Blog Posts

How to deal with matters of the heart.


Not that long ago I did something that was deeply disappointing to someone in my family.

It was not done out of malice. It was a simple oversight, the result of a life lived too fast without enough thought. It was likely a result of multi-tasking, to be honest.

I’ll keep the details to myself to spare the hearts of those involved. What’s important to know is that the thing I did was the kind of thing one obsesses over and wishes desperately she could turn back the clock to undo.

I would love to say I will never do something like this again. And while it’s unlikely that I’ll do this exact thing again, I will most definitely screw up and disappoint someone I love again.

As much as we continue to steer our compass toward perfection, we must accept that we are human. And humans are imperfect. So we screw up and will continue to do so.

It’s how we deal with these inevitable screw-ups, though, that really makes all the difference.

The moment I realized my screw-up, after my heart fell out of my butt (as my friend Meggan Watterson likes to say), I picked up the phone.

Picking up the phone, admitting we were wrong, and saying sorry goes a really, really long way.

Does it always fix things? No. But more often than not, it begins the repair process.

Did I feel like picking up the phone and apologizing? No, I did not. I felt like crawling into a hole and dying.

But I picked up the phone. And as my voice cracked I sincerely apologized. I told this person how much she means to me, how my mistake had nothing to do with my lack of love for her, and that I was so, very, deeply sorry.

We ended up having one of the most beautiful conversations we’ve ever had. We both cried. We both said how much we meant to each other. We both sighed deep sighs of relief.

I hung up the phone feeling more connected to this person than ever. And it took less than ten minutes.

The immediate pain of having the tough conversation we’d rather not have is significantly less than the chronic, un-subsiding pain of avoiding it.

It’s masochistic to peel a Band-Aid off your hairy arm millimeter by millimeter. Why would you do that?

Similarly, it’s masochistic to let apologies that need to be made or truths that need to be proclaimed fester.

My friend Mike Robbins shared something one of his mentors said to him:

Do you know what stands between you and the kind of relationships you really want to have? It’s probably just a ten-minute, sweaty-palmed conversation you’re too afraid to have.

Avoiding the sweaty-palmed conversation dissolves our bonds. Having the conversation brings us together. {Tweet it.}

Avoiding the sweaty-palmed conversation dissolves our bonds.-tweet

When you screw up (which we all will, over and over again until we die), address it. Have the sweaty-palmed conversation. Pick up the phone. Knock on the door. Say you’re sorry.

A timely apology may not fix everything, but it’s a really good place to start.

I’m happy to report that I look back on my careless error as a moment that created connection instead of separation. That’s the power of dealing with, rather than avoiding, matters of the heart.



What ten-minute, sweaty-palmed conversation do you need to have? When was a time you were willing to have one of these uncomfortable conversations and what happened as a result? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments!


P.S. Looking for a great listen this summer? My first bestselling book Money: A Love Story is now available in AUDIO! Check it out here.



Would you like God to handle that for you?


There are things we can totally handle on our own like making a salad for lunch or writing an email (most days, anyway). Then there are things that feel insurmountable. They either have so many steps that we feel overwhelmed just thinking about them, or they seem so out of our control that we just…

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On judgment and what we think about things we haven’t experienced.


When I was pregnant I read a lot of books and watched a lot of documentaries about natural childbirth, even orgasmic birth. When I would hear the birth stories of women around me, I had a whole inner dialogue about their experiences and my own thoughts about them. Honestly, I would judge them. And then…

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Taking yourself seriously doesn’t mean you have to be serious.


I always had this idea that if I took myself seriously as a business woman, author, speaker, and what have you, I would have to stop having fun with my work. So I prided myself on not taking myself too seriously. It made me more approachable. It made me more likeable. And, if I’m being…

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How to Use Your Longing to Fit in to Your Advantage.


Humans are herd creatures. Our survival as children depended upon the love and acceptance of other human beings. Our blood flow as a fetus depended upon how happy our mother was, even. It’s no mystery why we all care so much what everyone else thinks of us and how happy we seem to be making…

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You don’t have to keep going.


Growing up, I loved to start things. Well actually, as an adult I love to start things, too. Who we are is pretty much who we are. I tried piano, soccer, swimming, tennis, theater, voice lessons, dance, set painting, photography, the literary magazine, student council, a book club, multiple little businesses, and more. Some of…

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Hold out.


Hold out …for the one you’ve been waiting for. …for the guy who treats you like the gold that you are. …for the idea that visits you in your dreams and you can’t wait to get cracking on every day. …for the house that feels like it was built for you. …for the friends who…

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The slow, messy, effective path to freedom.


When I’m feeding my baby Penelope, sometimes she likes to grab the spoon and feed herself.  Anyone who’s ever witnessed a baby feed herself knows that more food ends up on her face, in her hair, and on the floor than in her mouth. It’s way more tidy and efficient when I just spoon food…

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How to deal when you don’t get what you want.


Sometimes you ask for what you want and you get it and it’s awesome. And sometimes you don’t. The cutie you were ogling from across the bar asks your friend for her number instead of yours. You launch your new product that’s been in the works for over a year, and you hear crickets instead…

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I thought this was going to be easier.


Mom, I thought this was going to be easier. I just didn’t get it. Everyone, including you, told me this was going to be hard. But I had no idea. I heard women talking about how once they had kids they could barely figure out how to shower, let alone string a sentence together or…

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