The Freedom Tour has taught me several lessons about myself, love and life:

But one of the most important lessons of all: freedom is an inside job

This summer I had a chance to experience it first hand – in a dressing room. Of all places.

I took a branded shopping trip with my friend and colleague Kristen Domingue, creator of Ignite, a boutique style and brand consultancy. She specialized in helping women entrepreneurs link their style to their brand, and their brand to their purpose, so they KNOW they are attracting the right clients, on and off-line.

Given that I do so much speaking, and dress from my suitcase-cum-closet, a little style pit stop felt like a good idea.

After filling out her extensive brand assessment, and talking about my brand and purpose with her, she hit the streets and set aside clothes that were aligned with my core message. Clothes for dates, for speaking gigs, for working with clients, and just plain old hittin’ the road.

We had a lot of fun, broke a few sales associate hearts. And more than that, I realized we are aligned on something important.

I believe that freedom is something that happens inside of you when you tell yourself the truth (about money, love, etc.), and then align your life with that truth.

Inviting Mike on the Freedom Tour? Truth.
Starting the freedom Tour? Truth.
Taking a break this summer? Truth.
Not doing a daily video blog? Truth.
Cutting my hair? Truth.

And as a result, I am feeling more like me, and more free than I have in a long time.

Kristen totally understood that – in fact – just like I believe freedom is an inside job, she shares that branding is an inside job: the outer expression of your internal purpose; aligning your brand with your purpose leaves you free to have the kind of business and life you really want.

I mentioned in another post that this year, I launched a new business partnership, ended another one, then ended the one I had just started, experimented with being homeless, and fell in love.

With all that transition, my brand was a little hard to nail down.

But I can tell you for sure, my essence wasn’t.

It’s in stripping away everything that wasn’t me that the truth of my loves, likes, dislikes emerged. Which meant that while we saw tons of cute clothes, I felt most like me when we took an off-the-plan stroll into Cathryn Malandrino (a personal fave of mine) and I fell in love with a dress I wore to dinner that night, and then to a wedding the following week. It felt so much like me, that I bought it in 2 colors.

There is something magical about finding a dress that compliments you perfectly, fits you like a glove, and truly looks like you to the most important person of all: you.

And as I transitioned all year, a magic is emerging on The Freedom Tour that has it “fit me” just like my Cathryn Malandrino.

This year on The Freedom Tour (just like in the dressing rooms,) I tried on, I took off. I looked for the right fit, color, cut and shape.

I didn’t settle.

And I found freedom in the perfect little black (and peach!) dress…

What I noticed about Kristen in our time together, is that she is committed to getting down to the core essence of a person. She doesn’t want you to just look good, she really wants you to have something that fits YOU.

She’s offering a tele-class about this called Magnetic Branding. On it, she’ll share exactly how to infuse your brand with your purpose – your truth – and how this creates more freedom in your business and life.

Click here to register for it:

Magnetic Branding
November 8th at 3 pm EST

More than anything, I do The Freedom Tour to inspire you to find the keys to your own freedom. I know this tele-class is one tool to help you do that.

Click here to register now.

Letting go is scary.

The thing about letting go is that it’s scary. Even if we’re not completely thrilled with what we’ve got already, at least we know what we can expect with it. Even if holding on means living a bit smaller than we know we’re capable of, not being quite as happy as we suspect might be possible, or feeling ever so much more mediocre than we’d hoped, at least we already know what it feels like. And there’s a seductive, if false, sense of safety and control that comes from knowing what to expect if we stay just exactly where we are.

There’s nothing familiar about letting go, on the other hand. There’s a vastness and there are grey areas and at least a bazillion unknowns. Letting go is choosing d), none of the above, while not having the foggiest idea as to what that might look like.

Going home.

In August I decided I was going to move back home to Maine. I started telling my friends and family. I started making plans. I met with a real estate broker. I researched the rental market. I found a yoga studio in Portland that I really liked. I had practically sent a “Save the Date” for my housewarming party. It felt warm. It felt cozy. It felt safe. It felt depressing.

Uh oh. I thank God for my unwavering trust in the wisdom of my emotions. Within twenty-four hours of my realization that my decision to move “home” was making me feel contracted and depressed, I hatched a new plan.

Untethering.

Inspired by a serendipitous overlap with Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Non-Conformity (a highly recommended read), in Portland, Maine, and a dinner with Danielle Vieth, my friend who’s living a largely untethered life quite successfully, I decided to let go.

I’m letting go of agreements, conscious and unconscious, that don’t make sense anymore. I’m letting go of a physical home and living anywhere in particular. I’m letting go of the plan I’ve always had to move back to Maine and have babies. I’m letting go of my lifelong obsession with always having a plan. I’m letting go of most of my physical stuff and as much of my emotional stuff as is possible in this moment, too.

(Please note that the choice to write letting go in the present tense is intentional. It’s a process, not an event. Some days my knuckles are white and I don’t appear to be letting go at all. Some days I’m cutting more cords than an obstetrician doing a double shift.)

One must only be willing.

I’m finding myself on a letting-go roll. Once I was willing to let go of the big stuff (my apartment, living my life according to others’ desires or expectations, and not seeing my own worth, just to name a few) I started to feel really free. My willingness to walk away from what no longer serves me (everything from being a New Yorker to outmoded ways of seeing myself) has uncovered a sense of unlimited possibilities bubbling up. At times I feel practically carbonated with sheer potential.

(I use willingness intentionally here, too. In Barbara Stanny’s Overcoming Underearning she notes that one of the major steps to achieving financial success is being willing to let go of your “ledge.” For some, the ledge is a job. For some, it’s a marriage. For some, it’s a business partner. For me, it’s my apartment and the expired agreements that are attached to it. Stanny points out that sometimes it never becomes necessary to truly let go of that ledge, but it’s our willingness to do so that puts into motion the changes necessary to be free.)

The freedom of letting go.

As I begin to peel my fingers off my ledge I feel like I’m being granted permission to be more myself. I’ve had more business ideas, more creative impulses, and more inspirations in the past several weeks since I began this process of letting go than I’ve ever remembered having. Am I waking up from time to time totally terrified and convinced that I’m crazy to consciously choose to be homeless and drive around the country indefinitely? I sure am. But I’m chalking it up to an Upper Limit Problem and moving on.

I feel lighter. I feel energized. I feel hopeful. And I feel free. I always thought I felt free before but I hadn’t realized the degree to which my compass was set to a True North dictated by what I was holding on to and unconsciously allowing to define my life. And my willingness to let go of those things and reset my True North to the magnetism of my own dreams and desires seems to have set me free on a far deeper level. Ms. Joplin was on to something when she sang, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” When you’re willing to let it all go you find out what’s underneath all of that stuff. When you’ve stripped off enough layers and are truly willing to lose it, then you get to feel free (and go hang out with Bobby McGee).

Your turn.

So, whaddya think? Are you ready to let go with me?

If you answered yes, here’s a quick exercise to get you started. Get a pen and paper and actually do the exercise. Don’t just think about your answers. Just trust me, it works much better when you write it down:

• Write down something big you’ve been holding on to because it feels safe or comfortable but that, deep down, you know has you shackled.  (I can almost guarantee that the first thing that popped into your head is it. Even if it scares you, write it down. You don’t have to let it go right now. Just write it down.)

• What do you get from holding on to this thing? Write it down.

• What would you feel like if you let go of this thing? What would it allow you to do that you don’t feel like you’re able to do now? Write it down.

• Are you willing to let go of it? Write yes or no. (No is a perfectly fine answer. Sometimes it’s just not time yet.)

• If you answered yes to the last question, what is one specific action step you can take right now or very soon towards letting go of this thing? (For example, you could write it down and burn the piece of paper as a ritual, you could write a resignation letter, you could put your house on the market, you could have a conversation you’ve been meaning to have for a while, etc.

• Do the action step immediately, or if that’s not possible, schedule it in your calendar for sometime in the next week.

I can’t guarantee you’ll feel free right away. Instead you might feel nauseous or as though there’s no floor under your feet. That’s okay. Hang out in the void for a while. Cry or write or dance or scream. Or cry while you’re writing and dancing and screaming. Just stay willing to let go. And when the angst and groundlessness passes, enjoy the hell out of the freedom that’s just on the other side.

FREE Teleseminar on letting go.

Want more? Join my mom, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Team Northrup, and I for a free teleseminar on The Freedom of Letting Go on Tuesday, November 16^th from 8:00 – 8:30pm EST. Rsvp@teamnorthrup.com to reserve your spot and for call-in details. (If you’re a Team Northrup member there’s no need to RSVP.)

Leave your stories, insights, answers to the bulleted questions, and results from your action steps below. Tell me what you think. I’m interested. Seriously.

Inspired by my friend Bindu Wiles, creator of The Shed Project, an eight week experience of letting go, I’ve been letting go of A LOT recently. More details to come in future posts, but suffice it to say that Bindu’s decision to get rid of the vast majority of her belongings has inspired me to let go in some significant ways and cut some serious chords (all good stuff…stay tuned for updates.) In my second interview with Bindu on Glimpse TV she shares her thoughts on freedom, the discomfort that comes from letting go, how many bras (and jeans and socks) we really need, and more.

How many bras do we really need? and other thoughts on letting go: Glimpse TV with Bindu Wiles from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

I first learned of the Handel Group executive and life coaching company through taking this wacky, amazing, and really fun workout class called IntenSati. (The class involves intense aerobic activity, spoken affirmations, martial arts, dance, and good, old-fashioned calisthenics. Keep your eyes pealed for a future Glimpse TV episode with Patricia Moreno, founder of IntenSati.) To be totally honest, before I started working with the Handel Group, whenever I met anyone who told me they were a life coach I sort of smirked and discounted it. I never took life coaching seriously and I had a totally unenlightened opinion about the whole profession. I was given a highly discounted trial session with a Handel coach after a workshop on manifesting. I went into the session having half-assed my homework and not really expecting much. Needless to say, given that I’m now featuring the Handel Group on Glimpse TV, I was completely knocked off my feet in the best way possible. I began working with Rebecca Bent, the current CEO of the Handel Group, and during our first session she called me out as a “faker.” I was shocked. I was stunned. I was incredibly annoyed. And somewhere deep inside me I knew she was right. The unraveling around some of my avoidance and faking tendencies began in October 2009 and I continue to coach with the Handel Group now. Their methodology is not for the faint of heart. They are all about personal integrity and telling the truth. I had to fess up to the fact that I’ve never been real keen on the truth and, in fact, I’ve spent most of my twenty-seven years doing back flips and emotional contortions to avoid it. Since working with Rebecca, and now my new coach Molly, my life has transformed in many ways, including much deeper and more authentic relationships with my mom, dad, and sisters, a creative outlet in this blog and Glimpse TV, more financial abundance than I’ve ever had, and a stronger sense of self-worth that comes from knowing that I’m telling the truth. The journey continues and I’m a very pleased customer.

Laurie Gerber, president of the Handel Group, joined me on the roof last week to share the number one mistake people make when having tough conversations (and how to avoid it), why the truth is so sexy, her life’s mission to make the world a better place, and so much more. Enjoy the episode!

The Biggest Mistake People Make In Tough Conversations: Glimpse TV with Laurie Gerber of the Handel Group from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

The Handel Group has some fantastic events coming up that I highly recommend if you’re ready for life-changing, earth-shattering, world-rocking transformation (or if you even want to take a baby step in that direction). Email molly@handelgroup.com or call her 201-389-3314 to get your questions answered and to register and receive $25 off the Urban Retreat this weekend and $50 off the Coaching Crash Course if you mention my name and/or Glimpse TV.

First off is the Warrior Body Urban Retreat with Patricia Moreno and Laurie Gerber: two of my favorite things combined into one day! Join Laurie, and Patricia for an inspiring and practical workshop & workout which combines an exceptional life coaching approach with a revolutionary fitness program. Through physical exercise, deliberate thought, affirmations, open discussions and exploration, we will bring together the command of your body, mind and spirit to set in motion a life you love in a body you love!

Sunday, Oct 17, 9am – 4:30pm at Equinox, 43rd St. & Fifth Ave., NYC $200

Second are the Life Coaching Crash Courses that are being held in NYC and California.  This weekend course will immerse you in some of the main components of the Handel Method™  and will give you a serious wakeup call in life if you have been coasting. This course is highly engaging and is one of the quickest ways to set your life on a new and exciting trajectory. Frankly, it is the best course they have available.

Course Fee: $400 for entire two-day workshop

NYC, NY (at the Benjamin Hotel) Sat & Sun, Oct 23-24, 9am-4pm

Laguna Beach, CA Sat & Sun, Nov 6-7, 9am-4pm

NYC, NY (at the Benjamin Hotel) Sat & Sun, Dec 4-5, 9am-4pm

Register by contacting Molly: molly@handelgroup.com or call her 201-389-3314.

Have you told the truth lately? How did it go?

What’s the most challenging part about telling the truth for you?

What makes telling the truth easier for you?

LEAVE A COMMENT!

*I am a proud affiliate of the Handel Group.*

When Dyana Valentine first walked into my apartment she immediately started taking pictures. It caught me off guard but was nonetheless charming. Within moments we dove right into talking about the good stuff: sex, spirituality, money, vanity, relationships…plus she had me practically peeing my pants laughing within seconds of saying “hello.” I had heard of Dyana through Danielle LaPorte so I knew I would at least kind of like her, but I was unprepared for the immediate ease, comfort, genius, and sheer hilariousness of Dyana and the fact that I adored her. (We were joined by Bindu Wiles who of course added her own unique spark to the already sparkly, giggle-fest. Stunning camera work, Bindu.) Dyana’s tag line is “Helping self-starters self-finish, one project at a time.” She calls herself “An instigator and a free-style harvester of great ideas.” She’s a coach, a “conference catalyst” (ie. speaker), a “one woman idea machine” and your girl if you’ve got a project you just can’t seem to finish, an idea you don’t know how to get rolling, or a group who needs some instigating. Tune in to this episode of Glimpse TV to learn what the truth feels like, for three steps to getting turned on NOW, for some seriously kooky curly hair, and a life-loving chat with Dyana.

Glimpse TV with Dyana Valentine: 3 steps to getting turned on (about your life) right NOW from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

Leave a comment!

I booked a month at the beach this August with the intention of writing, relaxing, cooking, doing yoga, getting a great tan, and spending quality time with other people I love who value space, green, slowing down, turning in, and chilling out. I am an ardent believer in the power of intention, but this belief is trumped by my deep knowing that, in the words of the great Mr. Jagger and Mr. Richards, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find . . . You get what you need.”

Apparently, this summer what I needed—what my soul was longing for way more than a month of relaxation and introspection—was a lesson in taking a stand and telling the truth. (Necessary digression: It turns out when you name your blog “AuthentiKate,” the universe conspires to give you all sorts of lovely lessons and opportunities to not just walk the walk, but to strut the strut with a full-on swagger when it comes to telling it like it is. And at times, like during the month of August on my “vacation,” I sometimes wished I had named my blog “Fakin’ Kate” or something equally ripe with opportunities to sugarcoat the truth or wield smoke and mirrors. Sometimes the truth just sucks. It’s certainly not the easy path. Nope. It’s the mossy one that’s overgrown with vines, the one that’s poorly lit, muddy, and echoing with the screeches and moans of unidentified animals. It’s the scarier one. But it’s apparently the one that I’ve chosen.)

As much as I want to go into gory details of the many situations that transpired this month that squeezed me so hard I felt I had the choice to either tell the truth and take a stand for myself or suffocate, I will abstain for the following reasons: 1. I fear that illustrating the stories outright will add to my emotional charge around them. 2. I’d prefer to use vagueness to protect the anonymity of those involved. 3. As much as I talk about how the more specific we can be, the more universal and relatable our truth becomes, this is a time when I don’t think the details really matter.

Instead of composing what had the distinct possibility of becoming an overly emotional and somewhat unprocessed written diarrhea of the summer’s challenges, I’m going to try a different route and just stick with the lessons. Here are my Seven Truths About the Truth:

1.     The time is now. There is no right time or place for the truth. The perfect time for telling it like it is always lies in the present moment, reporting live from how you feel right now. Telling the truth in real time, rather than 24 or 48 hours later when you’ve had time to stew, marinate, and create a slow-cooked, falling-off-the-bones, tender roast of your version of the truth, simply makes more sense. Emotions, reality, perspectives, and sensations are so transient that, in a way, the only time the truth is relevant is right now. Just as the longer you go without taking out the garbage, the more it stinks, the longer you wait to tell the truth, the harder it becomes and the more rank it becomes from an energetic, emotional-charge perspective. Tell it now while it’s only vaguely odorous.

2.     The truth stands alone. The point of telling the truth is not to change someone’s behavior or get a desired outcome. The value of telling the truth is in owning your power, owning your perspective, and validating your experience through words. Taking a stand for oneself by telling the truth is worth it as an act of self-love and saying, “Hey! I’m here. I matter,” even if you’re the only person who hears it. The truth is not about changing someone else; it’s about honoring yourself. Just because someone doesn’t receive your truth with an open heart and an open mind doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth telling and doesn’t invalidate it. The value in your truth doesn’t come from how it lands (though there are certainly ways of telling it in more friendly ways than others). The value in your truth comes simply from telling it.

3.     The truth changes lives. The truth brings people closer together and is life-altering. As a cowboy who was helping me train a horse in Arizona once said, “The biggest gift you can ever give another living being is your truth.” Clarity and honesty works with horses and it sure as hell works with people. Last week I sat across a blanket on the beach from someone I love and told her some things that were not easy to say and were not easy for her to hear. And both of our willingness to get incredibly uncomfortable in that moment by cracking open our hearts to let the truth out and let it in bonded us in a way that would have been impossible had I not been willing to lay it down.

4.     The truth is never too late. This may seem totally in conflict with number one, but the second thing I learned about telling the truth is that it’s never too late. Based on Truth About the Truth #3, the truth—your truth—is life-changing. It’s never too late to take out smelly garbage. It’s never too late to lay it down straight.

5.     Take a stand for someone else’s truth. Sometimes you must be willing to stand for someone else’s truth when they’re not able to see it or hear it for themselves. I heard my aunt Penny tell a story about climbing to Mt. Everest Base Camp at 17,600 feet with my grandmother, Edna, this past May (my granny is the oldest woman to ever successfully make that trek). Penny talked about a moment on the trek when my grandmother was really sick and wasn’t sure she could go on and all of her doubt began to come up in that insidious way that it tends to do when we’re challenged. Penny talked about standing for her mother (my grandmother) and for the truth that she was unable to see for herself in that moment: that she could make the trek if, and only if, she was willing to receive the help that was available to her. Because of Penny’s firm resolve and deep belief in Granny, she was able to accept help and made it to Mt. Everest Base Camp.

6.     The truth gets fuzzy around the word “versus.” The truth is clouded by blame, competitiveness, reactivity, separation, and polarization. When we see things as right vs. wrong, you vs. me, black vs. white, and us vs. them, everything gets muddled and we can no longer see straight. I had an incredibly upsetting experience this week in which I was harshly blamed for something that someone had decided I had done based on inadequate evidence and intense reactivity. In my state of hurt, shock, and self-protection, I began to see her as perpetrator and me as victim, while I simultaneously began to beat myself up for what was, in essence, a miscommunication that we were both responsible for. When my dear friend helped me see how I was polarizing myself from this woman, the truth suddenly crystallized and I was able to see the situation for what it was: a simple case of mismanaged expectations and miscommunications. No blame. No right or wrong. Just a conversation that should have happened and never did. The relief that came from seeing the situation through the loving eyes of connection and collaboration was soul-nourishing.

7.     The truth wins every time. Whether you’re writing, speaking in public, acting, or simply talking with someone one on one, the truth is the most intoxicatingly compelling material you have. No matter how genius your shtick is or how brilliant your comic timing, the truth will always be more captivating than anything pre-planned or packaged. Two weeks ago I spoke in front of 3,000 people at the USANA International Convention about social media and writing a blog and, besides a few bullet points, I didn’t plan a thing. Instead, I held the microphone, felt my feet grounded on the stage, and told the truth. I talked about my identity crisis last fall and how I had to start writing a blog in order to carve out a space where I could be me, undefined by Team Northrup or being my mother’s daughter, and people loved it. I got an overwhelmingly positive response from people in the audience. They were inspired and moved to take action and tell the truth in their own ways. And it felt great to know that rather than a well-polished speech, I had delivered content that was fresh, vibrant, and real that was emotionally moving and motivating. (Plus I got asked for my autograph for the first time, which was really trippy and totally fun – see picture to the left…that’s me in the white dress.)

The truth captivates us. We can’t take our eyes away from it. My friend Josh Pais, founder and teacher of Committed Impulse, points out that kids and animals will always upstage actors because they can’t help but tell the truth and we can’t help but be fascinated by it. Next time you’re speaking or writing, channel that dog or child, strip away the layers, and let the truth win.

I’m sure there are more than seven truths about the truth, but these are mine for now. Perhaps one day I will develop this into some sort of truth manifesto or something. But for now I’m still practicing with the truth . . . telling a little bit more each and every day. Learning how to do it with grace, love, and wisdom. Learning how to tell it in a way that changes lives . . . mine most of all.

How did you learn to tell the truth?

What are some truths about truth that you’ve discovered?

Do you have a story about telling the truth you’d be willing to share?

What’s true for you right in this very moment?

I was inspired to write about female financial power this morning after reading a post from Lora Sasiela of Financially Smitten on negotiation and how our ability to ask for what we’re worth gives us a much better return on investment than minding our portfolios or becoming a stock wizard (though these things are important too.)  The article mentions certified financial planner and author of Women’s Worth: Finding Your Financial Confidence, Eleanor Blayney, who notes that women still earn only 77 cents on every dollar that men earn. She asserts that the difference may largely be due to the fact that men are much more comfortable asking for what they’re worth than women.

As I was reading the article a memory popped into my head of the first time I ever asked for more:

I was fourteen years old. It was a beautiful Maine summer. I had spent the entire day babysitting for three kids under the age of seven. I was exhausted after about ten hours of running around, feeding them every thirty seconds, cleaning up, and all the other fun stuff involved in taking care of kids. The father of the family drove me home at the end of the night and handed me twenty dollars. My heart sank. I smiled as I held back infuriated tears and got out of the car.

As soon as I walked in the front door I lost it. I was pissed. He had paid me two dollars an hour. How dare he take advantage of me because of my age and gender? What nerve he had to pay me a pittance for working my ass off running after his bratty kids all day!  After ranting about for a while, my mom suggested that I call him and tell him what I’m worth. What??!! I thought she was insane. In that moment it felt like it would be easier, and far more pleasurable, to stick a hot poker in my eye than to call a grown businessman at least thirty years my senior and tell him that he had majorly low-balled it and that he owed me money.

But below my fear there was another voice that told me this was a moment of critical importance. This was an opportunity to own my power and speak up for myself. This was a moment to ask for what I’m worth. (In actuality I don’t think those particular thoughts consciously crossed my mind. Really I was mostly just pissed off and wanted extra money for clothes or movies or whatever I was investing my precious pennies in at the time. But looking back thirteen years later, I know that voice was whispering to me on some level, urging me to value myself.)

I still wasn’t ready to make the call in that moment, though. I was scared shitless, to be honest. Plus, I was too angry to be adult and professional. So, I called a woman in the community who I also babysat for and who I trusted. I asked her what she thought I should do and she agreed with my mom (darn those mature, empowered women for being right). She told me that she felt he had grossly underestimated my worth and that I should tell him so directly (and sweetly, of course.)

So the next morning I mustered up the courage to make the call. I was nauseous. I was sweating. I was shaking. The phone weighed eight bazillion pounds. But my anger and desire to take a stand for myself made me dial the number. I told him, quite kindly and matter-of-factly, that my going rate for babysitting was actually quite a bit higher than two dollars an hour and that I would appreciate it if he would make up the difference. I apologized for not having told him my rate ahead of time, then told him that we would need to straighten out the situation. I thanked him for his time and hung up the phone.

He was stunned. I was stunned. I never babysat for that family again, which was more than okay. He ended up dropping off more money. I ended up feeling intoxicatingly empowered. My mom and my neighbor who I had called for support were really proud of me. I was really proud of me.

Since that time I’ve negotiated my worth on countless occasions. I’ve asked for higher pay and gotten it time after time. I’ve realized that generally speaking, unless you ask for it, you’re not going to get it. No one will value you unless you value yourself and are willing to take a stand verbally, in writing, or in some other tangible way. I’ve also learned that asking for what I’m worth is scary every single time. And yet, the fear that I feel when I ask for more money or anything else, is not enough to stop me from doing it because the feeling of genuine, profound power on the other side of that fear is worth it every time. Yeah, the extra money in my bank account is nice too, but it pales in comparison to the deep sense of personal worth that grows each and every time I negotiate on my own behalf.

***Tomorrow is my final Women & Wealth Seminar of the summer and possibly of 2010. Join the conversation about feminine financial power live in NYC Thursday, July 29^th, 7:00 – 8:30pm at the Giving Nature Center, 155 W 19^th St. Discover where your money blocks are, learn strategies for clearing any unconscious beliefs that are holding you back from creating wealth, and identify new ways to create wealth in your life. REGISTER HERE TO SAVE $5.***

When was a time you asked for what you were worth and how did it make you feel?

Have you ever gotten stiffed and not said anything about it?

How do you feel about negotiating in general?

What does feminine financial power mean to you?

It occurred to me today that I’ve been talking about meeting a man in New York City who I can bring home to Maine, make babies, live on the ocean, and start a life with for over two years. On a recent ten-day trip to Maine I started to get homesick. It’s the kind of homesick you feel when you’re already in the place you want to be but you’re anticipating soon not being there anymore so you begin to feel preemptive pains of missing it. It’s a perfect example of living life in the future instead of being here now. It’s a perfect example of living life the way I often do.

I have recently started scanning real estate listings in Maine late at night when I have no business being awake, let alone at my desk on the computer. On a recent flight I spent over an hour and a half looking longingly out the window with my forehead pressed against the glass daydreaming about what it will be like on the day that I move into my beautiful home in Maine with my beautiful man. When I mentioned this to my mom on a walk, she reminded me to enjoy the desiring part. She wisely told me that something she’s learned in her time on this planet is that the desiring is often times the best part. It wasn’t meant to be depressing, like “enjoy that fantasy honey ‘cause let me tell ya, the real thing usually sucks.” Instead, it was meant as an encouragement to be here now.

It’s somewhat oxymoronic, really, that one way to fully enjoy the moment is to fully enjoy the dreaming up of something that may or may not happen in the future, but it seems to work for me. If I’ve learned anything from being a student of the metaphysical it’s that feeling good is the most important thing if you want to continue to feel good. Feeling good now means attracting more things that will allow you to continue to feel good in the future. This sort of focus on the present moment seems to be the healthiest way of creating the future without losing what’s happening right now by being stuck planning tomorrow.

Yesterday I was on another walk, this time with my mom on the phone rather than hoofing it by my side. (I get some of my best insights while articulating things to my mom when walking.) I was talking about Maine. I was explaining this magnetic pull I feel to my home state. I get such a visceral reaction to Maine as symbolizing and feeling like home to me that I often cry when I explain the phenomenon to people. Not like big sobbing crying or anything (I’m not a hysterical nutcase) but I just get a little weepy from time to time.

So there I was, feeling the longing for the home that the state of Maine represents to me, and it occurred to me that to some degree, I’m waiting for something to happen to cue me to start my life. I’m waiting to meet my guy or for some divine sign or for lightening to strike or something. Whenever I do one of those exercises where I imagine what my ideal life looks like, it always includes being outside by the ocean, breathing in the fresh air, having space, and a strong sense of home. It is almost always set in Maine.

The truth is I adore my life in New York City. I have the most amazing community of creative entrepreneurs, artists, business partners, friends, and loved ones. I adore the cultural opportunities, the food, the stimulation, the wild wackiness, and the energy. And the truth is I’ve begun to ask myself what exactly I’m doing here. I can run my business from absolutely anywhere in the world. New York is fairly inconvenient as far as daily life goes. I’ve managed to contain my entire business and personal life in a studio apartment for five years and, though I’m proud of myself for this, someday I would like to have more than one room to my name.

Yesterday, in response to me explaining my yearning for “home” in the form of living in Maine, my dear friend reminded me not to go grocery shopping when I’m hungry. She has a point. Don’t’ make any sudden movements. Don’t go selling your apartment after one hot, smelly week in New York when you’re feeling restless. Home is within me, exactly where I am.

On the other hand, I write this tonight to remind myself to not wait for someone or something to happen to me to create my life the way I want it. I write this to bring awareness to how often we postpone our joy, happiness, pleasure, and desires because we’re waiting for the right moment or for someone to give us permission or for the stars to align. It’s kind of silly to peruse New York City for a man who will eventually move to Maine with me. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, really (and people who I mention it to often remind me of that). And it also doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to continue to walk up and down city streets all day when my heart is longing to breathe sea air.

So tonight I’m giving myself permission to not make any decisions. I’m giving myself permission to flirt with the idea of selling my apartment and maybe living both places for a while. I’m enjoying the desire in the present moment as I simultaneously enjoy the heck out of this balmy New York City Sunday night. I’m being here now as I dream up what’s next and commit to living my life now. I don’t know if this really counts as being in the moment, but it sure feels good to me.

What is it that you truly desire?

Have you ever felt like you were waiting for someone or something outside yourself before you gave yourself permission to go for your dream?

How do you practice being in the moment?

Do you think you can be present right now while fantasizing about something happening in the future, or are the two mutually exclusive?

Glimpse TV with Dr. Lissa Rankin: Be all of yourself all the time. from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

Dr. Lissa Rankin is a lot of things. She’s a mom, an artist, a community builder, a teacher, a coach, a writer (her first two books BOTH come out this year: one is on encaustic art and the other one is on gynecology), a wife, an OB/GYN, and I’m sure many other fantastic things that I’ll learn about as our budding friendship unfolds. I was introduced to Lissa through my friend Danielle Vieth (namer of my TV show, one of my business partners, and my dear friend) who met her through Twitter. She launched her blog, Owning Pink, in April of 2009 and it has since grown into an international community 40,000+ strong in just over a year. Her new book, What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Were Your Best Friend (with a forward written by my mama) will be available in September. I am blessed to have had the chance to catch Lissa on one of her recent trips to New York City to chat about authenticity, letting it all hang out, mom haircuts, and Lissa’s alter-ego, Veronica Rochester. Tune in for our conversation.

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Glimpse TV: Episode 1, Bindu Wiles from Kate Northrup on Vimeo.

Today is the birthday of Glimpse TV. This show was conceived when I decided that I wanted to incorporate one of my favorite things, talking to interesting people about interesting things, into my online presence. (Plus I was introduced to Zach Galifianakis’s online talk show Between Two Ferns, which is pure comic genius and makes me pee my pants every time I watch it. I figured, if he could have a talk show online with little-to-no production value, so can I.) My coach at the time asked me if I had ever considered being on TV. I hadn’t, but the seed was planted. Now, about six months later, I am proud to announce Episode 1 of Glimpse TV, a show about falling in love with your life. Yeah, sometimes my guests and I may seemingly veer off that topic, but I promise you it all relates back to being dedicated to the art, practice, and science of loving life.

Its apropos that Bindu Wiles is my guest on the first episode of Glimpse TV because she was the main instigator who got me on Twitter, and getting on Twitter was the main inspiration for me to begin my blog and create an online presence. Bindu’s 21.5.800 project lit a fire under my tush to get her on to talk about the community of support she has inspired with her own commitment to her writing and yoga practice. And given that the project has a time limit, it was the perfect reason for me to finally launch Glimpse TV, given that I’ve been talking about it (and filming interviews) for months.

A big thank you to Danielle LaPorte because it was at her tweetup where I first happened upon the delightfully hilarious and enigmatic Bindu Wiles who told me that, in so many words, I was an idiot if I wasn’t on twitter. It was love at first tweet. A very special shout out to Danielle Vieth, my brilliant and dear friend who named the show, to USANA Health Sciences who gifted me my Flipcam for Christmas, to the really nice guy at Radio Shack who sold me their last tripod, and to Dyana Valentine for being a gorgeous and entertaining rooftop camera woman today (my episode with her will air in the next few weeks —she gives a three-step process for turning yourself on to your life —it’s brilliant and not to be missed.)

Enjoy the next eight minutes filled with Bindu’s articulate, profound, grounded, and vulnerable musings (as well as her hot new haircut and aviatorss —plus me laughing a lot.) On deck for future episodes are Dyana Valentine, Sera Beak, Dr. Lissa Rankin, Melanie Ericksen, Karen Salmansohn, Helen Kim, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Alisa Vitti, and Dr. Deborah Kern.

Lights, camera…Glimpse!

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