire, they’ve lost their spark, or they’ve lost that, like, romance and sense of, like, you know Mhmm.

Wanting to be with each other physically.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. It can be it can be different for so many. What contributes to and what I’ve seen in couples and in our relationship as well is when we don’t prioritize intimacy and connection, distance is created. And when distance is created, you feel like strangers. And couple that with not you know, just going back to regulation tools, not having your own practice of dealing with the overwhelm of life, familiarity can be perceived to be boring.

And so then we search for novelty and variety, which breeds excitement and mystery and connection outside of the relationship. And I don’t necessarily mean that that’s cheating or being with other people. It could mean just in your own creative endeavors, spending more time with friends, and it’s not all those things aren’t bad. They’re great things. You know?

I think we all should have our own personal endeavors, creative endeavors that we pursue, have our own friendship separate to the the the core relation romantic partnership that we have, but we have to look at what’s the why behind our actions around that. And so quite simply put, you have to put effort into a relationship, and sometimes it’s uncomfortable to do so. And you you have to deal with the overwhelming life that pulls you in different directions. Again, business, work, kids, the tragedies that are happening in the world. Like, you you’ve gotta be disciplined to not look at the news, right, if that’s gonna affect you and put you in a state of worry and panic.

I’m not saying bury your head in the sand, but But not be, like, addicted to the loop. Yeah. And and then deal with that. Like, if if there’s a if there’s a concern, like, so many people don’t do their inner work on a regular basis and are not curious about their own selves. And this may not be, you know, the answer that people wanna hear because it’s not necessarily a three step codified process.

Although, you know, in the in the in the book, there are practices that are a little more detailed than what I’m describing, but I wanna lay the foundation down. Like, we we have to want to prioritize intimacy with ourselves and intimacy with our partner. And if we don’t do that, if we don’t take that action, we’re like, there’s so much distance that’s gonna be created. One thing that I’ll be very specific with that can really, really help is most because you’re speaking about long term relationships. Right?

So my guess is that your audience is people that really listen to you are in no. I’m sure there’s a variety of people, but many are in in long term relationships. Many. Do you get questions around that? Like, what do just ask?

No.

Kate Northrup: That one I just sort of asked because I think it’s really common.

Stefanos Sifandos: Very

Kate Northrup: The next question I’m gonna ask you is one that I get always

Stefanos Sifandos: Oh, no. No. Great. Great. Great.

Okay.

Kate Northrup: Well, because, you know, I talk about money. So Yeah. Yeah. Conversations about sex don’t come up all that often.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. Yeah. But I like to talk about it.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Yeah.

Kate Northrup: And I think sex and money are super related.

Stefanos Sifandos: Very I I totally agree. Yes. So the one thing that very many couples don’t do, and this builds over time, is they don’t have an outlet for their withholds, their judgments, their resentments, and their fears. And so your partner may do something. It may be something really small.

You let it go. You’re busy that day. You don’t have time to deal with it. There’s more important things to work with. But that happens and happens and happens over and over, and you build resentment.

You don’t share it. Resentment holding resentment is not doesn’t is not conducive to attraction. It

Kate Northrup: is not.

Stefanos Sifandos: It takes up a lot of space.

Kate Northrup: Yes. It does. And internally, you’re like It’s conducive to repulsion.

Stefanos Sifandos: Correct. You’re like, that person. I don’t wanna be near them. Last thing you wanna do is have sex with them or be physically intimate with them or say nice things to them or be kind. And then you start wondering why why am I not kind?

And then it starts leaking out. And then that person receives that and like, what do I Now they’re angry or they’re upset and they’re reactive. And then so you’re both in your survival strategies and you’re both in your reactive patterns. Right? And you’re in essentially in some kind of a trauma bond that’s not really being addressed because you haven’t made conscious the fact that part of why you’re together in a relationship is to help each other be whole.

To help each other, not make each other whole, but to help each other be whole and to to to be different from how you were. And so what I what I make that mean is that most trauma or intensity that we experience in the body and in the mind is results in disempowerment at some level. And as adults, we repeat very similar patterns not to continue to be disempowered, but to move, to shift from disempowerment to empowerment. But we have to do that together because most wounds are relational. They have to be healed in a relational context.

So back to the tool. Have a practice or have an agreement because some people don’t want the rigid practice of on the on the last Thursday of every month, this is what we’re gonna talk about. Cool. So then have a spontaneous

Kate Northrup: We love that. We would totally put it on

Stefanos Sifandos: the screen. Put it 100. There’s no there’s nothing wrong.

Kate Northrup: I love containers on the calendar for specific It’s not

Stefanos Sifandos: yeah. People think that it destroys mystery and spontaneity. It can. Sure. But you also can create space for mystery and spontaneity.

Maybe once a month, you have that practice, or you just have an agreement that, hey. If one of us has a resentment or a withhold that we want to express, we can come to each other, ask for a good time to do that, and then we give each other the space to listen, to actively listen, to reflect back, to empathize. You have agreements, you have tools. You know how to do NVC. You know how to do a Not

Kate Northrup: violent communication.

Stefanos Sifandos: An amago dialogue, right, as as as communication tools, and you respect each other’s space and there’s reciprocity there. When you have a a platform to be heard and you can clear the air, guess what that does? That frees up space to see your person Yeah. As a really sexy person, an attractive person.

Kate Northrup: Amazing. I remember when I was when Mike was really sick for a really long time and then he kept getting injured, I the level of resentment that I had built up was profound. I just started letting it out. We did not have clear agreements about this. This would have been helpful, but I just it started coming out.

And he I he was such a rock star about it. He would sit in his bed because he couldn’t walk, poor guy. And I would come in, I would just let him have it, and he would sit there and just receive me. He would look at me and go, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

Stefanos Sifandos: And

Kate Northrup: immediately, I was like, oh, this man’s skin is falling off. It’s really disgusting, and also he can’t walk. But there would be a little bit of turn on, Just a little bit. Like, then sometimes, he would hand me a pillow, and he’d be like, let me have it. Just all all the anger you have, just I’m gonna sit here.

I’m gonna stand here. I’m gonna take it. Just hit me with the pillow. And I wouldn’t well, I will never forget this. This one particular time he was poor guy.

He was so sick. And but he handed me a pillow. I just, like, had at it. I just went for it. And then afterwards, because he could just receive it and be like, yeah, okay, thanks for letting me know.

We had, I think, possibly, like, the best kiss of our entire relationship. It was one of the most memorable experiences I’ve ever had, and it is evidence of exactly what you’re talking about.

Stefanos Sifandos: When I’m sick, and I’m I don’t think I’ve been sick like my cat, so I know I haven’t. But when I just get sick, like, really, really sick, it’s very humbling for me personally. I I really move into deep humility, and my sense is that maybe Mark was able to access that and and be there for you in those moments. Yeah.

Kate Northrup: It was amazing. Was really amazing. And, yeah, he was such a well, we didn’t start there, but, like, it got there and and and it was incredible. I’m sure, you know, I could have channeled my anger in more effective ways, but he was able to receive it, and it was phenomenal.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. Look. That’s not gonna what happened there is, I will say, bit probably an anomaly. Yeah. And most people won’t be able to hold it in that way, but god bless him and you that and both of you.

Right? But god bless him particularly that he was able to hold that. Yeah. Because that’s a that’s an amazing example of what I’m speaking to. Yes.

When when you when someone feels heard and there’s no conditions to that hurt to that being heard,

Kate Northrup: sorry defensiveness?

Stefanos Sifandos: No defensiveness. No judgment

Kate Northrup: back. Blaming.

Stefanos Sifandos: But you just you just Yeah. Even in his sickness, there was some turn on for you. Turn on meaning there’s a attraction there. Like Yeah. You’re there’s magnetism.

There’s Magnetism. There’s this. Yes.

Kate Northrup: Not that. We were not I was not I was no longer repulsed. And that’s was a little bit attracted.

Stefanos Sifandos: And he’s and he’s very ill. Yes. Which of miracle. Yeah. I know.

Yeah. But but that’s the power of what you’re saying. It’s a really great example because it’s an extreme example to re and imagine when that’s not there. Like, that that is how powerful having a safe space. You know, back I wanna tie this back to your original question of, like, when the spark is gone in long term relationships, what’s something that can be done to come back together?

Now does this guarantee it? No. But having a space where you can truly be heard and truly be understood, and if both people are seeking to understand each other and that is their genuine intent, man, the the space that is cleared within self or the energetic space that you that is consuming you from resentment and anger and frustration, it dissipates. You’re able to see and feel very differently. You give yourself every fighting chance, right, to actually be attracted to each other.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. I’m so glad you shared that. And it’s specific, and people can use that. Very. Now my next question that I do get all the time is I get it around money because the the work that I do is around money, and most of our customers are women, but increasingly, we’re having more and more men.

And one of the most unexpected parts of the work is that it actually heals a lot of people’s partnerships, which is not what I have on the sales page. But it happens, and it’s really cool. So one of the things we started doing is inviting people to bring their partner if they want to to relax money into the program. But what I hear over and over again is my and this is for heterosexual couples where the woman has signed up, and then they ask, how do I get my husband on board with this kind of work? Now my course is about money, but ultimately, it really is about healing.

And so I’m curious for women who would like their husband to do work on himself, but he’s resistant, what is your what do you suggest for them? I certainly have things that I say, but I wanna know what you would

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. So two things that I would focus on. The first is if this is really important to you, can you vulnerably, genuinely vulnerably share why it matters to you and really share from your heart what it would mean to you. This requires risk. Right?

It requires risk in putting your heart out there, not making him wrong, not saying, hey. You need to do this because I’m asking you to and guilting and shaming and all those things. This is really important to me and to us, and here’s why. This is what it means. This is what I’m feeling in my body.

This is this is what I’m scared of if we if we don’t grow together in this way. This is what I see for our future, but that requires risks. That requires you putting it out there and him saying, no. And then having to deal with that. So vulnerability is really important.

Sharing truthfully is really important of why it matters to you. Not making it about him, but making it about you and the relationship and what just why it matters. The second thing is be that change. So so you’re engaging in the work, whether it’s yoga or whether it’s one of your courses or whether it’s a meditation retreat, live the results of this new thing that you’re into or not even new thing that you’re into, this way of living that you’re into. Let him feel that and invite him in subtle ways and he’ll more than likely get curious.

Now I will add a third thing. That third thing is identify within yourself if growth and growth together is a nonnegotiable. Mhmm. Because if it isn’t, you don’t really need to force him to do anything. Yeah.

We don’t really there’s not there’s not much weight that’s attached to it. But if it is, then, again, back to step one around the vulnerability, really and, again, this is an ultimatum. It’s not giving anyone an ultimatum. I’m not saying if you don’t do this, I’m I’m gonna leave you. Hey.

This this is really important. This is my highest value growth, and I wanna grow with you. I wanna grow together. Is this something that you’d be willing to do? Mean, like, make the request.

Invite them in, you know, directly and also indirectly by just being more of the results that this way of living is giving you.

Kate Northrup: I love that so much. It’s really great. So as your new book makes its way into the world, what is your hope for the people who are receiving it? What is the intention, the transformation that comes with having written this? Because it’s a lot of freaking work to get a book out there.

Most people Yeah. Yeah. Most people don’t ever get what’s inside them out there onto the page, and so I know with everything else you guys have going on, this is this is not a small thing, so I know it comes with a certain fire of of intention. What is

Stefanos Sifandos: it? Well, in the book, there’s a phrase that I use called intelligent hope, and I’ll I’ll let the readers decipher what that is. Yeah. Find out what that is.

Kate Northrup: That’s a funny story. I think that.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. But my my hope for people reading this is that they genuinely are able to be hopeful again for their lives in a very meaningful way, though, that that there there aren’t any a lot of tools in there, and it is very practical. There are also many of my own my own life stories, many client stories over the years, over twenty five years of me doing this in the world, coaching, teaching, etcetera, working with individuals and couples, there’s a lot of client stories that are that are real and that I really believe give people hope through relatability, but through the process that they’re taken through and they’ve taken themselves through, and they fundamentally change as a result of that. A lot of that has been the work that I’ve done in myself, what I’ve learned over the years and, you know, working with many different teachers as well. When someone picks us up and reads this, it’s not necessarily for the person that’s only desperate or at at their at their wit’s end.

It’s for the person that is just craving and wanting, longing for meaningful change in their lives and is just a little unsure of what that looks like. So pick up the book and read it and try it because you may be very surprised, and that hope sparks momentum. Right? And so, you know, my hope is that people feel hopeful about living in life and life force again because there were times, and I go through this in the book, there were times in my life many where I didn’t want to live and my life force was drained for so many different reasons largely because I was ignoring myself and I wasn’t facing myself. I was not choosing to be with the whole of who I was, and that included the very uncomfortable parts.

The other thing I would say is that, you know, inner work and facing yourself, it doesn’t have to be that desperate and dangerous. It can actually be very fulfilling and and and slow, smooth, smooth is fast. And, again, there’s a road map here in in how to actually do that in a, again, a very kind way to yourself. So many people, we’re just not kind to ourselves. We don’t know how to be.

The book helps you in that way as well.

Kate Northrup: Really, really beautiful. Thank you so much. So everyone listening, get yourself a copy of Tuned In and Turned On, A Path to True Connection, Deep Healing, and Lasting Love. Mhmm. And where else can people find you if they wanna connect?

Stefanos Sifandos: I’ll say one more thing as well Yes, Tim. On this book because I know that, you know, you attract amazing people in your community and successful people as well that want more. This book, in part, at least, was written with that in mind and heart for the person that has success that because, you know, wealthy people and successful people can hide in many ways Yes. Through their success, through the access that they have. Right?

And so many people are outwardly successful and materially successful, yet they feel empty inside. And they don’t feel fulfilled, and they’re constantly chasing, and it’s never enough. Empty success syndrome. So this book really supports with that as well. And you can get the book at tuned in and turned onbook.com.

Audio is available.

Kate Northrup: Did you read the audio?

Stefanos Sifandos: I did. If you don’t like my voice, bad luck. Unfortunately You’re great. You’re a

Kate Northrup: great voice.

Stefanos Sifandos: Thank you. I appreciate I’m far more articulate in in the recording because I had to be. It was such a hard thing to do. Have you recorded yours?

Kate Northrup: I have. Yeah.

Stefanos Sifandos: It was it was really find it hard

Kate Northrup: at the beginning? A lot of people really don’t

Stefanos Sifandos: like it. Yeah. I thought I thought, oh, I’ve got decent lung capacity. I just it was humbling. Like, I’m an athlete.

What’s going on here?

Kate Northrup: Well, and then they keep stopping you because the pee pops and the whatever, and you

Stefanos Sifandos: have to read I’m

Kate Northrup: like, ah, wait. I thought I knew how to read. Now I don’t. I thought I knew how to talk. I guess maybe I don’t.

I know. It is pretty quick, but, you know, couple

Stefanos Sifandos: hours in, got it.

Kate Northrup: But Yes, jarring.

Stefanos Sifandos: It’s tough. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I read it. But the good thing is just to speak to the audio really quickly, I read the audio about a year after I finished writing the book.

Yeah. So I’m reading it. I’m like Right. I’ve got more to say here. Don’t so

Kate Northrup: did you add it in?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. I did.

Kate Northrup: Oh, great. I did that with both of my books, and it was so fun. Was like

Stefanos Sifandos: It was great.

Kate Northrup: So the actually, the audiobook is a different product and has bonus material.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yes. Okay.

Kate Northrup: Great. And, again So people should get themselves both copies.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yes. Thank you. Why not? Yeah. Because the book is you know, it’s hard.

It’s good practices and everything else. And and I will say, hey. House was amazing when I asked them. They said, yeah. Do that.

Yeah. I encouraged it. That was this was really I was really happy with that. That’s great.

Kate Northrup: Yeah. They’re good about creativity that way.

Stefanos Sifandos: Yeah. So the audiobook is bone there’s more bonus material in the audiobook, and tuned in and turn on book.com. There’s a stack of additional bonuses that you get, yeah, for the with the audiobook and with the the book as well. Okay. They’re really valuable.

Yeah. Great. And you can find me at at Stefanos Sifandos on any social media.

Kate Northrup: At Stefanos Sifandos?

Stefanos Sifandos: Yep. Are you there? You and then just just sort of hit. Hot. And it’s half Italian.

Oh, really? Yeah. Half half Greek, half Sicilian.

Kate Northrup: Thank you for talking about Plenty. This was really fun.

Stefanos Sifandos: I appreciate you.

Kate Northrup: If you’ve been feeling called to write a book, but just haven’t got around to it yet, can’t find the time to prioritize it, or just aren’t doing it for whatever reason, I have something for you. Keira Brinson, who was a sponsor of our most recent Relaxed Money Live, has an incredible program called the author threshold. What I appreciate about the way Keira works is that she doesn’t just talk about writing. She actually integrates the nervous system in the process, because writing a book is way beyond authorship. It’s about being able to have the alignment and the expansion and the capacity to be with the expansion that comes from getting your work out into the world in a bigger way through a book.

If there’s a message within you that just won’t leave you alone, this could be your next step. You can join Keira’s free workshop at katenorthrup.com/keira, which is spelled keira. Katenorthrup.com/keira. The link is also in the show notes.