I talk a lot about things happening for a reason, the grand master plan of the Universe, synchronicity, and the overall meant-to-be or not-meant-to-be-ness of life. And it’s pretty easy to stay on my fairy dust and sparkles train when everything is going smoothly, I’m meeting the right people, cash flow is good, and I’m proverbially walking on sunshine.
And then sometimes believing it’s all meant to be is not so easy.
On Thursday night at 2:00AM I somehow managed to erase all of my video footage from the past year from my hard drive and external hard drive. Then I proceeded to empty the trash. A combination of being overtired, multi-tasking, and being a little bit giddy after a fun evening out led to my “accidental” erasing behavior.
Every episode of Glimpse TV that’s not yet been edited and published (of which there were at least ten), every Team Northrup success story and testimonial, and every minute of footage of every presentation and seminar I’ve given this year….gone. And entire year’s evidence of transformation and great content erased.
So what’s a girl to do when faced with sudden, abrupt, and uninvited letting go?
Being the dutiful Aries I am, I sprung into action immediately. I Googled “restore emptied trash Mac” and found a great article on Squidoo that gave me a step-by-step protocol to follow. I obediently downloaded the recovery software and paid $99 for it. I followed the steps to recover the data. It didn’t work. I took my Mac to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store. They told me they couldn’t fix it. I bought a new external drive to save the recovered files to (another $104.) I tried my scanning software again, spent 24 hours scanning my computer, and then found that none of the recovered files were useable.
Finally, this morning I hauled myself to TekServe to see if the cute computer nerds up there could fix it. After scanning and questioning and investigating, the guy told me they might be able to recover some of the data, but that it would take more than a week and it would cost me $860. So at 10:00AM I said, “F*ck it! I’m letting it go.”
The universe must be up to something that I’m not in on.
I’m about to say goodbye to life as I know it and live in the vast unknown as I embark on a road trip indefinitely in February 2011. I’m selling my apartment. I’m getting rid of most of my stuff. I’m giving my two websites a face lift. I’m restructuring my company. And I’m completely, and sometimes terrifyingly, aware that I have no freaking clue what my life is going to look like a year from now…or even two months from now. My life is under construction and there’s dust everywhere.
It’s a times like this – when we inadvertently erase our hard drive, have a laptop full of irreplaceable photos stolen, lose a box of memorabilia in a move, have our childhood drawings ruined by water damage in the basement, etc.- that it’s good to believe in something bigger than ourselves. It’s at times like this that I wonder how people who don’t believe in some kind of God even get out of bed in the morning. It’s at times like this that I’m incredibly grateful to my mom for raising me to believe in God/Goddess/fairies/mermaids/divinity/Universal Power/talking trees/etc. It’s at times like this that I realize that the universe must be up to something that I’m not in on (at least not consciously.)
There are no accidents.
While communing over hot cups of Yerba Mate in stocking feet the morning after the “big erase”, Gabby Bernstein reminded me that “accidentally” erasing my hard drive is most likely a sign to move in a new direction with my content. Earlier in the day before I trashed all my video interviews and seminar footage I got the insight that as much as guest content is great, my readers actually want to hear from me and hear what I have to say. (Thank you Bindu Wiles for saying this in your interview with Satya.)
Is it a mistake, then, that just as I’m about to launch into the unknown on a journey about freedom that I would “accidentally” trash all my unpublished content? Nope. There are no accidents. Miss Bernstein is right: Time for a new direction. Time for more of me and less hiding. Enough with thinking that my guests have more to say than I do. Enough with thinking I’m not enough.
My apologies to all the Glimpse TV guests whose interviews I lost. I trust that when/if we meet again to re-shoot, we’ll be even more brilliant and say even more life-changing things. (Plus, with the money I saved not restoring my lost data I’ll have a higher quality camera to make you look and sound better.)
In the coming months you can look forward to more delicious, practical, and scintillating content on the art, science, and practice of loving life, it just may have a different flavor. I’m taking the “big erase” as a sign and I’m currently recalibrating. Stay tuned for what emerges from this pregnant pause.
And now I’d love to hear from you:
Leave a comment. I’m seriously interested in what you have to say.